Chapter 23
A New Beginning
To tell the truth is a hard thing to do when someone dies for real. Sometimes it is used to clear the way for a new character or end one's journey. Like my series of fiction where Doctor Hatfield doesn't die instead, he becomes something more. But this is real life, so no fiction is told. I would like to think that he lives on in all of us for he has truly touched many hearts here in Santaquin as we drive by his office here on Main Street, seeing another Doctor's name splashed on the window. Yet the fight to keep me and my brother Aaron safe doesn't end with him; even though my parents may wish for it. No, someone else must take up the fight and strap on the gear to fight the monsters that think they have the right to abuse children.
He was a good friend and one of the best Doctors I will have ever known. His laugh was infectious. His smile always warmed you. I still miss him even today as I think of all the sacrifices, he's made for all of us, not expecting a single reward for any of it. The world will truly miss him as we say goodbye to him as he rests beneath the earth next to his wife and next to his three children, but life goes on. The bad and the good, whether we want it to.
* * *
The World is Silent
By Eric J. Shepherd
The world is silent as it is hushed by the wind. shadow darkness lingers as it moans at our loss. spirits walk softly as they embrace our loved ones.
The is silent as Rain falls gently as it would carry our cries and sorrows as it gently washes them along the way. Sun shines to warm our sadden souls. Birds sing their joyous wonders as they spread their cheer and lighten our hearts, pushing our sadness away.
The world is silent as it is hushed by the wind carrying our sorrows away.
In dedication to
Doctor Hatfield and Aunty M
As they depart into the hereafter.
Later on, my brother Aaron When he died at fifty because of Covid in 2021
* * * * *
It was a sad time for us as we reflected on one's life as we miss and grieve for our newly departed. Knowing deep inside each of us, their journey has just begun. A rose for sadness and a rose for gladness as we wish them well and say goodbye until we meet again.
The world seemed empty and wrong, even more so as I dreaded going home for the weekend; it frightened me more than monsters under the bed or hiding in the closet. To me, my parents were the monsters that frighted me the most. While we waited for social services to come to pick me up, Jeff's agitation grew as he paced back and forth in my room. Ma and Pa were beside themselves as they worried about my welfare; yet trying to stay positive and strong for my sake.
Sometimes I would hear my Ma crying as Pa held her in his arms; other times I would hug them both tightly, telling them I would be fine and how much I truly loved them. Yet inside I was shaking with fear. I prayed, asking God why? Asking for protection, knowing he had yet to answer a single prayer as always, he was silent. Jeff would sit next to me trying to console me that if they killed me, he would always be with me no matter what, not very comforting coming from a ghost.
When the time came, a cloud of unhappiness settled over everyone. Ma came rushing down the porch, her steps hurried and the sack in her hand filled to the brim with sandwiches and my all-time favorite double chocolate chip cookies. In case hunger struck later on, the thought of my mother's cooking didn't bring any comfort. With a tearful hug, I clung to Ma and Pa, desperately clinging to them as social services forcibly pulled us apart. Once again, social services took me away from the family that truly loved me. My brothers and sisters waving while they chased me down the street until they couldn't see me anymore.
Every visit I would climb the stairs as if they were my gallows. My executioners waited inside; their angry eyes bent hard as steel as I was quickly ushered to my prison cell. Hearing social services giving warnings about my care; my father growled as my mother quickly said. "Don't mind him… now that my son is home things can return back to normal."
I shivered inside at the mere thought of what "normal" was? Seeing Aaron in worn out secondhand clothes. Not even a hobo would use to blow his nose with. He had lost weight again since the last time I had seen him. He would quickly cling to me as I hugged him tight, letting him cry softly against me while I stroked his stub short hair. I cursed softly, knowing my parents must have bought another set of hair clippers; wondering if I found them that I could smash them like I had done the others.
It hadn't been two hours before grandma knocked on the door with her overnight bag. I felt a sudden relief seeing her standing in the doorway looking proud as a peacock showing off his feathers. My mother growled with surprised rage. "What the hell are you doing here?" My sisters squealed with delight as they rushed quickly to her, pushing each other out of the way to be the first one to greet her.
Grandma quickly hugged them with a quick kiss and closed the door, sitting her bags down on the couch then striding quickly over to me and my brother. "Keeping a promise," she said. My mother was angry as I watched her jaw tighten. My father stood there like a statue, his eyes fixed on the door and her.
Grandma quickly tisked at my brother regarding the state he was in. Her fingers rubbing the thin material as it tore a new hole in his shirt, looking down to the large holes at the knees. She tried to laugh as my brother wiggled his bare toe in both his socks and seeing his bare ankles sticking out the other side; it was a surprise that my father even allowed that much. It was a strict rule for us boys to wear shoes at all times, given his disdain for us going barefoot. However, Susan, Becky, and my mother were the only ones who didn't have to follow this, although my sisters weren't too keen on it either. With smudges of dirt and remnants of jam, his face looked unkempt. She frowned at how short his hair was and tisked seeing how skinny he was lifting his shirt over his head and tossing it into the garbage along with his socks right where they belonged, saying. "It looks like I have arrived at the neck of time seeing the state are in." My parents growled about how they didn't allow that in the home.
