Cold, a silent cold that seeps into the bones of the unfortunate ones who have to endure it, and on this occasion that unfortunate one is me, and although normally I would not mind such a small inconvenience, I simply cannot help but think about the reason for this strange cold, which is something omnipresent in the mornings and nights of my homeland.
After not having returned to this place for years, I can't help but remember this kind of uncomfortable cold, which doesn't seem like a big deal, but over time it gets into your bones, with a constant feeling of stiffness and discomfort, which makes it uncomfortable to move, as if your body was rusty, but the worst part of this cold, is that even after returning to a warm place, that feeling of cold refuses to go away, as if it were stuck to your body, like an ill-fitting garment that you don't want to wear, but no matter how hard you try, it's impossible to take it off.
– *Haaaaaa*.
As I try in vain to warm my hands by blowing hot air on them, I can't help but think of this peculiar climate, which I almost always consider a great nuisance.
Because even after visiting some places where the cold is greater, I have always remembered this strange sensation, because in other places the cold feels like a dry blow, which slowly numbs your body and slowly spreads throughout your body, but when you go to a warm place the sensation slowly disappears as if the ice that covers your entire body was melting.
– *Haaaaa*.
But maybe I'm just rambling, to avoid thinking about the other feeling I have right now.
Well, I think that after a long time, I am returning to the place that is supposed to be my home, But even now I know that no one is waiting for me, and even if I had reported my return, I would not be welcome almost anywhere.
I'm not saying I don't have anyone to talk to or people I could hang out with and talk longingly about a past that seems better than our present, but I know that many of those people have disappeared, and most likely it's because of me, so currently only a few individuals are willing to listen to me, or if they're generous enough maybe welcome me back and maybe go out for a drink while we reminisce.
For some strange reason, the past always seems more beautiful in our memories or when we recount anecdotes, with youth, student life, and the age of 20 being the stages most affected by rose-colored glasses, which makes us ignore how horrible those stages were, being full of confusion, depression and a deep feeling of not knowing who you are or what you are doing.
Perhaps this is why youth series, with 30-year-old actors pretending to be teenagers, are so popular, stories of people starting from scratch while trying to adapt to a new environment and lifestyle.
Well, it's something that everyone can empathize with and identify with, almost as if they shared something special with the characters in these stories, although they are only a set of general characteristics, designed specifically so that the public can identify with them.
– *Haaaaa*
Damn, I'm losing myself in random thoughts again, But my ramblings certainly make sense, as I was quite young when I left this place, leaving a hell behind me.
Brimming with confidence or maybe a rage that blinded me, and prevented me from seeing anything else, But in the end, it all came down to being frustrated and upset, and I wanted to do something to calm those feelings, something to cool the fire that was running through my veins at that moment, at that moment I didn't want justice, I didn't want to find peace, I just wanted someone to pay.
In the end, I did something stupid, something that made my anger cool down, and although I know that what I did was not the right thing for most, the reality is that I do not regret it, and I am sure that if time went back I would do the same or perhaps something worse.
And I still boast of never having regretted it, and being willing to do it again. The truth is that perhaps my only regret is related to my family, because, like many other people, my parents educated me in a certain way, you know, the typical good education of doing good, keeping a clear conscience, and letting God and justice do the work.
I lived a large part of my life following that upbringing, thinking that good things would eventually happen to good people, until one day my illusion was shattered, in one of the worst ways possible.
– *Ha*, finally, I think I no longer have to kill time thinking too much about things I can't control.
I mutter to myself, after almost half an hour of cold, discomfort and lost thoughts, finally a taxi seems to become available.
Well, due to my stupidity and bad memory, I forgot how things worked in this chaotic city, because although it should seem normal to get transportation when leaving an airport, the reality is that this area is a little more complicated for people like me, and in the most stupid way I forgot that.
To sum up, this is a fairly populated city, considered a tourist city, although I never felt that there were very interesting places in this city or that there were places worth traveling between countries to visit, my opinion is that it is not a supernatural phenomenon that changes how reality works, which is why this is still a tourist city.
This led to the curious phenomenon of taxis, as most of them are waiting for foreigners, with some of them turning away those who do not belong to this category, most likely because foreigners pay with foreign currency that has a higher value than the national currency, or because many of the drivers of these vehicles are scammers who charge excessive prices to gullible tourists, who do not mind spending what for them is a small amount of money.
