11:23 PM
Once again, I find myself lying between them. This is how we've spent much of our time during this endless loop. However, the spiritual difference between now and other times is stark. Our bodies may be close, but our minds are far from synchronized in the usual romantic harmony.
The act itself was devoid of emotion. What was supposed to be the physical representation of our love became something silent, mechanical, dull, monochromatic, and without contrast. I could no longer see their eyes shining in color; the sky blue and vibrant red had vanished entirely from their irises. It's as if we were nothing more than empty shells.
I hope we never have to endure such a disheartening experience again.
Still, I believe everything is in order. We've done enough to ensure they are ready for our escape on the last day of this iteration.
Overall, this time is certainly not the first time we've made a connection of this nature. However, we always resorted to suicide by gunshot to avoid a slow and painful death being torn apart by Death's blade. Then, their bodies returned to their original state after jumping back to the past.
It's ironic to think that if we had ignored the pain and made it a habit to attempt to escape through the front gate, we might have ended this long ago.
On one hand, I'm grateful it didn't happen because these endless years were an irreplaceable time I spent with them. On the other, it would have been far better not to have to make such a decision. If this tragedy had occurred naturally, I believe it would have been a much lighter burden for us to carry from now on. Unfortunately, I will have to carry the weight of actively choosing this path.
...
Tonight, I can't sleep. I simply watch my two beloveds rest. Even in their sleep, their faces express melancholy. For my selfish decisions, I will have a price to pay—I will have to support them for the rest of my life. And I will do so gladly; it's the least I can do for subjecting them to such a sacrilege.
Although I am indirectly affected, their connection to the sin remains much deeper. After all, their link to the sacrifices is direct, both physically and spiritually.
Ailiss opens her eyes and simply stares at the ceiling.
The silence around us is almost absolute. Everything flows as if the world is on the verge of disappearing. The lie of this world becomes increasingly evident.
I don't think she wants to hear any words of comfort. At this moment, the only thing she likely desires is oblivion itself. However, ignorance is a gift no longer within our reach. A shadow will pursue us until the day we die.
Would it have been better to have them cross over without telling them about my discovery? Perhaps it would have made things easier for me for now. However, I'm sure they would eventually understand precisely what they had lost. Not to mention that it would have spat in the face of my promise to be completely honest with them.
A few minutes later, Mikoto awakens, and realizing that we are all awake, she decides to comment on the situation in a somber tone.
"I always imagined that if a day like this came, it would be under entirely different circumstances."
"I could say the same. If there were a solution, I thought we'd find it and celebrate with hope," I reply.
"That is not what I meant. I thought I could offer love and care, just as my mother did for me on that dreadful night," she rubs her hand over her own stomach.
I understand. I misinterpreted her remark.
"As for me, I never even considered it. My profession would never allow it, and I still can't see myself in such a role. I think I'd perform terribly," Ailiss replies, rubbing her eyes.
This might be a good opportunity to shift their focus to another subject. Perhaps it's not the most sensible method, but it could distract them somehow.
"In my position, I think I share Ailiss's self-criticism. If we were in the external world and I received the news, I don't think I'd even know how to react. I believe I wouldn't have the maturity necessary to take on that responsibility. Perhaps I'd start by seeking financial stability to provide comfort and become a good provider, but in domestic matters, I think I'd be a disaster," I comment.
"Ultimately, I think I would have to compensate for your lack of competence. But imagining our lives that way does not seem so bad. Clearly, it would take us some time to get the hang of it; we would suffer a bit at first. But with each passing year, we would see that our efforts were worth it," she pauses. "They would be the symbol of the love we have built for so long."
"I can already picture Mistkerl's terrified face upon receiving the news. It would be quite funny," Ailiss produces a bitter smile. "I'd probably also be in shock. It would drastically change my life, and I'd need a lot of your help in the first few months, Mikoto."
"Your case would indeed be complicated. If you were alone, you would probably turn the house into a military training base," she smiles. "However, the two of us together would certainly provide them with a good education."
I don't know if we'll have another opportunity to talk so candidly and sincerely. So, this is a moment I want to cherish and keep in my memories.
"As for food, unfortunately, it would still fall entirely on you. We've seen what happens when you try to pass that task on to us," I respond to Mikoto.
