I believe I've executed the plan with as many variations as a human could conceive, yet no new way of orchestrating my suicide comes to mind. I don't know what they expect me to do differently.
I tried ending the game without any deaths but my own, including saving the staff and teachers from leaving the school and having their existences erased before the game's announcement.
"You can't leave here under any circumstances! You'll die if you do! Everyone back off!" I threatened with a knife.
"He's lost it. He must have taken some drugs before coming to school. Call the police to stop him," the principal said.
"We have no phone signal, sir. Strangely, my cell phone isn't working either," the staff member replied.
"That's odd. Mine isn't working either. A problem with the tower, perhaps?"
"If you try to leave, Death will claim you! Listen to what I'm saying! No one can leave the school!" I continued, brandishing the knife.
A futile effort… no results. I believe those entities aren't concerned with lives; they probably couldn't care less.
Seeing that I achieved nothing by minimizing the number of victims, I went to the opposite extreme. Excluding Ailiss and Mikoto, I executed every living soul within the school.
For this, I used Ailiss's machine gun and my incendiary plan that had failed before.
"Get out of the way! There's a fire!"
They had nowhere to run. Upon leaving the block, they faced the roar of projectiles. The bullets tore through their bodies, piercing multiple targets at once.
Unsurprisingly, I repeatedly found myself in a sea of blood with no apparent result.
Now, after all these attempts, I lie on the courtyard ground, staring at the sky for answers.
What else can I do? I've done everything and failed to find a clue about ending these infernal repetitions. I feel trapped in a broken clock with no hope for the end of my sentence.
I close my eyes and concentrate a bit more.
I can think of something I haven't tried yet, but there's no indication it will work. Perhaps it's just a way for me to vent my anger against this game.
I walk toward the school's entrance, fixing my gaze on the clothes left behind by dematerialized staff members.
The possibility that they didn't die upon disappearing isn't zero. Nothing guarantees that those damned entities didn't lie about some rule when the game was announced.
Yes, since I'm going to die one way or another, I suppose it doesn't hurt to try.
I decide to cross the gate and face Death head-on.
I'll make it pay for all of this! For all the suffering it's caused us!
I step closer and see a dark mist forming into a humanoid figure.
So, this creature is clever; it had already deduced my intentions as I approached the exit.
With Death fully materialized, I gather momentum and charge toward the gate.
"Begone, you wretch!"
I leap toward it, aiming a solid punch at its exposed skull. However, the moment my body crosses the school gate, time freezes.
I find myself suspended in mid-air, unable to move a muscle. The clockwork stops turning; I hear no sound. Everything is motionless.
What's happening here? Am I going to be stuck like this?
Then, I notice Death begins moving its arm while the rest of the world remains frozen. I understand… in this case, it's impossible to defeat it or escape.
Without a chance to react, I'm struck down instantly.
The scythe that crosses my torso leaves no wound or evidence of a cut, but then I see my entire body disintegrating slowly. Like a corpse, I begin rotting alive, and my vision darkens.
The pain from this cut is indescribable. I've committed suicide in countless ways, and nothing was as agonizing as having my soul ripped apart.
Will my existence be erased this way?
...
No.
I failed again.
I try confronting it again, this time using the school bus, but the result is the same.
Along with the bus, I'm torn in half.
...
My body is gradually adapting to the heavy influx of information, so the nausea doesn't affect me as much anymore.
Please, just stop making me restart this damned game! Enough! I can't take this anymore! I just want to disappear!
...
I wait until the usual time when Ailiss hides her machine gun in the courtyard. Right after she leaves, I grab it and head with it exposed to the main block.
"Hey, man. What are you doing with that? It's a bit dangerous to walk around with something like that," a nervous boy asks, stepping back a few paces.
Without answering his question, I turn the gun's barrel toward him.
"No, please. Don't ki-."
Before he can finish his sentence, I fire three shots.
The sound echoes through the lobby, terrifying everyone nearby. The result is hundreds of students trying to leave the main block.
In the middle of the act, my mind remains blank. No thoughts or considerations about my actions manifest. I stay this way, in a form of autopilot, as my body continues to kill them.
"He's armed! Get out of the way, let me through!" a girl screams.
"I want to escape too!" another shouts.
In the chaos of this scramble for space during the escape, I ambush them individually.
I pull the trigger on the machine gun and start killing everyone in front of me recklessly.
The deafening screams and the sound of my shots fill the block.
I've failed to find any new information in these thousands of attempts. Subconsciously, I've resorted to venting my frustration this way.
I no longer devise any plans; I don't conserve my ammunition to kill everyone. I simply follow my irrational impulses, killing indiscriminately. This practice has become so ingrained in my mind that it serves as an escape from this reality itself.
"Help!"
"Please, don't kill me!"
"Someone stop him!"
I aim and pull the trigger.
I aim and pull the trigger.
Shot after shot.
I look around and see only dead bodies on the floor. A sea of red covers the school's ground from end to end.
I observe my body and notice my clothes are also soaked in blood. The only reaction I have upon seeing such an atrocity is a desperate laugh because, at this point, I have no idea what to do or what to follow.
I feel a sharp impact and drop the machine gun.
I look at my bloodied hand and realize it's been hit by a bullet.
The only one who could have done this... Ailiss?
I look to the side and see she's disarmed me. And in this distraction, a boy who had been lying on the ground stands up with a shard of glass in hand and charges at me.
