We are still on our way to the Northern Mountains, but it is getting late. I notice everyone with me is full of fatigue, and I feel genuinely sorry that I am making them come all of this way. It's been a long day for all of us.
We started this day at around 4 in the morning, when we all woke up to get on the carriage. Since we went to bed late, we hardly got any sleep at all. The carriage offered us a little bit of rest, but that was not enough.
Natalia, Portia, Cabel, and myself were lucky. We got to sit around the Alchemist's house for most of the morning. Kavella and Kael had no such luck. They went to go find Noah, and they had to battle with a horde of Antelope Spirits while they were out. Right after, they had to battle with some woman who was into Spirit Possession…shortly after, we went on the road, and we were walking for hours. Then we get to Whitewind, where we immediately went through another battle. We've now been walking for another hour, and our pace is quick. I look around at the rest of my group. They look utterly exhausted, but they are all pressing on. They're marching forward because I told them to,
This is wrong. I realize this. We're pushing forward because we need to, but there are also physical limits. If we keep going on like this, there's no way we'll have enough strength to take on Merava and settle our battle with her. At this level of exhaustion, she'd be able to kill all of us easily.
"Hey, everyone," I call out. "Why don't we take a quick break?"
Laela turns to me. "But…"
I see her look around at the rest of the group, and she realizes my judgment call. Neither Laela nor I are too exhausted, but it is clear everyone else is on the verge of dropping. Even Cabel is low on energy, and I can't blame him. He's huge and he's carrying a bag that's probably three times heavier than any of ours.
On that note, we all drop down and start to recover. It feels amazing to get off of my feet, but there's still something bothering me. We don't know where Merava is, but we did discover some useful intel while we were in the town. The fire that we had come across, it had only started about fifteen to twenty minutes before we got to town. That means that Merava, best case scenario, is only fifteen minutes ahead of us. Worst case scenario, she's about an hour ahead. That would mean she left the town the instant the fires started, though.
If we stay still for about thirty minutes, we'll be pretty far behind. I know thirty minutes of resting isn't going to be enough for us, though. We need a whole nights' rest. I am exhausted, and I am running on very little sleep.
"We'll get back moving in ten, twenty minutes," I inform the group. "Just long enough for us all to stretch out and relax."
"We can rest a little bit longer," Portia says. "The guards from the local military garrison patrol the area around the Northern Mountain cave until around midnight. It's only ten now, and we're still thirty minutes out. So…we can rest an hour, by my math. Merava won't be able to storm in there with the guard. She'll cause too much of an uproar."
I consider what Portia has said, and defer to her. "That sounds good," I say. "We'll wait here for about forty minutes, then. Everyone in agreement?"
I don't hear any objections, so I'm certain that we're all good with it. I walk over to a nearby tree and rest against it. The bark is poking me in the back in every place imaginable, but I don't care. It feels amazing to just lounge around like this.
Kael walks up to me and leans down next to me while I am resting at the tree. "Hey, Sigmund, I'm sorry about earlier."
"Earlier?" I say it before I think. Earlier, Kael and Kavella made me go away because they were having a private conversation.
"Oh, that. It's no big deal."
Kael smiles at me. He looks relieved that I am not going to make a big deal about it. "I have a question about Portia," he mumbles. "How in the world does she know the military's patrol patterns?"
I think for a moment. That is suspicious, actually. I hadn't given it any thought, but it is strange. "Why don't you ask her?" I say. "I don't know her story."
"I did ask her, actually, just a minute ago," Kael smiles. "She said they have access to all of that information through the Vitarine Company. Why do you think that would be?"
Um...I have no idea, honestly. Am I supposed to say something enlightening here? I decide to take my best shot at theorycrafting.
"Uh…maybe…they were watching the place in order to give Merava the information, and Portia ended up seeing the information also?"
Kael looks at me like I just said something brilliant, but I know the real reason he's happy. He's happy that I actually said something, for once. I normally stare at him, confused.
"Well, I'm glad," Kael says. "You're actually paying attention. Your theory makes a lot of sense, Sigmund, thanks."
He stands up as if he's going to walk away, but I grab his arm to stop him. "Wait, Kael," I murmur quietly. "Do you want to, I don't know…talk for a little while?"
"I'm supposed to get back to Kavel—" Kael pauses in the middle of the word 'Kavella'. "You know, never mind, she can wait. We don't get enough chances to talk to each other anymore."
