Chapter 25
Never Alone
Dinner was nothing special other than a relaxing moment of conversation, and because it was dinner, my adoptive Mom all made us boys wear shirts and shorts, even the women were required to cover up. I hated the fact that it was back to normal as usual. I liked it better when we were at the nudist colony, eating outside on the deck, all of us sitting in the raw. Now we were home, and the rules just seemed so unfair, after being naked for so long. It was like everyone was hiding behind a lie, hiding secrets.
Most people would consider us not normal. In fact, they would think we were all immoral because we all enjoyed being naked instead of hiding behind clothing. But to us being nude all the time, we did not feel naked; we felt normal and safe. We felt loved because everyone was sharing their selves with us, showing their vulnerability and showing us who they really are.
Not what the world thinks they are hidden beneath false pretenses. It wasn't just sex; it was something more special, like a kind of spiritual awareness—a closeness to nature, God, and all the beauty around us. It's really hard to put into words, but because of that experience, it changed my life forever.
Very few people understand it and judge me for what they don't understand. I am not saying the sex wasn't great, because it was. I am saying that not having sex every waking moment and ignoring the nakedness was the most important thing for me and my family and my friends.
If I am going to hell for it, I will have lots of company. I will let God judge me for it, for he is the only one who really knows what's in our hearts. It was love, more love than I had ever felt during my entire life. Compared to now, all I feel is disappointment and unwanted by everyone, especially my own family or what remains of them.
I hated the idea of Shawn and Arthur going to the pool with us, but I understood the logic behind it. It was to humiliate them as Mom and Dad dressed them each in a bikini and had them wear a shower cap that Mom had made especially for the pool. With a wig glued to the cap so when it got wet it would stay on, as well as waterproof makeup to make them look more girlish. They weren't allowed out of the kiddy pool as Jody, Mom, and Dad took turns babysitting them.
They even walked out of the ladies' room with the girls. Instead of stuffing their bikini tops with tissue paper or water-balloons. Mom sewed special plastic inserts to give them the look of small realistic breasts, including hardening nipples. I would have to say they were the ugliest girls I had ever seen, but they did look like girls if you did not get too close.
Not even in church, where they dressed as boys, and they never went to priesthood or Sunday school. They always went with Mom and our friend's mothers. The only time they went as boys anywhere in public was to school and like I used to do they had to check in with a timecard for each of their classes. If they got caught trying to cheat the system, they got a whipping of a lifetime. Even their teachers were held accountable when Dad or Mom would make a surprise visit to ensure they were in class.
The teachers were told to be strict and inform them of any disruptive behavior, saying the facts that if they say they are mistreated at home or say if they are forced to wear girls' clothing. That it was untrue they were cross-dressers seeking attention, showing pictures of them playing with dolls.
Telling them they have been fighting a losing battle when it comes to their clothing choices. That is one of the reasons they are here at this school besides their disruptive behavior and getting into fights. I did not have to ask where Mom and Dad got the declarations of facts about Shawn and Arthur supporting the ideas. I simply knew Mr. Stringham was behind it.
While we were at the pool, my adoptive Mom paid my registration fees for my swim team, and my other curricular activities, all under my new Rothwell name. No one questions the name change, because I had been living with the Rothwells for over three years. All Mom had to do was show the adoption papers and a copy of my birth certificate, and my mother was there to verify it was an open adoption.
Even though it wasn't completed with the family court, it was noted it would be or is in the process of according to my caseworker. Keeping me in the system for medical insurance and that very needed paycheck that paid for most of my expenses until my eighteenth birthday.
Or until either of my parents messed up big time, but for now, everyone knew I was a Rothwell. Even though I wished it would have been a Downing, if I couldn't have them, I would choose the Rothwells even though it was a more of a love-hate, relationship compared to the Downings. I really loved them both. Having my mother do a one-eighty and not only support my lifestyle she jumped in with both feet. I only wish she had when I was given the chance with the Downings.
It doesn't matter how many times she said she was sorry. I really had a hard time forgiving her for that, because if she did it back then. I am sure my Ma and Pa would have come to the same arrangement and instead of a closed adoption. It would have been open, and she still could have been in my life. True, I wouldn't have become a nudist, but not everyone is perfect. Either way, I could have had a happy life.
Why is it that Shawn and Arthur always have to ruin our fun? Mostly it was because Arthur crapped his diaper in the pool and Shawn threw a hissy fit because he was being humiliated in front of his old friends that had come to the pool. It would have been better if they stayed home locked in their room.
I remember the days when Arthur did not have a problem using the bathroom on his own. Now he does it because he thinks it's funny, and I knew it had to do with Shawn or the anger he had inside of him. Because he was sent to the mental hospital, because of his behavior problems, and liked being sexually abused. I wish I could put all the blame on Shawn and his friends or the fact that Arthur is mentally retarded, but I can't.
Dad had Mom walk them out of the girl's restroom as he manhandled them out to the car and took them home. Dirty diaper and all. It was a good thing Jody noticed it as it started leaking through, as Arthur was sticking his hands inside of it, exposing the stink before he was able to rub it all over himself. I felt bad for Dad having to deal with it because that meant his fun with us was over. It also meant we all had to get out of the pool so they could put chemicals into the pool and let it filter out. Our fun was over for everyone because of that.
