Since that "confession" incident, my relationship with Santi took a nosedive. Every time we bumped into each other, the air between us felt heavy, awkward, and stiff. Honestly, I hated how things turned out. I never thought that moment would drive a wedge between us, especially since we used to bicker playfully without a care. The problem was, I had no idea how to fix it.
On top of that, there was the traditional farewell ceremony rehearsal I was supposed to attend because I got picked to play the "groom." Instead, I often skipped and hid out at the nearby PlayStation rental. It wasn't because I was lazy or didn't respect the tradition. I just couldn't face Santi for a while. As the student council president, she was one of the organizers, and I wasn't ready to deal with the looks or the exchanges that might make things even more awkward.
A week went by, and I kept avoiding her. But slowly, guilt started creeping in. I realized I couldn't keep running away. If I did, nothing would ever change. So, I decided to try breaking the ice. I mustered up the courage to greet her, even if it was just small talk. Unfortunately, my effort backfired. Now, it was Santi who was avoiding me.
Every time I tried to get closer, Santi had a way of slipping away. Sometimes she'd pretend to be busy, other times she'd just walk off before I could even say a word. It was getting super frustrating. I didn't get why she was acting like this. Maybe she was still awkward, or maybe she thought I wasn't responding well to her feelings.
After thinking it over for a while, I finally decided to put an end to it. I didn't want things to stay like this with Santi forever. If I didn't take a step now, things would just get worse. So, I decided to have a talk with her, no matter what the risk was. And practice was the perfect moment to do it.
"Hey bro, where've you been? Aren't you supposed to be at practice?" Angga asked casually when I showed up at the practice spot. His attention was mostly on Echa, the dancer for the upcoming traditional ceremony, but he occasionally glanced at me, curious.
I sighed, feeling too tired for this. "I can't be bothered with practice. Hey, do you know who's playing the bride?" I asked. Honestly, I was just trying to figure out who'd be stuck playing the bride since I hadn't been to any of the practices.
Angga furrowed his brow, trying to remember. "Isn't it you and Santi playing the groom dan the bride?" he asked, staring at me with a confused look. His voice sounded a bit incredulous, as if he couldn't believe I didn't know yet.
His words snapped me out of my thoughts, filling my mind with memories of that moment from a while ago. "Santi? I didn't know. Why didn't she tell me?" I asked, my tone tinged with surprise. Though deep down, I knew exactly why Santi might've forgotten to mention it. It had everything to do with the moment she confessed her feelings—a moment so intense that it left my mind blank. By the time I got home, I finally snapped out of it, barely remembering how I managed to ride my motorbike home safely.
"Well, you went to her house that time," Angga said, reminding me with a puzzled tone.
"She probably forgot," I shrugged, trying to steer the conversation away from going too deep. "Anyway, I'll figure out where's she is."
Finally, I found her at the practice area. Again, as I tried to speak, she avoided me. Before she could completely leave, I gently grabbed her hand, pulling her slightly away from the crowd.
"Hey, why do you keep running away every time we meet?" I asked with a slightly firm tone, though there was a hint of disappointment beneath my words.
"En… I was… called by the teacher," she stammered, struggling to pull her hand free. But I didn't let go, sensing there was something she wanted to say.
"Wait, Ti. I need to talk to you. Don't leave just yet," I said softly, trying to give her comfort.
"What do you want to say? I'm in a rush," she said quickly, her voice trembling slightly, betraying the anxiety she was trying to hide.
"Why didn't you tell me you were the bride?" I asked, my tone filled with disbelief, searching for an answer I'd been waiting for.
"You should know by now if you weren't skipping practices all the time," she replied, her tone a little irritated, though there was something beneath it that hinted at her own guilt.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But about what you said that day, when you told me you liked me. Were you serious?" I asked softly, trying to understand what was really going on in her mind.
"Do you think I was joking?" she shot back, her gaze intense but carrying a hesitation that was hard to hide.
"But you know I already have a girlfriend," I said seriously, looking directly into her eyes. Her expression was calm, but the way her eyes held a deeper meaning spoke volumes beyond her words.
"Yeah, but…" Santi's voice trembled, soft but filled with doubt. Her eyes were filled with fear, as if there was something she wanted to say but couldn't quite bring herself to.
"Tii... listen to me," I said softly, holding her shoulders gently yet firmly, trying to create a moment where this conversation wouldn't slip away unnoticed.
"No! I don't want to listen," Santi said, struggling to free herself from my grasp.
I sighed deeply before continuing, "I'm sorry, Tii. I can't lie— I like you too, but Tii... I can't hurt you. I don't want to see you get hurt," I said with a gentle but firm tone. Each word felt like a weight pressing down on me.
"…"
Santi lowered her head for a moment, hiding the turmoil inside her. "You deserve better, Tii. Besides, we can be friends," I added, trying to shift the focus away from the heavy emotions.
"Yeah, I know. But I can't just be friends," Santi replied softly, her voice carrying a deep, unspoken pain. Her face held back tears, but the sadness was clear in every expression.
"Tii..." I said with understanding, feeling helpless seeing her like this, yet knowing there was little I could do to ease her pain.
"Thanks," Santi whispered with a faint smile, unreadable yet deeply felt. The disappointment was evident, tightly held but impossible to forget.
I stood there, frozen, trying to comprehend what she had just said. But before I could respond, Santi suddenly turned and ran away. Her tears flowed freely, streaking down her flushed cheeks. Her body trembled, as though holding back something too heavy to let go. I just stood there, watching her retreating back, feeling empty and full of regret. 'If only you had told me all this before Rani showed up.'
From that moment, things between Santi and me didn't return to normal. They got worse. Every time we met, an unbridgeable gap seemed to grow. She began avoiding me and rarely participated in practices. At first, it was just a guess, but hearing it from the head of the committee made everything painfully clear. Santi had decided to step down from her role as the bride.
I truly couldn't understand how things had come to this. It all felt like it happened so fast, with no chance to fix anything. The ending was far from what I had hoped for, far from what I wanted. It felt like losing something precious, and that regret haunted me endlessly.
Every moment with Santi became a memory I couldn't shake. I felt responsible for it all, even though I couldn't entirely blame myself. But that feeling of regret lingered, filling my thoughts with an unspeakable sadness.