Day 6
6:41 PM
"How are you feeling, Jocchi? Are you feeling better?" Manabu asks.
"Almost great. I believe I'll be able to move around reasonably well by tomorrow."
"On the other hand… tomorrow is your last day. Is there no way out? I still can't accept this outcome," Miyu says, lowering her gaze somberly.
"Unfortunately, not in this reality, but I'll meet you again soon. I hope you'll be as kind to me as you were in this iteration."
"Of course we will! After all, we're your friends!" she replies with a vibrant look.
I sigh.
Yes… you are. You're better friends than I've ever been.
Two knocks on the infirmary door interrupt my memories of those terrible deeds.
"Our shift is over; it must be those two. Honestly, even though you're going to die, I'm really jealous of you, Johann. Having two such beautiful girls take care of you during your recovery is not something just anyone gets to experience," Shou jokes as the three of them head to the door.
They open the door.
"Oh, you're here already? We'll leave him in your care," Miyu says, closing the door behind her.
The two girls approach me, and as expected, Ailiss makes her unfriendly comments.
"I see you're still slacking off."
"Good evening to you, too," I reply.
"Mistkerl, I'm not very good with words for situations like this. But you're in this state mostly because of me," she pauses and looks away, "so I'm sorry."
Despite the hesitation, Ailiss is apologizing? Did I wake up in an alternate universe?
"It was not just you. I bear part of the responsibility, too. It was my shot that hit his leg," Mikoto adds.
"It's alright. I hold no grudges against either of you. It was my failure that caused that incident," I smile. "If I had handled the situation better, none of that would have happened."
"Now that you are awake, could you clarify a few things for us? You still owe us some explanations."
Do I? What exactly is left unresolved in our conversations?
"I think I've explained everything I know about the game and these repetitions. Is there something you're still unsure about?"
"I am not talking about that, but about our relationship… You mentioned that throughout the repetitions, you went through complicated situations. But what exactly led you to care so much about us? In other repetitions, were we not your adversaries?"
Is this bothering them? First Ailiss apologizing, and now this? It's strange to see them wanting to discuss something like this seriously.
"The truth is, I don't know. As I explained to you, my memories were only preserved in recent repetitions. I have vague recollections and emotions from situations I once believed came from parallel worlds. However, from what I can remember objectively, I've always been enchanted by you."
"Oh, really? You're quite indecisive, aren't you?" Ailiss laughs. "In all these repetitions, you couldn't even choose one of us to save?"
"I've never doubted my actions, as I've always been very clear about my goal. I chose you both."
Mikoto and Ailiss abandon their serious expressions and smile softly at me.
"In that case, you are not indecisive but rather greedy, so to speak."
Greedy? Maybe I am; I can't deny it.
"You must be pretty foolish to say that to someone who beat you up," Ailiss comments.
"If I weren't at least a bit masochistic, I'd never fall for two girls who constantly stomp on me physically and emotionally. I must be missing a screw somewhere, but honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way—I'm fine as I am."
"In any case, I think I understand this strangeness you described. Despite never having met you before, the first time I spoke to you, I felt a certain sense that I already knew you," Ailiss says.
Surprised by Ailiss's comment, Mikoto adds,
"It is not very different from my situation. I believe we exchanged a word or two in the past, but as soon as the game started, I began to see you in a new light. A kind of déjà vu, perhaps? I am not sure how to describe it."
So they're already quite aware of this oddity.
"That's exactly the feeling I've had all this time, even before being trapped in these repetitions. As time passed during the game, it became more confusing yet more evident," I reply.
"So that is how you discovered you needed to stop our conflict. Then we can attribute your connection to us to those feelings? It is frustrating to think it is all based on such vague memories. What exactly defines our relationship? Is it really something lost to time?" Mikoto asks.
"In what I'd call iteration zero, I mostly accessed these memories through dreams and visions that occurred randomly during the day. From what I know, I allied with you in countless worlds and with Ailiss in others, where I fell in love with each of you, respectively. Despite everything remaining hazy, I can still remember your remarkable smiles," I lower my face.
They both listen attentively to my account.
"And the pain. The immense pain of death. I know this might sound embarrassing," I scratch my head, "but of all the ways I've ended my life, none have been as painful as losing you."
"Truly melodramatic words worthy of a clichéd romance. But go on; we will survive this sappy confession," Mikoto comments, pressing her forehead.
"If you insist…" I sigh. "In all these hellish repetitions, I was willing to give up everything to save you, including taking dirty and despicable actions like spilling that sea of blood. It pains me to admit, but if it were necessary, I'd commit the same atrocities I already have and rot again for you. This makes my situation even worse."
"Well, this whole story is bizarre. Even if I cannot objectively remember anything you have described, I believe this feeling cannot be false. Definitely, in some instances beyond this reality we know, the three of us shared a powerful emotional bond," Mikoto says.
"It feels as if we've lived a life together… but let's stop here. All this cheesy talk is making me nauseous. I'm really not used to hearing this sort of thing. Besides, set aside your insecurities and don't hesitate to ask for our support again," Ailiss says.
"Yes, whenever you need us, we will be there. Restore our memories, and we will be your allies again," Mikoto gives a sly smile. "As hard as it may be to convince us to abandon our battle, it is inevitable that we will fall for you again, too."