I try to dodge, but with one of my hands injured, I can't react adequately, and he slashes my throat.
"Die, you maniac!" he shouts.
The glass is repeatedly stabbed into my flesh.
He stabs me.
He stabs me.
...
I'm dead. I died again. I have no more ideas... and no strength left to continue.
Day 1
10:27 AM
I'm so tired. I can no longer estimate how many thousands of times I've been forced into this. I don't have the mental capacity to keep going... the only thing I've come to long for is my own disappearance.
I want to vanish.
Why doesn't this damned rule apply to me? I've been reaped so many times, and yet... I still exist.
Ailiss, Mikoto. How long has it been since we had an honest conversation? Those precious memories seem to be overshadowed by the immensity of time. I feel as though my entire life has dissolved into this hell, but I fight with all my strength to at least preserve our memories together, something I absolutely cannot forget because it is my greatest treasure. It's the reason I've fought this far.
However, I feel completely lost. I no longer know what to say if asked to detail exactly why I need to save them. My body just moves on its own, and when I finally come to, I'm committing a massacre.
Gunshots, gunshots, and more gunshots. All I see before me is blood spurting everywhere and bodies falling to the ground, and I continue in this complete madness in the vain hope that this time things will work out. What exactly needs to work out, I don't even remember anymore; I just know I need to kill them for it to happen.
On the other hand, my energy has completely drained. Continuing to kill recklessly until I'm disarmed and eventually killed myself is wearing me out.
...
Enough. I can't take it anymore.
The moment I leap through time, I head to the cafeteria kitchen.
"Students aren't allowed in here! Hey, kid, are you listening to me?!" a staff member says.
I ignore all the warnings from the staff. I run toward the drawers and grab a very sharp knife.
"What are you doing?! Drop that knife! You could hurt yourself with it! Hand it over!" she insists, a bit frightened.
I stare at my own reflection in the knife's blade, observing my dark circles and lifeless eyes. It's not as though this knife is killing me in the end. This act is already devoid of meaning because, inside, I've been dead for a long time.
So, with it, I put an end to all of this—at least an end to THIS world.
I stab my neck, my stomach, and my chest. I stab. I stab. I cut. I cut. I cut.
Die! Die! Die!
I want to die...
...
I use the same approach for an indefinite amount of time. But the situation is getting worse. My body longs to die instantly when I come into the world.
Since I can't bear the feeling of being alive until I reach the kitchen to stab myself, the quickest reaction I can think of is simply throwing myself out the classroom window. However, the height of this floor isn't enough to die instantly.
In the classroom, I take a few steps back, gain momentum, and throw myself toward the window with the glass closed, falling into the courtyard covered in shards of glass.
"Johann-kun, what are you doing?!" Miyu screams. "Help! I need help!"
I look to the side and see a piece of glass of appropriate dimensions. My hand automatically moves toward it; I grab it and stab my throat.
I stab.
I stab.
I stab.
Day 1
10:27 AM
Measuring my time amidst so many repetitions has become an arduous and abstract task. My brain has reached a point where it has adopted autopilot in the most counter-instinctive task I could undertake.
I've been systematically committing suicide in the vain hope that it will be the last time. To my misfortune, it never is. And so, once again, I find myself in the classroom...
Apparently, I'm condemned to jump to another timeline indefinitely.
With consciousness regained, I come to one final conclusion about this game: There is no solution, at least not in the way I've been proceeding.
There's still one thing I haven't tried, and it's undoubtedly the hardest of all.
Remaining indifferent to this game, not using my memories to interfere with the final outcome, nor ending it with my suicide. This way, I must become a passive agent, just as I was in the other worlds.
Perhaps I'm being treated temporally like a virus, and my actions cause the entire system to rewind to the point where I began affecting it. Yes, it's a factually plausible possibility. This is the only initial difference in this reality compared to the others.
The only problem with all of this is the safety of Mikoto and Ailiss. Because this way, I'll end up leaving it in the hands of fate, which one of them will die in this hell. If I stop acting, their confrontation becomes inevitable. Even if, by some coincidence, I end up dying during the game, their disputes won't be resolved... bringing me back to the dilemma of my first attempt.
But come to think of it, this isn't much different from what I've been doing until recently. If time flowed naturally after all my suicides, and with that, a new conflict between the two arose, the result is obvious: another game would be conjured.
Which brings me to an unsettling question: How long have I been causing their deaths?
For all the time I stopped counting, for all the time I killed indiscriminately and systematically ended my life, for all the time I failed to consolidate an amicable relationship between them... everything clearly resulted in the death of one of them.
I've been indifferent to this for a more extended period than I could have imagined.
But why? I've managed to save them countless times, so why does the cycle persist in tormenting me?
Honestly, what does this world expect from me?
...
"The teacher disappeared too!"
I remain coldly expressionless at the game's announcement and the teacher's disappearance. What's the point of trying anything if, in the end, everything will restart?
I walk to a secluded spot in the courtyard while Mikoto gives her infamous speech and sit down.
...
Five days later, the game ends. Mikoto is indirectly killed by Ailiss.
So, is this one of the outcomes when I abstain? Just thinking about it is painful... I can't bear to see her body once again.
There wasn't even time to mourn the death of one of my beloveds before I'm back in the classroom, staring out the window again.
Eternity is a concept often linked to the divine and perfection. However, there is nothing but suffering surrounding this grim word.