Kael takes a seat next to me and looks up to the sky. There are many tall trees around us, which stretch far into the sky. As I look around the nightscape, I feel a sudden rush of cold wind. This far to the north, the temperature is a lot lower than what I am used to. It's going to be a cold night.
"What will we do when we finally get back home?" I ask my friend.
Kael turns his head toward me and replies. "We'll be the two best Spiritguards that Arcona Village has ever had, what else?"
Kael's happiness and optimism makes a smile appear on my face. "Do you believe that there's something waiting for us, after death?" Kael asks me. The question comes as a surprise, and it's something I haven't really thought about before. There is no church in Arcona Village, and religion wasn't talked about much growing up. Because of the lack of a church or any sort of established religion, it's not something the people from Arcona ever really talk about. Why is Kael asking me a question like that? Does it have to do with Laela? She works with the church, so I'm assuming she's the religious type.
"Like a heaven or a hell?" I reply.
"Doesn't have to be. I mean anything."
I feel my brow furrow as I think up an answer. I've never actually considered where I might go when I die. It's very possible that there's some sort of afterlife for the good and the bad people to go to, but I don't even know where I'd end up if there was one. I haven't led a particularly virtuous and peaceful life, so I don't think I'd get into any sort of 'heaven'. But I also don't feel like I'm bad enough to get thrown in hell. Where would I end up, then? Is there some sort of middle option for the normal people?
It's also quite possible that nothing happens to us at all when we die. When we die, we might just lose our spark of light, and that's the end of that. No more Sigmund.
"Well, what do you think?" I throw the question back to Kael. I know he's smarter than me, so he'll be able to put together an answer. I can't.
"I'd like to think that when I die, there's a place where my soul will go," Kael continues to stare up at the sky. "I don't think it's a heaven, or a hell. I think of it more as a quiet, empty, and endless plain that stretches as far as the eye can see in any direction. Time doesn't pass there, and nothing bad happens there. It's a dream, and a final resting place for our souls. And…and it doesn't exist anywhere. Not on this planet, not up there," he says, pointing to the stars. "But in here." As he says that, he taps his chest. He means his heart.
"There doesn't need to be a heaven or hell, you see," Kael smiles. "I have my own vision of what the afterlife holds for me, and that makes it just and real and just as valid as anyone else's vision. Because…I know that when I do die, that afterlife will be the last thing I think about before I go. Even if it's not a physical place, that's the last thing my soul will see, so that's my afterlife."
Kael looks back down to earth and his eyes glance out into the towering trees. He is silent, and so am I. I am thinking long and hard about what he's said. It's fascinating that he's put so much thought into this. Or…maybe it's not him that's fascinating. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the strange one for never giving a thought into my life, what my life means, and my death. Isn't it natural to want to know what happens to yourself when you die? Doesn't everyone want some sort of eternal bliss or happiness, or to spend their afterlife with those they love?
Kael eventually says goodbye and walks off to deal with Kavella. I don't know what he has to say to her, but she really wanted him for whatever reason.
I look around and I see that Noah has joined Kavella and Kael. I guess the three of them are getting along well. Laela and Cabel are still talking to each other. They seem like they'd rather not be disturbed.
I'm still looking over at Kael, and I see Natalia kneel down next to him. If Natalia's there, then where's Portia?
"Guess who?" comes a voice from behind the tree.
"Oh gee, I wonder," I say. I smile and turn around to see Portia there, kneeling beside the tree.
"What's up?" she pokes me. "Are we going soon?"
"Yeah, maybe…five more minutes," I say. "Are your things all together?"
"Don't be dumb," Portia laughs. "I don't have any things. We left right from the hotel, remember?"
I guess Portia is right. She didn't have anything when we left. The only possession she has right now is her gun, which unfortunately cannot harm Spirits. She's…I guess she's a liability, but I like her.
"Do you want to go for a quick walk, while we still have our five minutes?" Portia giggles. I guess this is her way of flirting. I…I guess I can do a five minute walk.
"Okay," I reply. It's a nice excuse to warm up for the rest of our journey to the Northern Mountain, at the very least.
Portia leads me through the tall trees. We can still see the rest of the group from where we are, but most of the area is enshrouded in the darkness. She trails along ahead of me, soft white moonlight reflecting off of her smooth skin.
"Sigmund, I wanted to ask you something personal," Portia chirps as she glides through the trees. I stop walking and look out to her, wondering what it is that she wants. "I want to know what your relationship is with Kavella. You two don't talk much, but you seem awfully close, and she's always stealing glances at you."
