I regret replying to that letter yesterday.
That's what I'm thinking now, and perhaps I'll continue to think the same even in the distant future.
***
Right now, I'm outside.
Yes. For the first time in the past two weeks, I have finally stepped out of Gwendolyn's residence.
Up until now, I had been tightly guarded, not allowed to move much, even when all I wanted was a casual stroll around the vast, luxurious garden of the residence. The people in Gwendolyn's household were overly cautious, constantly worrying about my health, even though it had been two weeks since the accident where I fell from a horse.
But now, I'm really outside.
Even though there's no strict, chaotic security detail as I had expected—something that would typically accompany a noble young lady from a prestigious family, especially one so protective of their daughter's safety—I am still accompanied by a trusted family guard and a personal maid, both of whom I rely on.
Maybe it's because I'm with her.
Yes, her.
The damn heroine.
I watched Cecillia as she picked out dresses for the upcoming summer at a boutique often visited by the Imperial family, one that Emmeline and Gwendolyn frequently went to together.
Her beautiful face was glowing with joy as she tried on a new dress, surrounded by busy staff assisting her, completely unaware of the distress and turmoil I was experiencing because of her sudden appearance at Gwendolyn's residence to drag me out.
But all I could do was swallow my frustration and silently decide to accompany her, much like Eleanor would when she was with her.
***
"You do realize that's not what I'm asking right now."
Cecillia's calm voice, a stark contrast to the cheerful tone she usually had, was clear enough to make me stop myself from furrowing my brow.
"... Why are you asking that?" I could only respond as calmly as Eleanor would, though inside, my mind was in chaos.
At first, I was excited to finally have the golden opportunity to step outside, as I hadn't had a chance to see the world of the novel my younger brother wrote ever since I got trapped in Gwendolyn's residence, where her family was overly protective of Eleanor. Even when I was allowed to go out, I would always be accompanied by the Marquis and Marchioness, or at least by Alger, so I could never move freely.
That's why I was thrilled about this rare chance to be out without them by my side, even though it was Cecillia, the heroine, who had invited me. The person I had been desperately avoiding was now the one I was going out with.
'Well, it's only because I could leave with her that my family softened and allowed it… After all, Cecillia's security detail is just as strict as mine...'
The plan for today was to try once again to get closer to Alger. I had failed to extract any information from him last night because he had been, oddly enough, quite busy and couldn't spare any time for me, even though he usually always had time to chat with me.
'It seems the royal selection tournament is really close...' I thought, feeling numb.
That's why I decided not to reject the sudden invitation from this heroine, without any clear reason. When I looked at it from different angles, I realized I could use this situation to my advantage, regardless of what Cecillia's goal might be.
But who would've thought that this crazy Cecillia would drag me into a shopping spree for hours as if she had completely forgotten that I was still recovering from my accident?
Remembering it again only made me more annoyed, and I wanted to hit Cecillia's back, scold her, and tear apart the flowery thoughts in her head. But fortunately, I still had enough sanity to restrain myself.
"My point is..." She cut into her fruit tart, her initially stern expression slowly turning grim.
"Why didn't you inform me when you were at the academy? Didn't you know how shocked I was when I heard about the accident from my maid..? If I had known sooner, I would've come to your academy immediately!" Cecillia's eyes began to well up as she said this.
"... I'm sorry." That was all I could say.
Although to be honest, I wasn't sure what I should be apologizing for, because I knew that Eleanor wasn't at fault, and it wasn't her responsibility to send a letter. Eleanor was focused on her studies at the academy, so she likely wouldn't have remembered to send a letter unless someone reminded her. Her family knew this, which is why they always sent letters in advance to make sure Eleanor didn't forget due to her busy schedule.
Cecillia let out a soft sigh and shook her head as if reading my inner thoughts.
"No, I should be the one apologizing, Elen. I was too anxious about the situation and didn't think clearly. I should have known better, given your personality. I should have sent a letter first. Please forgive me."
I was a little taken aback by how quickly Cecillia realized her mistake and admitted it without hesitation, making me involuntarily let out a deep sigh.
'This is why, no matter how foolish Cecillia's actions may be toward Eleanor according to the original plot, I can't bring myself to hate her.'
"It's okay, thank you for understanding," I said, trying to give a simple smile.
'But unfortunately, Eleanor Gwendolyn, who should have received this apology, is no longer here...'
I briefly turned my attention to the window of the dessert building and saw ordinary citizens hustling through the streets, along with several noble carriages passing by on their way to their respective destinations. It all seemed so ordinary from this vantage point.
I wanted to enjoy the peace and this rare moment for a while, but when I heard the soft clinking of cutlery from the person sitting in front of me, I couldn't relax at all, knowing the reality of what was about to happen.
"So... What is it that you really want to talk about?"
Cecillia, who had calmed down after her emotional outburst, was startled but nodded slightly as if she knew I would bluntly ask this. I also understood that Cecillia wanted to discuss something important, considering she had gone through the trouble of emptying the entire second floor of this dessert building for just the two of us.
It would be odd if she only wanted to eat without being interrupted or stared at by others.
"It's about your reply to my letter yesterday..." Cecillia answered, nervously fiddling with her fingers. Her anxiety was clear as she seemed to be opening up about something deep within her heart.
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"I was so excited when I read your reply, and I couldn't wait any longer to ask more. Since we can only send one letter a day, I ended up ignoring the proper etiquette and visiting you suddenly to discuss it in person..." Cecillia confessed, her face blushing adorable—so beautiful that anyone would be mesmerized by it.
But unfortunately, the one sitting in front of her was me, someone overwhelmed by too many thoughts, so I couldn't appreciate the beauty before me.
"This isn't the first time you've acted improperly. Just a few days ago, you even brought Duke Emmeline along," I finally had the chance to bring up that issue.
Even now, I still couldn't understand why Cecillia thought it was acceptable to bring her father just to meet Eleanor!
Cecillia, as I knew from the novel, was someone who valued the boundaries set by others, especially with Eleanor, her childhood friend, who had her own struggles. Cecillia, being understanding, always tried to give Eleanor her space to avoid making her uncomfortable.
Cecillia looked shocked as if she hadn't expected me to bring that up, and her face flushed even more. "It's because..."
Her face, her brown eyes, which had been teary-eyed while looking at the dessert on the table, slowly lifted, staring directly at me. I could faintly see my own reflection in the shadows of her irises.
"Because I don't want to regret it."