According to Sigmund Freud, dreams are often considered a manifestation of the unconscious mind, a mirror reflecting our deepest desires, fears, and impulses. But for Astra, dreams were simply another form of torture.
Every night, without fail, she found herself trapped in the same nightmare. A vast, endless void stretched before her, around her, consuming her. She would walk for what felt like centuries, her feet moving through nothingness, searching for an exit that didn't exist.
And then she would wake up – or at least, her mind would.
Tonight was no different. Even when she woke up from her recurring nightmare, her body remained frozen, paralyzed, as if the void had followed her into the waking world and wrapped invisible chains around her limbs. Sweat made her pajamas cling to her skin. Each breath was a battle, her lungs struggling against an unseen weight.
And there, hovering above her bed was a twisted reflection of herself.
The floating figure wore her face but everything else was wrong. Long black hair hung down like curtains of ink, swaying in a nonexistent breeze. Its eyes were bottomless pits, not just the irises, but the entire surface was pitch black.
Astra's mouth opened in a silent scream. Her vocal cords strained, desperate to produce sound, but nothing came out. Her muscles burned with the effort to move, to fight, to do anything except lie there helplessly. Tears rolled down her temples, disappearing into her hair, as she stared up at her dark mirror image.
After what felt like hours but might have been minutes, Astra's body finally remembered how to move. She surged upward with a desperate gasp, her lungs greedily pulling in air as if she'd been drowning. The figure vanished like smoke in the wind, leaving her alone in her dimly lit bedroom.
Sleep paralysis, the psychiatrist had called it. They'd explained about REM sleep, about how the brain sometimes woke before the body, about how hallucinations were common during these episodes. They'd prescribed medications, suggested sleep hygiene techniques, recommended keeping a dream journal.
But Astra knew better. This wasn't just her brain playing tricks on her. It was her body screaming for help. Years ago, she'd made the conscious decision to lock away her emotions, to build walls so high and thick that nothing could get through. She'd thought it was the only way to survive, the only defense against the constant onslaught of other people's feelings that threatened to drown her.
Now, those buried emotions had found other ways to surface.
Knowing sleep would be impossible now, Astra pushed herself out of bed. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a full night's rest – perhaps never. Her life had become a series of short naps, an hour or two grabbed whenever her body's exhaustion overcame her mind's resistance. It wasn't ideal, but it was manageable. She'd adapted, learned to function in this fractured way.
She drank some water before she grabbed her sketchbook and moved to the loveseat. She stayed there sketching for hours until the moonlight slowly turned into the soft rays of the rising sun. Finally, she closed the sketchbook and changed into her workout clothes.
For years, Astra had developed a habit of working out in the morning before anyone could wake up. This allowed her to enjoy the beauty of the world without the onslaughter of other's emotions.
Unfortunately, when she came downstairs, she realized most of the staff was already awake and preparing for the day. Fortunately, the estate grounds were big enough for her to go for a run and rarely come across someone.
After her long run, Astra did some other exercises before she went back to her room. By the time she took a long bath and had gotten ready, it was almost eight. However today, she realized Nanny Rosetta did not come to her room to call her for breakfast.
She made her way downstairs when the phone in her hand rang. She looked at the familiar name on the screen before answering.
"Mommy misses you, little star," she heard her mother's voice from the other side.
"It has been only two days since we last saw one another," Astra pointed out as she entered the dining hall.
Surprisingly, besides Calix, Rowan was also present there though he seemed to be half asleep though he looked like he'd been dragged from bed against his will. Astra gave them a nod and took her seat.
"I know, but two days feels like forever when I'm away from my baby," Elena responded. "How are you sleeping, sweetheart?"
"Fine," she replied while the maid began to serve her breakfast.
"That's good. Are you eating properly too?"
"Just starting breakfast," Astra responded before adding, "But mom, you're currently on your honeymoon. You shouldn't be worrying about me at the moment."
I'm your mother. Worrying about you is a full-time job that doesn't take vacations," Elena replied. "Besides, Atticus is still sleeping. He was quite... tired from yesterday's activities."
"Mom!" Astra's usually emotionless voice carried a hint of horror, causing Rowan to perk up from his half-asleep state.
Even Calix was looking at her with interest. This was after all the first time he saw a flicker of emotion in this girl.
"Oh, darling, we went hiking! Get your mind out of the gutter," Elena laughed. "Though what happened after..."
"I'm hanging up now," Astra announced flatly and ended the call before Elena could say anything further.
After ending the call, Astra looked up to find both brothers watching her.
"What?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Nothing," Rowan shook his head and the three started eating in silence. That is until Rowan decided to speak again. "Actually, if you're free today, I was thinking we could—"
"No," Astra and Calix responded in perfect unison.
"But you didn't even hear what I wanted to say,"
"It's still a no," Astra responded.
Calix nodded his head, softly smiling to himself that at least she was not stupid enough to agree with Rowan, especially after what had happened yesterday.
Rowan slumped back in his chair, muttering under his breath, "You two are no fun at all."
"I have things to do at home," Astra stated.
"Like what?" Rowan challenged, clearly thinking she was making excuses.
Though she was indeed making an excuse so she wouldn't leave the estate, Astra wasn't actually lying.
"My belongings from back home are being delivered today."
The town she lived in was far away from South City and Astra had done her best to delay her arrival here, thus she had landed on the very morning of the wedding. She had only brought some basic necessities with her. The rest of the things she had packed away in boxes and crates were finally arriving today.
"I'll have the staff help with the unpacking," Calix told her.
"Thank you," she responded.