I look into their eyes and smile inwardly.
"I can't guarantee we'll find a solution, but stop placing all this weight on your shoulders," Ailiss adds.
After enduring this hell, I can finally see their hearts clearly beneath this thick layer.
I'll never give up on saving them, so I ask you not to give up on me, either.
Day 7
7:30 PM
It's time for me to leave; the time limit for this iteration is running out.
I look at my three friends and two beloveds again, then turn to the weapon in my hands.
For me, I'll meet them again soon. Their memories will be erased—they won't remember any events from this timeline—but they'll be there. This isn't a farewell but a new beginning.
A new chance, where I intend to build a better relationship with them than before.
However, one doubt continues to haunt me… does this reality reset only from my perspective? Or will their lives continue from here, free from this game?
If so, this would be a farewell from their perspective. I don't consider myself so crucial as to bear such emotional weight, but their expressions say otherwise.
Shou, Manabu, and Miyu shouldn't feel so sad. After all, they don't know me as well as they think they do. In this brief iteration, they haven't seen the darkest, most deranged side of me hidden in my shadows and the footsteps of this eternal past.
"Is there really no other way, Johann-kun?" Miyu asks.
"This is how it must be. Don't see this as my end; it's a new beginning in my battle. Even though you won't remember this moment, we'll soon work together again to escape here."
"Even if you say so, it's hard to accept… I don't think I have the courage to watch. Even knowing in advance, this is too unfair," she says tearfully.
"I don't expect you to watch. Go rest. Soon, another version of you will be asking me about my well-being in the classroom."
"Shall we go, Miyucchi?" Manabu takes her hand and bids me farewell. "Good luck in your next attempts. Remember, no matter how many bad endings you encounter, if you save properly, the game might still lead you to an ideal route!"
Yes… perhaps comparing this to your games is a humorous way to look at it.
"That's right! Winning back these two beautiful, problematic girls isn't an easy task. So don't forget the advice of your master in love!" Shou says as he walks away.
"Thanks for the advice, and see you soon."
As the three leave, the two girls remain, determined to witness my departure.
"Don't you think it's counterproductive to start over from scratch every time?" Ailiss asks.
"Everything would be much easier if I could preserve your memories. However, with the experience I've gained in this repetition, I'm confident I'll find the right words and tone to convince you to cooperate with me more quickly."
"I cannot guarantee my new self will not be a problem for you. However, knowing myself, I think I can help you find an answer," Mikoto glances briefly at Ailiss. "In fact, both of us will."
"I tried to handle everything on my own for a long time, keeping you unaware of my problems because I believed it would cause you less suffering. I've realized the hard way that this won't lead to any answers. So I'll be counting on you more than ever. Maybe my next attempt will fail too—I'm feeling quite pessimistic about all this—but I'll gain experience, and with your support, I believe we'll make some progress," I smile.
"An idealistic speech, Mistkerl, but that definitely suits your personality," Ailiss replies.
"In a world where everything is lost and resets to zero so fluidly, there's nothing left to cling to except immutable concepts like my idealism and my love for you. Otherwise, I'll lose myself in insanity again… I don't want that to happen."
"That is where you are utterly wrong," Mikoto flicks my forehead. "Your feelings are not the only immutable things—ours are too. This world can erase our memories as many times as it needs, but the bond you have with Ailiss and me is imprinted on our souls. Even if you try to break it, as you have described doing in many timelines, it will never happen. Amnesia can seal and hide our emotions, but it will never erase them," she pauses and sighs. "This is because, regardless of the choices and methods you take, we will never stop loving you."
Mikoto? You've really caught me off guard.
"I'm not as good as her at expressing how I feel, but you can take Mikoto's words as mine, too. Besides, you can count on my support in every repetition and world you pass through because I'll never abandon my loyal subordinate," Ailiss adds, handing me her weapon.
I widen my eyes and stare silently at them for a few seconds. Then I close them and bow my head, overcome with emotion.
You… I couldn't be happier to have you two supporting me. Our relationship across all these worlds and timelines might initially seem cold, but it's strong enough to endure and remain intact in this hell.
I let out a small laugh and ask,
"Weren't you the ones who said we should stop saying such cheesy and sappy things?"
"Indeed, but this habit of yours seems contagious, so we will make an exception," Mikoto teases, winking.
This iteration has truly been revitalizing for me.
"Even if this experience and our future cooperation don't yield the results I hope for, I'm glad that, at least once, I could be honest with you both. At least once, I was able to express my emotions truthfully, without manipulation. I could openly say how much I love you—how much I love each of you."
I look at Ailiss's weapon in my hands.
Yes, if these repetitions ended in this iteration, I think I could leave more peacefully. Without carrying a mountain of corpses on my back. It might have been possible to save my beloveds in a way that would bring me peace.
The regret would never cease, as I'd still wish to spend more time with them, no matter how brief. Still, it would be a better ending.
I lift the weapon to my head, gaze at their faces one last time, and strengthen my resolve.
Mikoto, Ailiss. This conversation with you hasn't given me any clues about ending the game, but the scenario has completely changed. It's no longer just me fighting alone in the void. Deep down, I carry your feelings. You are the pillars supporting me in this battle, now and forever.
I pull the trigger.