My relationship with Kavella? Well, she's my friend, I guess. Kael asked me if there was something more to our friendship in Greenwald Village, but I really don't think there is. Kavella and I don't talk enough for there to be any real feelings between the two of us.
"We're just friends, that's all," I reply. "Friends from school."
Portia seems happy when I say this, and she continues trailing around in the darkness. "What's your relationship with me?"
"Uh…"
Portia suddenly appears in front of me, as she pops out from behind a nearby tree. "I just want to know, Sigmund, because I'm a little worried," she pouts. "I'm afraid of Merava. I can't fight to protect myself, so I need you to protect me. If you're not there for me, I could die. I'm…I'm glad to die for you, Sigmund, but I just want to know. Are you willing to protect me? Do you…care about me, in that way?"
What's she talking about? Ugh…and do I really have to answer?
"I care about everyone here," I say dodging the deeper meaning.
"But who do you care about…deeply? Deeper than…anyone else?"
"Kael?"
"I knew there was something weird between you two," Portia looks down.
"N-no! Not like that!" I grab Portia by the shoulders. "You know what I mean. He's my best friend. I've known him forever, of course I care about him the most."
"I meant romantically, you idiot."
I blink my eyes in confusion. She called me an idiot? Well…that's a little harsh. I'm not calling her names.
"Do you like me, Sigmund?" she tries again. She sure is pushy.
"I…guess so," I stammer. "I haven't thought about it, we're kind of busy with other things."
Portia leans up and kisses me quickly on the lips. I don't kiss her back. I've never kissed anyone before, and the way things are turning out is awfully strange.
I expected the first time I kissed a girl would be, uh…intentional. And romantic. Not like this.
Portia pulls me into a hug. The hug is mutual, at least. "I'm sorry for that, Sigmund," she breathes out desperately. "I'm just…I don't know why, because I barely know you, but I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt because of all of this. I don't want you, or Natalia, or anyone to get hurt, but I know I can't stop it from happening."
Portia looks up into my eyes. She's truly beautiful in this moonlight, and seeing her like this makes me think even more about how I feel. There are light tears in her eyes.
"I know what I have to do," she says. "But I want to protect you. I…I can't protect you, though, not from Merava. So…I'll protect you from everything else."
"What do you mean, everything else?"
Portia shakes her head. "There are worse things than Spirits in this world, Sigmund. Things you can't fight against. I won't let them hurt you."
Hearing Portia say that reminds me of something Kavella said to me a few days ago. It was right after I woke up, after Merava appeared. She said 'I won't let anyone hurt you, Sigmund'. Here I am again, with another girl saying the same thing. What exactly are they protecting me from, though? I feel like I can protect myself.
Portia is about to pull away, but I don't let her. I pull her closer and kiss her, this time. She's surprised, but I can feel her heart racing and I know it is what she wanted.
"Thank you, Portia," I say. "We'll protect each other, then."
I wonder if I did the right thing. For some reason, I keep thinking of Kavella, and I assume it's because she said a very similar thing. But why? Why would…
It doesn't do me any good if I think about these things now. We should really get going. We don't have any time to waste, not with Merava still so far ahead of us.
"Ow," I say as Portia pulls away.
Portia's face turns red and she looks down to the ground. "I'm sorry," she gulps. "I must have accidentally scratched your neck with my nails."
I look down at Portia's nails. They were once nicely done and painted, but the past two days haven't been kind to her. They're chipped and one of them is broken. It doesn't take away from her beauty, though, not one bit.
Portia and I walk back to the rest of the group, and we're greeted with some strange looks. Everyone is wondering why we had to run off the way we did, and I'm a little embarrassed. Still, it doesn't matter. They can think what they want. I know what happened and why it happened.
Portia needed some confirmation from me, because she's obviously developed feelings for me. Who can blame her? I'm pretty excellent, after all.
We continue on our way to the Northern Mountain. We'll be there very soon, and we managed to pick up the pace and get there even quicker than we thought we would. The short rest seems to have revitalized most of our energy.
We are there, and we see that the guards are still doing their final patrol. This is a military zone, and the guards are ordered to shoot on sight. If it weren't for that, we'd ask them for help. I'm not sure where Merava is, but she must be watching this moment. When the final set of guards walks away from the cave, she'll make her break for it. We'll go, too. We'll go, catch her, and finish her before she can start any more problems for the rest of the world.