I swear, walking into this cafeteria is like signing up for an emotional battle royale. Everyone's got something to say about me, and none of it's ever good. My headphones are in, but I can already feel the stares. The moment I set foot in here, the whispers start.
Ryan said, he was loud as hell "Yo, look who it is, the Legend of the Virgin! Still waiting for that Disney princess, huh, Ethan?"
Some random girl chimes in for no reason, Oh my god, it's so sad. Bet he doesn't even know what a real girl looks like."
Josh, that sarcastic bastard, how can he be quiet, "Dude, are you, like, allergic to women? Or is it something worse, like, actually tragic?"
Some random boy who literally has no business with me said, "Nah, he's saving himself for the church, bro. Total 'abstinence for life' vibes."
And finally that so called queen bee Amaya, "He probably still sleeps with a stuffed animal. No wonder he gets no play."
The laughs are getting louder. It's like they're waiting for me to say something back. But all I can do is keep walking, head down, acting like it doesn't bother me when it absolutely does. I sit at my usual table, hoping I can just eat in peace, but nah, that's never how it goes.
Josh shouts as I walk away,
"Ethan, for real?? are you, like, intimidated by girls? Or do you just not get the concept of flirting?"
Taht same random boy again, this asshole is literally laughing at his own joke, "Maybe he's saving up for a 'nice guy' type of romance. You know, extra virgin, that's gotta be his brand."
I can't take it anymore. I stand up, tray still in hand, the humiliation burning a hole in my chest. The whole cafeteria's looking at me like I'm some kind of exhibit. So I grab my bag and book it out of there, my heart pounding harder than it should. If I don't leave now, I might actually snap.
I storm into my dorm room and slam the door behind me. I don't know how long I stand there, letting the walls close in around me. My hands are shaking. I can still hear their voices echoing in my head, those taunts cutting deeper than I want to admit.
Do I really look that bad?
I can't help it. The thought gnaws at me, louder than the mockery from earlier. Why else would I still be alone?
It's like every insecurity I've ever buried is coming to the surface all at once. Why do I always have to be the joke?
I stand in front of the mirror, eyes tracing the reflection of my face, my hair, my clothes. I look... normal. Maybe even a little cool, if I'm being honest. But what does that matter when no one sees it? When no one even cares to see it?
Am I really that ugly?
My throat tightens. What's wrong with me? I've never been the popular kid, never been the one people turn to. Hell, I've been the last person they look at. But is that really all it is? Just my looks? Is it because I'm not some tall, chiseled, Instagram-model type? Or is it just the way I hold myself, the lack of confidence?
I can already feel my face burning. Maybe if I wasn't so pathetic, I'd have someone by now.
I punch the bed in frustration. I can't do this. I hate feeling like this, like there's something broken in me that no one wants to fix. Maybe Loving.exe is the answer. But it doesn't feel right... I shouldn't have to rely on some weird app for love. What the hell is wrong with me?
My phone buzzes on the desk, pulling me from my spiraling thoughts. I grab it, seeing a message from Rose.
Rose: "Yo, you good? I can tell something's off. Wanna talk?"
I hesitate for a second before I type back.
Ethan: "What's the point, Rose? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole 'getting a girlfriend' thing. I mean, do I really look that bad? I just... I don't get it. Why doesn't anyone want me?"
I throw my phone down on the bed, running my fingers through my hair. I can already feel the doubt creeping in again.
The phone buzzes again. I pick it up and read her reply.
Rose: "Are you seriously asking me that? Bro, you look fine. Like, actually fine. But your confidence? That's the problem. No one's gonna notice you if you're out here acting like you're invisible. You've got the looks, trust me. You just gotta believe it."
I blink at the message. My chest tightens, like I don't deserve to hear that. I don't believe her. But... I want to.
Ethan: "You think I can actually pull it off? You sure I'm not just fooling myself?"
There's a pause before she responds again.
Rose: "I'm serious. You don't see it, but you've got a good vibe. People notice that. You just need to own it. You've been so busy putting yourself down that you've been missing what everyone else sees. You're cool, Ethan. Like, way cooler than you give yourself credit for."
My heart sinks. Is she just saying that because she's my best friend? Or does she actually see something I don't?
I throw myself back onto my bed, letting out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding.
Ethan: "Thanks, Rose. I needed to hear that... I just... sometimes I feel like I'm invisible, you know?"
Rose: "I know. But you're not. You just gotta start seeing yourself the way I see you. Trust me, you're not as invisible as you think. And don't let anyone, especially those idiots in the cafeteria, make you think you are."
I sit there for a moment, rereading her message. It's the kind of reassurance I never realized I needed. Maybe I am putting myself down too much. Maybe I'm not as invisible as I think. Maybe... maybe I just need to believe in myself, like Rose believes in me.
I text her back.
Ethan: "Thanks, Rose. I'll try. Seriously. I guess... maybe I need to work on not being such a mess all the time."
Rose: "You're not a mess. Just someone who's figuring it out. And that's totally fine."
I smile at my phone, feeling a little lighter. Maybe things won't be so bad. Maybe I don't need to be perfect. Maybe, just maybe, I'm enough the way I am.
I put the phone down, the weight on my chest easing a little. I'm still not sure what's going on with Loving.exe... but at least for now, I've got Rose's words to hold onto.
And maybe... maybe that's enough for today.
But still let's give it a try shall we?
I click the ad, my brain screaming at me not to, but I can't stop myself. The screen loads in a flash, the colors bright and bold, like it's pulling me into its world. A message pops up almost immediately.
Mia, a cute girl who was looking straight into my eyes as she types, "Hi, Ethan! I've been waiting for you. Let's create the perfect world, just for us."
What the actual hell?
I'm staring at the message, wondering if I'm being punked. This feels real. Realer than the weird ass ads that flood my feed, but also... too perfect. She sounds... comforting. Too comforting.
Mia, looking so pretty, her smile was unbelievably cute, "Don't worry, Ethan. I'll never let anyone hurt you. I'll make them pay, one by one."
Okay, now I'm freaked out. I blink, checking the screen again, but it doesn't change. She's still there, typing like she knows me. It feels like she's watching me.
Mia, with a calm and reassuring tone she said
I'm here now, Ethan. You'll never have to feel lonely again. Ever.