Ailiss nudges me lightly with her elbow.
"So, basically, I'd be working full-time. You'd take care of the household tasks, and Ailiss might work part-time outside?" I continue.
"I think so. Since I lacked my parents' presence in my childhood, I would want to do the opposite. So, I would not mind staying at home because I would want to give them all the attention they needed. However, you would need to dedicate at least one day a week to them, or they would miss you. The father figure is definitely important."
"As misanthropic as I am, I think I could take them to the zoo or something on Sundays. I can already imagine the stress of losing sight of them."
"Disastrous as you are, they would certainly hide and make a fool of you in a situation like that," Mikoto replies with a gentle smile.
"If they take after their mothers… I wouldn't doubt it. Tormenting me has always been your greatest amusement."
"In that sense, I believe I'd also dedicate one day a week to teaching them self-defense, like martial arts, fencing, and marksmanship," Ailiss adds.
"Isn't that a bit much? They wouldn't need to follow the same career as you," I reply.
"I'm referring to possible fights at school. They'd need military training to defend themselves."
Martial arts, fine… but in what normal situation would they need to know marksmanship? Besides, what school in the world would allow students to carry a gun in their backpacks?
"All indications are that they'd be well-behaved in your presence. Just think of the fear they'd have of upsetting you."
"Indeed… we would be quite an unusual family, though it is amusing just to imagine the true chaos our lives could become. We would have our hands full taking care of so many children," Mikoto comments.
"So many children? I imagined having at most one child with each of you. How many were you planning on having?"
"Good question…" she lifts her face thoughtfully. "I think I would like to have at least five children. And to be fair to Ailiss, she would have the same amount, totaling ten of your children," she turns to me and asks, "What do you think?"
Ten?! Just thinking about it scares me. One screaming child is already irritating enough—imagine an army of them.
"At least? Isn't that too many? I thought someone as organized as you would have more prudence in family planning."
"Of course, I think about it, but seeing you desperate as so many children demand your attention would be really funny. Funny enough to make me set aside my usual caution," she laughs. "It is a scene I would definitely like to see."
"Honestly, you don't need to worry about being fair to me. But now that you've brought it up, I think I'd want to collaborate with you," Ailiss adds.
I see. So, ultimately, what you both want is to laugh at my expense? I should be used to this by now.
But I confess it wouldn't be so bad… If I close my eyes, I can almost hear the sounds of them running around the house and tormenting me.
This would definitely be stressful, given that I don't have much affinity for noise, energy, or vitality. Just imagining it already makes me feel the accumulated fatigue of a long day's work compounded by the fact that they wouldn't let me rest when I got home. But it's a fatigue that would be worth it because, looking a bit further ahead, Mikoto and Ailiss would be there with me.
We'd be together like now, day after day, year after year. The difference is that we wouldn't be frozen in time anymore. On one hand, we'd have to subject ourselves to aging, but at the same time, we could see the fruits of our love flourishing.
"Well, it's not as if we couldn't pursue a future like that," I comment. "At first, nothing stops us."
"We don't have the right," Ailiss retorts curtly.
Then Mikoto lets out a sigh and continues.
"Do you really think, after what we are about to do, we should even consider having the right to have more children?"
"You're absolutely right…"
If it were so easy for us to recover, this wouldn't be a judgment to begin with. They wouldn't let us live a peaceful life so easily. This moment was meticulously calculated to haunt us forever.
I hold both their hands and apologize once more.
I swear I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want your futures to be stolen like this. But unfortunately, these fantasies will remain only in our imaginations.
Day 7
8:00 PM
We wait until the time limit approaches for better preparation. Then, exhausted, we walk one last time through the school grounds, saying goodbye to the life we've led here.
It's time to free ourselves from this eternal prison, yet the feeling of liberation is the last thing on my mind. I feel increasingly trapped in my own sins.
I gaze around and remember our times playing in the snow and engaging in childish games. These are truly unforgettable memories. In these endless repetitions, besides experiencing hell on Earth, I also had the opportunity to rebuild my childhood and live the youthful love that I might have otherwise missed during high school.
Ironically, this place housed both the worst and the best moments of my existence. And now, after what feels like an eternity, everything will be left behind.
