Chapter 35
A Ghost Of A Lesson
Part 1
It was late Tuesday morning before I woke up after a bad night burning with high fever, Mom was indeed worried as she took my temperature saying it had come down a bit during the night, after having two more showers to help bring it down, but it didn't stay down, long enough to do any good. I was still burning up right before her eyes. She tried ice cold towels and several horrible teas and herbs that made me vomit twice as it racked my body in more pain
Nothing was working she had called Dad asking if we need to go to the hospital ending the phone call with tears. I couldn't keep down anything she gave me. Soup was about the only liquid that seemed to satisfy my stomach; She was running low on lotion and knew she needed to make some more before too long, having to wash it off every time Shane bathed me in the shower.
Her strength was almost wiped after long grueling day having to repeat instructions to Arthur, having to beat him twice for mouthing off. Leaving his chores undone; leaving Shawn or Shane to finish them before Dad came home. She would apologize over and over for trying to kill me. That the stress was getting to her only having so many hands. Hoping in a day or two I'd be well enough to help out. Kerry was having too prepare most of the meals so she could take care of me and her two younger boys with Jody's help. No matter what she tried, nothing worked except the cold showers.
It was that night I began questioning my faith as I sat at deaths doorstep on the seventh day of living in the Rothwell home. Jody had just spent the last hour reading to me so I could remain flat against the bed. And I was contemplating if perhaps all along God wasn't as silent as he appeared to be, but perhaps the problem was me not listening, While I laid there as helpless as a baby wanting my answers right away at the snap of the fingers. I missed Ma and Pa more than anything. Realizing perhaps it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself because I didn't get what I wanted.
What I should have been asking is what I needed most besides the Downings. Jeff told me if it is Gods plan to be with them he would do so, but I had to do my part to make it happen. We argued back and forth about that I had been through enough and felt I deserved to be happy for once in my life. I was needed here more, Jeff had hinted at it more than once, but I just wasn't willing to listen. I cried most of the time while I laid there in so much pain; begging for God to help me.
Jeff read a passage of scripture about Joab and his trials that made me think maybe God was waiting on me before he gave me the answers I have been asking for. So I laid there thinking about my life, trying to count my blessings and how I had suffered liked Joab; and in the end, he was richly blessed for his trials. It made me think that perhaps God was waiting for me to earn what I wanted most in the world.
The signs were becoming to be clear in my mind as I took a moment to look back at my past with a microscope, questioning if indeed he was providing the things I asked for. Even now as I write this and look back at each horrible event when I prayed, that God was listening and providing the answers. They may not have seemed like the answer but as I truly examine them. It gives me pause. I may have had the worst parents that person could have possibly of had. But I also had the best ones as well.
God's mercy had sent me to the Fry's needing guidance to determine what was right and what was wrong. I needed to learn that by staying the course that anything is possible. God must have known that I needed a friend that could be there when I needed someone I could talk to and give advice, but still, allow me to make my own decisions. Provide help when there was no one else I could trust or turn to like now. I think that is why he sent Jeff to me to be my companion in life.
God knew I needed something more to strengthen me or to shore me up for things that were about to come to pass and keep me on the path that would see me through. If it wasn't for Jeff I could have easily turned to drugs, and alcohol and other vices. The opportunity was there as my parents sold me to the Boars. If it wasn't for Jeff I could have been lying dead in a gutter with a needle in my arm.
Again I prayed that someone would love me instead of discarding me as my parents did, someone to give me values, guidance, and reasoning to become a better person than my father and my mother; someone to protect me against harm, someone to fight for me and my brother Aaron. In Gods eyes no one has to be perfect, religion was and should never be a factor to determine if they are good parents, all they needed is the capability to love, become role models. So he sent the Downing's and Aunt Margaret to me as they took me in and loved me as if I was of their own and my brother Aaron when we needed it the most.
He helped me to find friends that I could count on when times were hard; the Whitmore's, Doctor Hatfield, and Mr., Stringham and countless others. It humbles me to think that perhaps he was listening as I lay there on the brink of death, burning with a high fever and in so much pain that I didn't dare move. So it stands to reason that he would help me now, it was up to me to believe once more that God was truly with me and was listening. I needed the faith that somehow he would provide the counter agent against all the bad that I would see and experience in that home.
To say God is silent now, that I have examined the answers to my prayers would truly be a mistake, I still have Jeff by my side as he waits for me to finish my tasks and guide me home where I could feel loved and safe, but for now my task is to write my journey of my life to give hope to others like myself. To believe in the impossible for it can truly happen. God needed me, and I needed someone to mold me so I could face the hard times on my own.