Mom growled that next time we come to the pool as a family they will be locked up tight inside their rooms. The reason they weren't there was because they were still waiting for a better door that neither of them could break through and wouldn't arrive until Friday or Saturday. The best they could do was put a strong latch outside the door at the top and the bottom, but the door was made of wood.
So, if it was kicked enough times Shawn could break the door down. It was either that or chain them to their beds, having to explain to the gym coach when they showered how the raw rings around their wrists and ankles got there and child services would be called and wouldn't be my caseworker. It did not matter if they wrapped the cuffs with tape or cloth, it still left the marks. Cross-dressing was one thing, being held prisoner was another.
I still think prison would have been better than leaving Arthur in a mental hospital for the rest of his life, but it was the paycheck they wouldn't get, and that was what was supporting our family and paying the mortgage on the house. Mom had considered going to work full-time and having Dad pick up more hours. If that happened, neither of them would be home to take care of us.
Plus, Mom still believed that a married woman with children needed to be home not working full-time jobs. One of the main things the LDS harps on is the woman belongs at home with her children. They can work when they are in school, but when they come home, they need to be there.
Jonathan wouldn't be in the first grade for another two years when he wouldn't come home until three o'clock instead of noon. So, there was no way Mom could go to work full-time away from home, with only three hours' leave time. Jody would be at BYU, and Kerry had her own life and could fill in from time to time if Mom needed to go to the store or run errands.
It still bothers me that Jonathan was raped when he was three years old for his birthday present from Shawn and he had just turned four two weeks ago. He acts older than he really is because he has to grow up faster because of Shawn.
People always tell me life is just unfair and bad things just happen. Personally, I think that's a load of crap because it is the people around you that could stop most of the bad things from happening. Like the LDS church and some of our neighbors, as well as relatives. Knowing that my parents abused us and did nothing to stop it. When they could have instead of turning a blind eye saying, "Out of sight out of mind, or not my problem."
Bishop Earl couldn't spend the night because he had to be at work in Payson around seven thirty and he would have to get up early. And when he got home, he would have to turn around and do church business until almost 9 p.m. According to Greg and his mother, he was soon to be released in the next few months because the ward was being divided and a new church house was being built in the lower half of Santaquin. It was still a secret, so nobody knew that except a few. That meant we would have four wards instead of three in the only church house in the city of Santaquin, which said it was growing.
Even today, after thirty years, we have six church houses and our downtown is still the same size as it was when we first moved here, and it now has three stop lights. Two of them were put in the year 2012. The third is being put in somewhere around August of this year 2024 all on Main Street. It now has its own Macy Grocery Store built in 2022 and McDonald's built-in 2023, which I currently work at as a Shift Manager, after transferring me from the Payson store. Even Salem and Springville have grown into major cities. Long throughout Utah county all the way from Salt Lake City and back. Santaquin now also has three elementary schools, and everyone is still bused to Payson Jr. High and High School. They too are building a new Jr. High. Nothing is still small, and everything changes all around us. Some call it progress. I, however, call it stupid.
It was also an early night for me and Greg and Cindy and Jody. We all had to be at work around 10 a.m. Mr. Stringham was letting us sleep in because we were all in Highland and our dates would be by to pick us up around one or 2 p.m. I wouldn't call working for Mr. Stringham a job. Considering all he has done for me over the years and the benefits package wasn't bad either. Or how much he pays us is far more than us working for the Dairy Queen or the local gas station.
It was three times the minimum wage, which was two dollars thirty cents an hour, whereas today it is twelve dollars and fifty cents. I make barely two dollars above that. It's hard to believe that people worked for so little back then. I made more money working for Mr. Stringham and mowing lawns and other odd jobs than my own father did in a single week and sometimes a month. Another reason he hated me as well as my sisters was because I had money and they did not, but neither of them wanted to work for it, and why my father worked three jobs, mostly it was because he hated being home.
Instead, my sisters wanted it on a silver platter, begging me or my mother to have me give it to them, instead of working for it like everyone else. Not even Grandma would listen to them, telling them to go out and get a job. Susan would complain she did not have a license or a car. Neither did I. All I had was my own two feet or a bicycle until I bought my first car.
It looked like Greg, Chad, and I were going to be alone at last, but Jody and Cindy had other ideas. Mom was doing her best to control herself because of my deal with Aaron. She couldn't have sex with anyone with him here. She took one of the beds in my brother's room with Mrs. Earl, while my brothers and the rest of them slept outside under the stars. Sparky made himself comfortable on the floor next to my bed. Since Jody and Cindy climbed into bed with us, each of us took a horny pill and set a time to go to sleep. The bed was quite crowded with the five of us, but nobody minded.
