Day 1
10:27 AM
...
The repetitions have already surpassed hundreds.
I confess that this experience has been far less torturous compared to the first time, precisely because I wasn't alone until now.
As controversial as my statement might be, the same friends I tirelessly and mercilessly killed served as moral support for me and for each other. These supports, however, didn't last forever. Some broke and became perverted along the way.
Still, I am the last person who can complain about any actions they took. Nothing they did comes close to the atrocities I committed and would still be willing to commit. I remain rotten, filthy with sin, left only to hide this sludge for their own sake.
After Keiko's death, the other four didn't last long before departing. The degeneration soon reached their vital organs. Thus, only Manabu, Miyu, Mikoto, Ailiss, and I remain.
With the number of survivors so reduced, the student council no longer has any role to fulfill, and so our only responsibility is to ensure our own survival.
In other words, our routine has essentially become preparing meals and tediously waiting for this reality to restart. This is the prison to which we are subjected—a life sentence.
Waiting and waiting, time after time.
...
I walk through the schoolyard but see no one around me. A fierce snowstorm has invaded the school, severely impairing my visibility.
Even amidst the biting wind cutting through my blazer and dissipating my body heat, I continue my search.
"Mikoto?! Ailiss?! Where are you?!"
Am I alone?
I can't find them, nor do I see Manabu or Miyu anywhere. What is happening?
No! This can't be! Don't leave me alone!
A desperate anguish grips my chest, and I begin running, struggling not to lose my balance due to the fierce gusts and the thick layer of snow where my feet sink.
Panting, I search the school from end to end, but I see no one.
Finally, I stop running and lower my head, pausing to catch my breath. Then, as I raise my gaze again, I see a silhouette obscured by the snowstorm in front of the main building.
It's not Ailiss or Mikoto, as the figure doesn't have long hair like theirs. Then it must be Miyu or Manabu.
"Hey, where were you?!" I approach and confirm by their stature that it's neither of them.
The boy slowly turns his head, revealing his identity.
"Shou?! You're alive?!"
He finishes turning around and presents himself with a large wound on his chest.
"Johann, why did you kill me?"
Well, I didn't want to kill him. But it was necessary.
"Johann," I hear a call behind me.
I turn abruptly and find four bloodied figures standing under the snowstorm.
Haruki, Keiko, Natsuki, and... Takashi?!
"You survived, too?!" I widen my eyes.
"Johann."
"Johann."
"Johann."
I hear my name resounding from various directions.
As I look around, all my classmates, all those I killed in cold blood during my endless attempts, walk slowly toward me.
"Why did you kill us? Why did you kill us? Why did you kill us?" Their voices overlap as they approach me.
I... I didn't want to.
One step at a time, they walk toward me.
"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" Their voices echo in my mind.
I clutch my head with my hands, curling up in despair.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
In shock, I wake up, sitting upright and gasping for breath.
I look at the ceiling, glance around the room, and then rub my eyes.
I understand.
It was just another one of those dreams. They are becoming increasingly frequent.
...
"Another sleepless night, Jocchi?" Manabu asks, yawning.
"Yes. I had trouble sleeping, so I decided to keep watch," I reply.
Because of these strange dreams, it's becoming harder and harder for me to get a good night's rest.
"Why do you still bother? It's just us now. There's no need; no one will attack us during the night."
"I know, it's just habit. I can't help it. Besides, there was nothing else to do."
Moreover, I don't know how long those demons intend to keep us in this monotony. I wouldn't be surprised if a natural disaster hit the school at any moment.
"What do you mean, nothing? Honestly, Jocchi... so much wasted potential. Of all the students trapped here with us, you're by far in the best situation," he leans closer and whispers in my ear, "Haven't you ever thought about 'you know what'?"
It's unbelievable that he'd suggest something like that early in the morning. After so much confinement, I thought he'd be as worn out as I am.
I sigh and look at him.
"I think you hit your head and ended up taking Shou's place for making inappropriate comments," I reply.
Impulsively, I bring up this taboo. Manabu's humor quickly reverts to its true form, revealing his genuine weariness in his eyes.
Apparently, I misjudged him. He is indeed worn out, even more so after remembering how our ties with Shou were broken. Ultimately, I believe he was just trying to cheer me up with a joke. Unfortunately, picking up on such things was never my strong suit.
"I'm sorry, I spoke without thinking," I add.
"There's no need to apologize; it's the truth... we can't erase the fact that it happened. Shoucchi did what he did, and the past can't be changed. I still wonder if there was another way... if he could still be here with us."
I ask myself this same question many times. Was there something I could have changed? Or was this present always inevitable?
"I believe you and Miyu could have only delayed the problem. At some point, he would have demanded his desires be met, and then? Would you betray yourselves to satisfy a mere whim? Betray what you feel for each other?"
Manabu remains silent, moving to the window, and we share the same view.
The same sky, the same clouds, the same sunrise. This same environment remains frozen in time.
Miyu's arrival breaks the somber atmosphere.
"There you are, boys! I was looking for you everywhere. Kaichou and I are making breakfast! Do you have any specific requests?" Miyu asks with a smile.
"Ramen," Manabu replies.
"Eh?! For breakfast?! No way!"
"If I can't choose, Miyucchi, why did you even ask?!"
"Because I thought you'd pick something more balanced! We need to eat more fruits and vegetables to improve our health!"
"What's the point of worrying about that if, in three days, everything resets and we return to our physical bodies from the beginning of the week?"
Miyu pulls his ear.
"At least it's a way to learn good eating habits. You also need to exercise," she grumbles.
So diligent... you really put so much effort into hiding your emotions, Miyu.