Even though I hated the Rothwell's and would experience the worst nightmares any person or boy of fourteen could ever imagine. It was my turn to pay some of it back and I needed that push from Jeff to help me find the courage inside of me. God was indeed angry at this family misusing the blessing he had given them as he had given them me. For I would have never chosen to be here, for it seemed I was forced to give up a life of happiness, so others could. If the Rothwell's knew how I would have changed their life, change their very core principles and even bring all their dark secrets into the light. They would have never allowed me into their home. No, God had a plan and it began with me and Jeff.
Believe it or not, it was Shane that had part of the answer as he came into my room that night; When he knelled down in front of my bed taking my hand in his; asking if it was all right if he and his father gave me a priesthood blessing. The shock on his Dads face having not realized that was the first thing he should have done. Being a God-fearing man, not once did he not think to give a blessing for a sinful, stupid boy, that nobody wanted; nor had the right to have one.
He never once had he ever given one to Arthur, never once had he given one to any of the other boys he has taken in over the years. He be damned if he would waste one on an inmate in prison. It shook him deeply. I for one at that given time; didn't have any faith that putting consecrated salad oil on a person's head, would do anything but give me a nice complexion.
I am not saying I never had one before, in fact, I had several when I lived with the Fry's when Jeff and his father would give me one for when I was sick, had a big test at school or needed special guidance. I could never really be certain if it did a lot of good. But it did seem to make life a little easier. Even Mr. Steed gave me one from time to time. But I had my doubts that it would work this time. I asked Jeff what he thought, but he said it was my decision. So I said. "If you think it would work, I'll try anything."
Shane didn't wait for Dad to say he would, instead he ran out of the room to grab the oil and was back in a flash leaving his Dad speechless. At last, Dad agreed saying this would be as good as a place as any to hold my first family home evening, Dad passing assignments to everyone sitting on the edge of my bed. Having Shawn and Shane gather chairs from the kitchen and Kerry and Mom pick a church hymn. Within an hour I was dressed in my boxers so I wouldn't feel so exposed. Faced washed and hair combed.
Everyone took a seat around the bed in a semi-circle with scriptures and a flashlight sitting in their lap in case the power went out again. Waiting for Dad to begin and what he planned to do for tonight saying "God willing." And Mom gave the opening prayer and Kerry gave the opening song. I didn't know the words, so I laid there and listened.
Dad said. "Since we could not give our oral reports Sunday night nor able to feel the spirit in the home last night," as he narrowed his eyes at Arthur sitting on the floor with his knees pressed to his chest wearing his humility vest and torn jeans that had past seen better days. "I have decided we will do them tonight instead. To help bring the spirit back because right now Eric needs it more than anything;" I was surprised he didn't call me Earick.
Dad and Mom each gave their testimony while everyone else gave theirs on what they learned from the talks, Mom asked if she could read mine so I wouldn't have to sit up or move more than I had to. I said, "Providing you could read my writing?" Everyone laughed as Mom said she might need a little help now and then in few spots; sliding her chair next to me so we could do it together. Giving me my glasses so I could read along when she got stuck on a word or a paragraph.
Dad and everyone seemed shocked and wondered if I attended the same meeting. Having it so detailed with scriptures and references. That took a whole half hour to read. Mom was beaming with pride. Telling me she wanted to copy it and added to my journal. I informed her "I haven't had a journal in a very, very long time and the one I had, my parents burned." She told me by tomorrow morning I would have one. Then leaned down and kissed my cheek. Feeling my head and gave Dad a worried look.
Dad gave Shane the ok letting him put two drops of oil on my head rubbing it in real good and consecrated for the sick. Dad gave the blessing asking God to heal me and reduce the fever and the pain and other things then closed the prayer, said. "Now it was in Gods hands, but to help him along it would be best if we all pray as a family tonight right now right here. Then let Mom work her magic through God and his healing angels." Saying "faith alone will not help if we don't use the tools he has given us." It wasn't a complete circle and not everyone was on their knees if you counted me, as Mom and Dad took my one hand the only hand they could reach. It was the funniest prayer circle I have ever seen. But somehow I don't think God cared.
Mom decided I really needed another bath to cool me down again. Shane came to my rescue said he could manage it if Dad could help carry me to the shower; while he changed into swim trunks. He agreed to it, mostly because he didn't want a repeat of last Sunday night. Asked me if that was ok. I nodded blushing that it would be fine. Providing I could use the bathroom first. He laughed as long as I didn't pass out and having him to wipe my butt like the last time. For everyone but me thought it was funny. Even Arthur had a silly grin that flickered from hate to jealousy. It seemed I was the one being paid attention to, rather then him. I knew he and I are really going to have to have a serious talk and I prayed he was smart enough to listen.
