The morning came too soon. I wasn't ready to face reality. Life was perfect in my dreams. In my dreams, Damian had told me that he loved me too. The events of the previous night still tormented my memories: Damian's words, his touch, the way he had walked out knowing he owned my soul.
I went into the kitchen to get some caffeine into my system and maybe fix myself a bit of breakfast. That's when my phone buzzed with a text from Lena.
Lena: Ice cream and wine again tonight?
I texted her back. My response would let her know how my conversation with Damian went. It went nowhere.
Me: Let's do it, sis!
I decided to clear my head withsome shopping. Lena had done the shopping for ice cream yesterday, so I guess today was my turn. I took a shower after my breakfast, dolled myself up, and headed out.
After getting the ice cream and wine, I put them in the mini cooler and decided to put that fifty thousand dollars to good use so I headed to a retail clothing store. I was in one of the aisles, trying to figure out which would look better on me: the red mini dress or the pink dinner dress.
I caught a glimpse of Genevieve headed in the direction I was standing in. We had met a couple of times when I was still a secretary in Damian's office so I tried to blend in with the array of clothes around me. I concentrated on scanning through the clothes in a bid to hide my face better.
This is just pathetic… I thought to myself. Damian had managed to turn me into the side chick.
"Damian's going to propose this weekend." My ears shot up at the words I just heard, my fingers squeezing the fabric in my hand. What did she just say? He was going to propose again?
"Are you sure? Do you think he would want to go through that ordeal again?" asked another voice, one I didn't recognize.
"Oh, darling, Damian loves Paris, I love Paris and Damian loves me. If he is going to Paris, then that's why. I see the way he has been looking at me since I got back. He still has the hots for me,"
My heart stopped. Paris? A proposal? I knew it, I saw it coming. I was never in this race.
"I am not so sure, Genny."
"He spent the night at mine last night and I saw the ring."
"Oh, then that changes things. If that's true, then he really does love you. I can't imagine any man coming for seconds,"
"Oh, I'm going to marry him this time," Genny snapped at whoever the hell she was talking to. The other lady sighed and mumbled something beneath her breath that I couldn't catch.
Of all the stores that I could shop in, I chose the one in which I would bump into her and overhear his engagement plans.
*****
That evening, Lena showed up as promised and met me a crying mess. I had finished the ice cream and wine already. My eyes were swollen and I looked like a puff diva.
"What did he do again?" she asked, plopping onto the couch with the pizza box she brought along.
I relayed the story of my shopping eavesdropping and threw in how I hid behind clothes to keep Genevieve from seeing me. I felt like I was doing something wrong, I felt used. She allowed me to cry and talk. I was finally going to lose him. I had allowed myself to be a kept woman and nothing more.
My heart was already in pieces and he had managed to rip each piece out one after the other. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. The only way to save myself from this heartbreak, turmoil, and emotional slavery was to leave. I wasn't going to wait for him to stop calling or coming around.
How did I allow myself to become so far gone? Yes, the money, the jewelry, the clothes; I loved them at first and almost immediately I wanted more. I hoped there would be more, I prayed and in the end, I ended up as 'the other woman'.
*****
My misery continued until morning as the sunlight poured into my apartment. I didn't get any sleep. My eyes were even puffier and my head felt like a small screw was being blotted down into it. I stared at the mess in my living room: empty wine bottles, pizza boxes, and ice cream bowls.
My stomach felt queasy at the sight but I couldn't muster the energy to start cleaning. Whatever I had to do, I had to do now. If I see Damian one more time, I may change my mind. I have never been able to say no to the man, I don't think I would be able to start now.
The first order of business: pack up my life. I marched into my bedroom, flung open the closet, and looked sadly at the array of designer dresses, handbags, and shoes that Damian had given me and those I had bought with the weekly deposits he would send me.
If I was going to begin afresh, I wouldn't need all of these. I was going to a place where I wouldn't be known as the kept woman. I was going to be a woman of my own just like I had intended before Damian happened.
I shut the closet and looked around for anything that was of sentimental value. I had nothing. My life really was bleak. The only thing of sentimental value was the gold locket around my neck that carried a picture of both of us enclosed in it. Even that, I had gifted myself.
I grabbed a handbag, andthrew my phone and the locket around my neck in there, my ID and ATM. I looked around the room at the apartment he had gotten me. I had lived in this apartment for five years hoping for my wish to come true.
Without taking a shower, without looking in my mirror, without my makeup on, and without my expensive clothes, I turned off the lights and walked out of the house, looking forward to something new.
I shot a text to Lena to sell everything in my closet and send some of the money to me. I hailed a taxi and dropped the phone in the bin. It's the first step towards the start of something new.