I know you were listening to our conversation. Even so, you pretended you didn't hear and put on a false smile. You do everything you can for the well-being of others, don't you? Unfortunately, this kind of 'selfishness' is one of the more painful paths. It's something we share in a way.
"Hey, Johann-kun. What are you waiting for? Let's go. Otherwise, Yukihara-senpai will get annoyed with the delay, and Ailiss-san will get even angrier if breakfast is late."
"Yeah... that's pretty concerning," I follow them to the cafeteria.
...
Later that afternoon, Manabu comes to speak with me.
"Excuse me, am I interrupting something?" He carefully peeks into the student council room.
He's really changed his perception of relationships between boys and girls in real life after being trapped in this world. Did he honestly think we'd be doing something improper here?
"Of course not, come in," I reply as I press a stopwatch in each hand.
"What exactly are the two of you doing?" he asks, pointing to Ailiss and Mikoto.
The two of them are playing four board games at once: chess, checkers, shogi, and go.
"This is how we have been passing the time during these last iterations. With the end of the student council's responsibilities, this was the best way we found to occupy our minds," Mikoto explains as she makes a move.
"I thought you didn't like games, Jocchi," Manabu says.
"I don't. That's why I'm just timing their matches," I reply.
Now that I think about it, this is a somewhat 'miserable' occupation for me during this interim.
"By the way, do you need something?" I add.
They continue alternating moves on each board as I press the timers.
"Actually, I wanted to speak with you privately, but I see you're a bit busy helping them."
Speak with me? Could it have something to do with my mentioning Shou earlier today?
"You can go, Mistkerl," Ailiss says, placing a piece.
"We were planning to take a break to clear our heads anyway," Mikoto stretches.
I turn to Manabu, and he continues.
"Let's go to the terrace; there's something important I want to tell you."
What could it be? So sudden...
I follow him there, and upon opening the door, I see Miyu waiting for us at sunrise.
"Johann-kun, I'm glad you came," Miyu says as she sees us.
Is Miyu here, too? This setting doesn't give me a good feeling.
"So? What happened?"
"We need to talk... Manabu and I have made a decision and thought it was important to tell you before anything else."
"I'm all ears," I reply.
"The truth, Jocchi, is that I started coughing up blood a few iterations ago, just like what happened with Keiko and our classmates. The symptoms of decay are slowly appearing in my body."
I see. So, Manabu's time is coming to an end... I think he's lasted quite a while in the end. I'm not sure why he and Miyu have more resistance than most—perhaps because they possess a stronger will than anyone else here... people with a screw loose can prove to be incredibly resilient.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll help with whatever medical assistance you need."
"There's no need to worry about that. Since we've directly cared for the sick, we know how painful this process can be. So we've decided to anticipate our disappearance as a form of euthanasia," Miyu explains.
Strangely, I always thought Miyu would be the first to oppose this solution. Perhaps being in this situation has changed her mind. However, the way she expressed it makes me think she plans to commit this act alongside Manabu. She won't be able to cope with his departure?
"You too? Are you showing symptoms of decay?"
"Fortunately, no. But you know it's only a matter of time before it reaches me, right? So I decided to leave with Manabu-kun. It would be too difficult for me to overcome his death anyway."
"I understand your feelings. I think I'd do the same in your place, Miyu. As you've realized, we haven't made any significant progress all this time... perhaps this is the most sensible course of action."
"I never thought I'd say this, Jocchi, but I feel sad that you don't have the option to simply die like us. In this case, Miyucchi and I are blessed not to have been chosen as players," Manabu comments.
Being 'immortal' has always been a curse—I realized that when I discovered who my two opponents were. Fate loves to be ironic and place us before the worst possible decisions. But to call their situation a blessing? If they were truly blessed, they wouldn't have been trapped here to begin with.
"As long as I'm with those two, I think I can hold on a bit longer. Timing their matches isn't as tedious as it seems. Besides, if the number of repetitions is the same as when I was alone, then we're just at the beginning of this hell. Furthermore, after a few centuries, I believe we'll get used to it and won't even notice time passing."
"About that, here's some advice: try not to let them take too much advantage of you. Stand up for yourself a little," Miyu comments as she stops at the edge of the terrace.
"I think that's impossible. But I'm surprised to see you conspiring against your idol."
Manabu steps to her side, and then they both look at me for the last time.
"We're truly sorry, but the symptoms that appeared were merely an excuse. We've wanted to leave for quite some time. We simply can't endure staying in this world of repetitions anymore. In a world without a future, we don't feel alive; we feel trapped," Manabu says.
This truth was always written on their faces. I know how they felt, but unfortunately, I could do nothing to help them.
"It's good to hear how you truly feel," I reply.
"I guess this is where we say goodbye, Jocchi."
"Thank you for listening to us. We'll be going now," Miyu concludes.
Ultimately, I never had the honesty to tell them about the horrors I committed in my attempts to protect Ailiss and Mikoto. Honestly, I am a terrible friend, and because of this, I will carry that burden on my shoulders forever.
But the most rotten thing of all is this overwhelming apathy. After everything, the emptiness of my soul seems to have only grown. Not being able to feel frustration, sadness, or pain—not being able to feel anything at all in the face of the farewell of my closest friends. The loss of my human sensitivity... perhaps this is one of my punishments for all the blood I have spilled.
In the end, for the coldest of monsters, only the shadow of his sins will follow his steps to the abyss.
The two finally allow the traces of frustration to take over their faces. Then, they hold each other's hand and turn to face the horizon.
They prepare for a small leap, and with a jump, my two friends plunge from anguish toward freedom.
The freedom of nonexistence.