Mom decided it might be best to change my sheets again seeing the blood seeping through my sheets, added. It would be a good idea to replace the plastic lining underneath as well, and feeling a little soaked from urine, sweat, and blood. Rather than having me sleep in it all night long. Asking Jody if she wouldn't mind while she and Kerry warm my dinner and brought in a tray so she could feed me. Then she could come and help put the lotion on. While she put the two little ones to bed noticing how late it had gotten.
I wanted to scream when Dad picked me up in his arms swiftly carried me to the bathroom as Shane entered from the other side with a clean two-gallon bucket. While Mom put down fresh towels from the dryer still warm and another pair of clean boxers for both me and Shane, unlike last time. Dad undressed me handing Mom my boxers already soaked with blood, sweat, and urine from the bed. I hated being treated like a small child helpless unable to take care of himself.
But all I could do is sit there on the toilet while they discussed if I should sleep in a pair or not until they could keep me cool enough having to bathe me so often. Or if Shane should bring up a sleeping bag and sleep in my room so he could keep an eye on me throughout the night and bathe me again if they needed to. Shane said "Whatever it takes. If Eric had to sleep in the shower he would too" But Dad would have to deal with Arthur in the morning before he went to work.
Mom sighed saying "Shawn could do it."
Dad said. "No, he's not ready for that kind of responsibility." As if Arthur and I were a small puppy.
It seemed while they argued who or what they were going to do. That they had forgotten I was even in the room. Until I fell against Dads back legs almost passing out from being so hot and dizzy, did they notice me. Dad said sorry helping me clean myself up and lifted me into the shower and turning it on while I sat in the corner leaning on my left shoulder and far enough that my back wasn't touching the wall. The water felt good as I closed my eyes letting it beat down my chest and legs feeling the heat leaving me.
I decided it didn't matter what they did as long as I could feel the cool water against my skin. Mom heard my stomach growl as it echoed near her ending the discussion saying. "Shane will sleep in Eric's room and Jody and I will handle Arthur. He may not like it but that's tough, everyone's got to learn to do their share because it will be harder to do it when I get closer to my term, and with school starting around the corner. Kerry and Shawn can take care of Jared and Jason and help with breakfast. It's going to be a long day for everyone anyway without Eric being unable to help, so an early start would benefit all of us. You, Robert, you have enough on your plate as it is. Its time we delegated more responsibility to the others." As if saying that was that and left the room.
Dad grumbled about it telling Shane. "She is right; I have been too soft on everyone else but you, and thank you for it― Son, when we get a moment. You and I will discuss how we can delegate more responsibilities to your brother Shawn. I don't know why they keep sending us boys that don't have a brain in their head and just as lazy as Arthur. The last one was a nightmare having to babysit him day and night so he wouldn't run off. I swear I'll kill him when we find him. He didn't even last six months before he took off. This time I am going to come home with some―" Dad stopped in mid-sentence. Noticing as I was still in the room saying. "Call me when you are done with Earick," leaving the room closing the door.
It was a little better, but still uncomfortable having Shane bathe me, I for one was glad that he had worn swim trunks then to worry about our naked bodies touching one another. It also felt good having a bucket of cool water go down my back even if it did sting or I didn't have to stand on wobbly legs and feet. Shane let me do most of the work where I could reach without having to twist or stretch and I could wash my private area, but I felt embarrassed as he watched me do it. Telling me that Arthur forgets, so he has to take a long toilet brash to his. Saying he won't touch another man's business. (However, that was a lie, but I hadn't learned that, until much later, in fact, I learned other things that I wasn't aware of taking place behind closed doors, regarding the Rothwell's true way of life, it was truly an eye opener you don't want to miss.)
Changing the subject seeing how it made us both uncomfortable. Telling me he was impressed with my oral report, proving to him I am not another dumb stupid animal. He won't treat me like one, as long as I do what I am told, he told me. "What Dad doesn't know he doesn't need to know; providing you can keep your mouth shut what goes on around here?"
I nodded that I would, then asked. "So why is the basement locked from the outside? and why Mom doesn't like to go down there?"
Shane stopped in midstream holding the bucket. Telling me I really don't want to find out. I asked Jeff before, but he said the same thing.
Mom opened the door to ask if we were nearly done so she could get ready to feed me, asking if tomato soup and grilled cheese would be alright considering how late it was. I said it would be fine. Telling Shane to leave his trunks hanging over the shower to dry and Shawn had brought up his sleeping bag and pillow. So there was no need to go back downstairs. Dad has already "taken care of" Arthur for the night.