On the other hand, we have taxis on demand, from people with more intelligence and judgment than me, who know how to use an application to request a means of transport to pick them up at the airport.
And finally, there is the group of casual drivers, those who just parked their vehicles and started waiting for clients, to begin their workday, but at this moment people who like me did not expect to deal with this situation, are forced to wait for one of these vehicles to become available, waiting in long lines, while the morning cold corrodes their bones.
But after a long wait, a taxi is finally available for this pilgrim, tired from a journey that has already lasted too long.
- *tap* *tap* *tap*
As I walk towards the only free taxi in my field of vision, doubts invade my mind again, because despite being here, there is still a voice inside me, telling me that I am making a mistake, that I should not be here, that there is nothing here for me, that I have no reason to return, but perhaps out of stubbornness or stupidity, they convinced me to return, despite everything that could go wrong.
That's why my mind keeps wandering, while I try not to think about everything that can go wrong and all the old wounds that I can reopen, because of a simple moment of stupidity. But I should stop thinking about all this, and continue on my way because it's stupid to worry about a past that's gone and a future that doesn't exist yet.
- Hey, taxi.
As I walk quickly towards the taxi I try to get the attention of the driver, who is standing next to the door of the taxi, who responds with an indifferent look, with the typical small smile, to show courtesy.
- Can you take me to the Truman neighborhood?
While the driver spends about a second thinking, I can't help but think about why I have to ask these kinds of questions, after finding a vehicle that is supposed to take you to any area of the city, for a certain price, but the reality is that in this city there are so-called invisible borders, which are present in areas of the city, where there is not enough police presence, places controlled by mafias, cartels or simple gangs, where they are the law, the judge, jury, and executioner.
They are addicted to extortion and charging protection fees, which has generated the peculiar phenomenon where public transport companies pay protection fees to move freely and safely through certain areas of the city, and although it is easy to know what rates are paid by companies with public buses, taxi companies are a different case, since companies do not consider spending too much on rates to move freely throughout the city, so they simply pay for the right to safe transit in certain areas, which they consider profitable.
Although the important areas of the city are free of this problem, the reality is that many residential areas and neighborhoods, which are far from the political, economic, and tourist centers of the city, have been partially abandoned to their fate, which means that if you are not planning to stay in a hotel or the important areas, you have to ask the driver if he is able or willing to pass by the place you want to get to, because although you can always move safely, not having a passage permit does not guarantee safety, you may move around a dangerous area for a whole day without anything happening to you or you may also be assaulted the first moment you enter a dangerous area, which sometimes causes some people to get upset with taxi drivers, since they do not understand very well how things work in this place.
Anyway, after a couple of seconds, the taxi driver nods and says.
- Come on, get in, in the front, please.
With the confirmation received, I waited for the taxi driver to come around to the car get in the car, and unlock the doors, after going to the back of the car and storing my suitcase, I got in the vehicle.
After waiting a few seconds I noticed that the driver was still watching me, so I remembered to put on my seat belt, something that I had forgotten over time, but that the driver would not let go of to avoid a fine, especially because we are in a place where there are quite a few police officers.
After fixing that small problem, the driver slowly starts the vehicle and begins to drive while following the street that will take him out of the airport taxi area.
- Would you mind if I put on some music?
The driver asks just out of courtesy, as he begins to set up the sound system before I have a chance to answer his question.
After a minute or two after leaving the airport area, the driver finally begins the taxi driver tradition of chatting with his clients.
- And what brings you to the capital?
And with that begins the typical icebreaker question, but the truth is that I'm currently stressed out and anxious about how certain people will react to my return, and about being forced to confront my past, which makes me not really interested in wasting my breath with someone who really doesn't care about my life or my problems, and is probably only interested in easing the awkwardness brought by silence or hearing some interesting gossip.
- Not much actually, I've been working out of town for a while, and after resigning I decided to come back to the city.
I respond with an answer that is complex enough to demonstrate a minimum of cordiality, but without revealing anything significant about me or my life, if I remain silent at this moment, he will probably take advantage of it to continue the conversation, so it is better to continue talking and say something to make it clear that I do not wish to continue talking to him.
- Excuse me, I have something I need to check.
With that said, I reach into my coat pocket grab my phone and a pair of headphones, and proceed to unlock the phone with that password I haven't changed in years, after that I simply open a social media app to try and talk to the person I'm supposed to surprise with my arrival.