How pathetic am I? I came all this way knowing the path I was going to walk, and yet I still feel like I could change fate. She didn't deserve this. I should be there but… here I sit. Far back in this chapel, crying silently.
* * *
The date was August 5th 2022, my birthday. I remember it vividly. I wake up, step out of bed and stretch, grabbing my leg trying to bend it a bit to warm it for the day ahead. My leg had been injured slightly the day before, so I winced as I put my weight onto that side. Slowly and still dazed, I decide to check my phone to see what I missed while asleep, seeing a reminder I set for myself.
"One week- First Day of Senior Year. Well, isn't that something…"
In 7 days, I was going to become a senior in high school. Now to most people, they would feel ecstatic, but I felt quite the opposite. 17 years of youth, and I had wasted all of it. I had no prospects to show for it.
In elementary school, I was a relatively normal kid; I had good grades, I smiled, I enjoyed life. I enjoyed social events and places like the park, or school, or family gathering– with what little there were. Later though, in middle school, I slowly started forming an anxiety problem. I was scared to talk in front of class, or share my opinion in groups of classmates. I rarely spoke unless spoken to. That is, unless those people were Marc or Carly. I became recluse and removed myself from society. In the 7th grade, I met a girl. She was kind, perfect. She had a bright smile, a pretty face, a soft voice and a calming demeanor that would make anyone feel safe. At first I didn't like her, no it was far closer to a companionship, or friendly relationship than anything… but… that changed. Her name was Carly, and she was everything to me. She lifted my mood, and it didn't matter if everyone else hated me, because as long as she still liked me, I could still keep going. I ignored friends, I ignored teachers, I even ended up ignoring my best friend, Marc, but it was for naught. I ended up with a much different fate than I sought after. I will never forget when I was with Carly on that refracting lake with moonlight shimmering off of the water onto her hair making her glow white like an angel… I'll never forget that night because–
My thoughts are interrupted by the loud blaring noise of my phone's ringtone. A short stabbing beep that repeats over and over drilling the ears of anyone who hears it until they decide to finally answer. I look at the contact photo, a blurry picture of a guy in a baseball cap doing a silly face with a drawn on mustache, and read the contact name, "Marc". I look at my phone for another few seconds before finally sighing and reaching for my phone. As I pick up the phone and hold it to my ear, taking a breath and yawning before parting my lips to speak.
"Uhm... Hello? Marc?"
"Goooood morning' birthday boy. How old are you again? 70? 85?" Marc says as he snickers to himself.
"17… what do you want, Marc." I retort while sounding audibly upset..
"Sorry," He chuckles, from the sound of his voice, I can tell he has a stupid grin spread across. "Seriously though, Happy birthday. Here's to another 17. Big year isn't it."
I groan, and begrudgingly respond, "Thanks, also, what's big about 17 other than the stress of the incoming year? There's nothing that special about turning 17?"
"Seriously… you cannot be this stupid!" He says on the phone, peaking the microphone, demolishing my eardrums in the process. I glanced at the clock: 10:03 am. I wonder why Marc decided to get up this early today just to call me. He's late to school almost every day and yet he somehow finds time to make a birthday call? I hear Marc clear his throat and then continue, "This is the last year to be a child, after this you're just another adult, at least by age. So, since I have a gift for you, can you give me a gift and promise that this year you will live a little, even if it's just going to a party and drunkenly meeting someone or doing something you can't take back. These are all things every teenager our age has done except you. Also… look out your window."
I flash-stepped to my window almost instantaneously and opened the curtains. As I peered down into my driveway, Marc was parked in the drive, with the engine running, in a shiny red convertible looking up to my window with a grin on his face.
"You ready for a ride?"
"Uhm.. sure, just give me a few minutes."
I hang up and walk toward my closet, grabbing a few articles of clothing, including layers, despite the summer heat. Though he didn't say anything, I have a feeling he has something planned– and it probably has something to do with that party nonsense he was speaking of. I sure hope he didn't bribe some poor girl to hit on me or something…man that would make me feel lousy. I really do admire Marc for that sort of thing though. If he wanted to he could pull off anything, even getting me a girlfriend. I've known Marco for over a decade now, back when we were little boys, before we even had memories. As far back as I can remember, he's always been there. Though we have grown apart a little bit, we are still each other's best friends. Marc is a nice guy, Semi-Athletic, around 5'7", charismatic, confrontational, and outgoing–– in other words, everything I'm not. I'm tall, a bit over 6 foot, reserved, anti–social, and a potato when it comes to anything involving a ball. In no world should we be best friends, it just doesn't follow the laws of nature. But we are and we always have been.
I grab all of my necessities and I start walking toward my door. I grab the handle and almost slam it behind me. On the other side, I see my mother, a middle aged woman with a warm smile and highlighted hair. Despite her age of almost 50, she looks far from it. She walks toward me with her arms out, "Good morning sleeping beauty." She says as she wraps her arms around me like an anaconda.
"C-can't b-breathe…."
She smiles, loosening her grip and letting go eventually. I smile at her, "Thanks for the birthday wish." I slowly start to descend the stairs after using the bathroom and brushing my teeth.
Behind me and up the stairs I hear my mother call out to me, "Come back here."
I step back up the stairs and attempt to ask her what she wants but before she can she kisses my cheek and tries to run away but at her age it isn't the fastest movement imaginable.
"Mom! Jeez…I'm almost an adult now! Can you not do something so embarrassing without asking?"
"Oh, calm down. No one saw so there's no reason to be embarrassed that your parent still care."
As she says that my head pans the room and I look down the stairs to see Marc leaning on the bannister. I slowly turned red, realizing he had seen the whole thing.
"Are you ready yet?" Marc smiles at me with a grin that I can tell is holding back laughter. It's the same stupid look I imagined when I heard him on the phone.
"Whatever…I'm on my way out, Mom, I'll see you when I get home."
"Hey! Don't forget," My Mom chimes in.
"Don't forget what?" I snap back, visually upset.
"I love you" She says with an endearing motherly look.
"Yeah whatever, I'll see you later Mom." I run away blushing.
In the driveway I ask, "So what's up Marc, Why'd you want to hang out today?" I look at the outfit he has on and I can definitely tell he has not been home for long. At least not for long, because I don't think he changed his pants considering there's a stain on his shorts. I'm tempted to tell him, but I feel it's best I leave it for him to discover.
"What are you asking 'why' for?! It's your damn birthday man, don't tell me you forgot! I just told you a minute ago!" He gives me a hard pat on the back and chuckles a bit with a wide smile. "Now get in the car we're going somewhere"
"You didn't tell me shit!"
"I-I didn't? Well, whatever… just get in the damn car." He mantles over the open roof and hops in the car unlocking the door for me to get in.
As I step into his car, I smell a distinct car air freshener scent, the one they use in car dealerships right before you get a new car. I don't know why that stood out to me so much, I mean, his car had always smelled like this, but today, it was sort of refreshing. So, I took a deep breath in and clicked my seat belt. I turned over toward Marc as he started up his engine and asked the question to seal my fate.
"So where are we going?"