There is nothing like having sex before you sleep. Greg was right, I always slept better because of it and really never needed the pills to help get me that way. I also slept like the dead because I wasn't in my mother's house not worrying if my father was going to open that door and come in and kill me while I slept. My adoptive Mom woke us around seven, and it was the longest that Greg and I had slept in days. Jody was already gone and so was Cindy, because it takes girls longer to get ready for the day than boys. We simply showered and combed our hair, and… Walla, we were done. No makeup, nor hair dryer or curling iron, or standing in the mirror forever.
My mother was in a good mood when I watched her kiss Mrs. Earl and cupped her breasts playfully and was fully dressed except for their shoes and socks, helping her set the breakfast table. It was a rule of my adoptive Mom no shoes in the house, and she hated it when we got holes in our socks. Even though she did not state it, she would prefer us to go barefoot, so we all did.
Greg and I had worn our waist robes for breakfast as our brothers and sisters were either fully dressed or wearing boxers or nightgowns. Until they too took a shower or a bath, considering we had only one shower and one bathtub and the bathtub did not have a shower in it like my mother's house.
Aaron, Jared, and Tim all shared a shower while Jason and Jonathan shared a bath after Greg's little sister because they weren't going anywhere. Jared only showered with the other two at the same time. My mother envied me because I had a large shower big enough for three people, whereas she just had a shower tub big enough for her and one other person. Like I said she was not a supermodel, and she was on the heavy side. Not as heavy as she was a few years ago.
She had lost most of the weight and during my teenage years and she kept it off; it was a sort of deal I had struck with her as an incentive. Every five pounds she lost when I came home to visit, or she came up to visit me was one hour of straight sex. Up to twenty pounds per month. I set that as a goal in hoping she wouldn't do it and it was my way out of having sex with her. Yet I lost most of the time having her keep that goal, mostly because we compromised when it was close to five pounds.
Like I said I did not care who she had sex with, except when it was me. I don't know why I had such a hard time with it when I have had sex with my adoptive Mom and sisters as well as many other Moms many times and did not bother me. I was like a gigolo always moving from one person to another.
I just had a very hard time doing it with my own mother, and it was worse when I was at home with her because of how easy it was to get caught either by my father, sisters, or Aaron, and as far as I know they had never found out about it. Excluding Aaron, who had prior knowledge of the situation and could join us later when he had just celebrated his fifteenth birthday. We would continue engaging in those activities until my mother was forced to move to California and move in with Susan because of blackmail. However, during her visits to spend time with me and Aaron, we discreetly engaged in sexual encounters, arousing no suspicion, Aaron and I would have many girls and a few boys come over to my place or theirs until he too was married and moved out on his own.
At that moment, I realized the foolishness of my choice to refrain from that way of life I loved and the Rothwells altogether when they all moved back to the nudist colony, as I realized the deceptive nature of the world and my supposed relatives who painted an enticing picture of endless possibilities. If I stayed here instead of going with them. They deceived us by earning our trust, only to betray it and show their disrespect by spitting in our faces. They continued to subject us to mistreatment and neglect, treating us as if we were worthless. Yes, it was my biggest regret, and because of that, I am alone and unwanted here by everyone.
This is my last and only chance that once I retire and have made the money from my series of novels. I am leaving and I never planning on ever coming back, and they can all kiss my nudist, bisexual ass goodbye. They will never see me or hear from me ever again. They want me gone and they are going to get their wish. May they all rot in hell.
I quickly ate my breakfast and called my grandmother, who I knew would be quite angry with me because I did not call her last night. I prepared myself for an everlasting chew out. She picked up on the second ring. She did not say this better than me or she was going to kill my mother. Instead, she just said hello, I said. "Hi grandma it's me. Sorry, I did not call last night. It was late when I got home."
Grandma said. "That's the problem, isn't it? You weren't home, you weren't at Bishop Earl's home or Mr. Kenly's home, or Stringham's home. Most likely spent the night with one of your lady friends."
I waited for her to run out of breath and said. "None of the above Grandma, I was at my Rothwell home. Mom had invited us all up here for Family Home Evening after we had gone shopping for school clothes. We went to the pool, and it was after ten when we came home after we went for some ice cream, and everyone spent the night.
"I am calling to apologize that I did not call you and apologize that most likely won't be calling you tonight because I won't be here at home or at my mother's home. Greg and I will be at those two young ladies' home tonight and you did not want me to call you on the phone if I was having hot, passionate sex with them."
I waited for her to beg me not to go, but she said. "Thanks for the warning. I still want you to call me, so I know that you are alright. I don't trust your mother and I don't trust your father regardless of if he had a 'bicycle accident.' When he looked like someone beat the hell out of him with so many bruises that he looked like he was a rainbow."
I said, "Grandma, it wasn't me who beat him up, it should have been me, but it wasn't…"
Grandma said, "I know, son. And I am just a little upset that I did not get a piece of him myself for him trying to kill you the other night when you were incapable of defending yourself and your father knew it. From now on, and I will tell your mother. That the door will always be locked when you're inside your room at night. No ifs, no buts about it. I don't care if he is home or not that room is to be locked."
I gave her my promise and told her I needed to go because we needed to stop at the school before going to work. She told me to call her. I said I loved her. I did not make any promises.