What is this strange feeling? I've definitely felt something like this before, but it's been so long that my body has forgotten.
Is it fear of the future? Uncertainty? Yes, in a world of repetitions, for better or worse, there was one certainty: the world would restart. There was nothing to worry about because everything would reset to zero regardless of the outcome. But from now on, we move toward a future, the unknown, with no guarantees it will be better.
On this silent night, the snowstorm becomes gentler, and the wind stops blowing. This leaves only the sound of our footsteps echoing through the deserted corridors.
After one last look at the snow-covered school courtyard, we head to our final destination: the main gate.
We leave our last footprints in this eternity.
"I still cannot believe we are actually doing this…" Mikoto murmurs, staring at the horizon.
"What other choice do we have? Either we do this, or we're consumed by decay," Ailiss replies.
Snowflakes fall slowly in the darkness of the night. Only the faint illumination of the school introduces us to the enemy just ahead.
Death, now materialized, waits patiently for the deadline to collect its offerings. However, as we approach, I sense something different about it. It likely knows the atrocity we came to commit.
Yes, it always knew our intentions.
It has no eyes, only two black voids in its face. Yet, it clearly focuses its gaze on the two girls before it.
In this disturbing silence, the only sound I hear is their altered breathing. Clearly, they haven't come to terms with this outcome. Even though their rational minds yielded to my proposal, their instincts fight against it at all costs.
The snow seems to fall even more slowly. I can't tell if this is an effect of Death's presence or my own altered perception of time.
Ultimately, I found a way to save them, but it cost me bringing them into the same colorless world I once inhabited.
This makes me think I was wrong all along. Having them by my side never meant they saved me. Instead, I condemned them to the same sentence as mine.
"Mikoto, Ailiss. It's time; we don't have much left," I say.
They look at me with melancholy and nod.
Will they succeed? I don't want to think about postponing this any longer…
"We can try in the next repetition if you feel unprepared," I add.
"It has to be now," Ailiss responds.
"I do not think I can make this decision again," Mikoto says.
I share her sentiment. I never want to go through this again. I feel filthy from head to toe for the actions I took and forced them to take.
They hold hands, fingers fully intertwined, and take a first step.
They walk slowly toward the gate.
"Forgive me," Mikoto murmurs.
Ailiss merely clenches her fist tightly and walks with her head down beside Mikoto.
With each step they take toward Death, the agony in my heart deepens. I feel as though my chest might split open at any moment. The longer their trail of footprints grows, the tighter the knot in my throat becomes, leaving me barely able to breathe.
This is so frustrating…
This time, I cannot dirty my hands with blood on their behalf. I had to leave the most painful role entirely up to them. I feel so powerless for being unable to ease this burden in any way.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Putting them in this position is the last thing I could ever want. How I tried… how I wish I could simply die instead of seeing them go through this. But it's not possible, and these infernal repetitions have taught me that in the worst way.
In a peak of anxiety, I see them finally step beyond the school's perimeter.
It's time; now it's all or nothing. Our last hope rests on this final move.
I notice Death moving differently, stopping in front of them. I believe it's inspecting the offerings we brought.
Moments later, it stretches its arm and slashes with its scythe at their abdomens.
Thus, Mikoto and Ailiss are able to quit the game by paying the price of a life—the lives of our future children.
Both immediately collapse onto the snow-covered ground, and I run toward them as Death gradually disappears.
Damn it, I should have imagined that somehow this would harm them. I need to help them immediately!
As I approach, the entire scene around me begins to destabilize. It's as if the very space is cracking like glass. The fractures stretch across the horizon and extend into the sky. The silence is replaced by the intense sound of shattering glass.
While the supernatural reality collapses, I keep running toward them. This short distance I should cover in an instant seems endlessly long. Their trail of footprints appears infinite. Still, I continue running toward what seems like a mirage—the city lights.
It worked. For better or worse, my plan succeeded. Well, this ending has been reserved for us for an eternity. So, I don't know if it can be interpreted as a victory.
This vision closely resembles what I glimpsed of the game's creation through my dreams. This entire artificially created supernatural reality is dismantling piece by piece. Internal and external time gradually synchronize, concluding the transition from one reality to another.
At last, we've reached our long-awaited "freedom."