My father's actions left me stunned as he plunged his hand into the garbage, retrieving my brother's shirt and forcefully reapplying it to him. Meanwhile, my grandmother snatched it away once more, tearing it apart with a swift motion and tossing it back into the bin. The scorching heat of over a hundred degrees was unbearable. It was so hot outside that no boy in their right mind would even consider wearing anything other than a pair of shorts.
My mother tried to say that I had just arrived, and these were Aaron's play clothes. Grandma gasped at the word "play clothes" quickly went down the hall, opening our closet and dresser finding more of the same. Asking where are his good clothes were, the new sneakers she had bought him two months ago? Throwing the secondhand rags onto the floor; knowing exactly where they went.
My father, coming in soon after, growled angrily, saying they were doing their best trying to keep them all in clothes. Hoping to sell the lie. While grandma looked for a simple mark that Ma and she put in both mine and his clothing. Not finding it, tossing each article of clothing into the trash, including the pants and his boxers he was currently wearing. The fact he was standing completely naked in front of us only angered my parents more so than my father.
Yet, my grandmother, Aaron, and I were unfazed by it. No one knew us better than she did, for she had explored every nook and cranny of our existence. The same held true for my Downing brothers. Seeing him in his current state, Grandma's fury rose like a tidal wave, his gaunt appearance and ghostly complexion only adding fuel to the fire. She grew even angrier when she turned towards my sister's room as they show her all their new dresses and dolls. They had just gotten just for being good.
There was nothing new in Aaron's room about new toys or clothing as I hugged him tight, whispering that everything would be all right. Knowing deep down it would never be all right, but I had to be strong for him. Grandma was on a rampage, looking through cabinets and the fridge and freezer for food. Finding very little of anything, as my mother said we were planning on going out tonight and do some shopping tomorrow. My father gasped in surprise, noting it was news to him, but didn't dare contradict her, and not with his mother breathing down his neck. Saying she is more than welcome to come.
Grandma's eyes drilled new holes, stating she would, and that she had planned to stay the weekend if he wouldn't mind setting the cot up in the girl's room. My parents were beyond shocked trying to plaster a fake smile on their face, for none of them were thrilled. After two hours, she bathed and dressed Aaron in the best secondhand rags she could find which was only a pair of shorts, and since it was the only clothing, he had left, watching grandma finger the holes in his sneakers that were two sizes too big, confirming what my parents had done with my brother's new clothes.
The home visit went by without coming to blows or new bruises, yet there was plenty of yelling and screaming. Least not forget cuss words I have never heard my grandmother ever say when it came to dealing with my parents. I, for one was grateful for my grandmother making sure my parents didn't kill me or lay one hand on me. Plus, knowing I was returning to the Downings and all the love that awaited me there. I felt bad that Aaron had to live in that house of horrors. Hoping against hope that I could save him as I prayed each night for his protection; I questioned why I still prayed as I sat with Jeff, knowing he was leaving me for a time, but knowing he would watch over me and my brother.
I questioned what I was doing wrong that God would refuse to answer my prayers? For he always remained silent. I felt no calmness, no burning inside, no thoughts that weren't mine; and I certainly have seen no angels standing to protect me. I'll I could feel was the deep coldness and sadness that surrounded me and the anger that radiated from my parents and sisters. I felt no love, but the hatred was so deep it seemed to paralyze me in place. It was a contrast between living here with the Downings and living with my parents and sisters.
Every time a home visit came up Grandma or Aunt Margaret would trade places, making sure my parents didn't lay a finger on me keeping a promise to me and the Downings. My mother complained to her shrink and DDS about this promise, saying how can they bond with their son? If he is always within reach of either my grandmother or my Aunt Margaret? Stating that there should be rules and guidelines against it. Aunty M knew the laws and rules better than anyone; could quote them like scripture. There was nothing my parents could do about it, for there were no rules at the time stating a family member could not come or stay during a home visit.
Of course, my mother was furious about it. My father would make himself scares, either working late or leaving early to avoid them altogether. My mother had a very hard time trading my brother's clothes and toys for secondhand ones before getting caught red-handed coming out of the store with a fist full of new crisp bills from trading in the clothing. Having to return back inside and reclaim them and giving back a quick pay-day while Aunty M watched tapping her foot scowling, saying words I am sure a sailor would blush. It was a long while before my mother tried that again. The hair clippers seemed to have gone missing as I watched grandma quickly placed the end of the cord into her purse.
My mother tearing the place apart looking for them; Grandma stating she has made an appointment for me and my brother for much needed haircut. My mother growled, slamming cabinet doors and drawers closed in anger. They never allowed her to touch my brother's hair again. After Grandma bought a year's worth of haircuts from a friend at the beauty parlor that does her hair once a month or for any special occasion; renews it year after year.
I would have never made it through the home visits without Aunty M and Grandma always watching our back. But didn't stop the beatings after they had left, leaving Aaron completely helpless. He too began to have missing teeth more than most kids his age thanks to my father. I always felt guilty because my Downing parents loved me, while he experienced isolation without love and care. It would eat me a live most nights finding out days later that my parents lost their temper, and I wasn't there to protect him or take the beating for him.
When it came to the DDS and the State finding out, my parents were excellent about hiding it under a rug and putting on a fake smile. It just shows how diligent some people really care about a child's welfare. Even though it was a violation on their part according to the contract my mother signed, proving it was a whole different problem. Not to mention they never really go out of their way to dig for the truth. Most times, it was a slap on the wrist saying bad parents. Don't do it again and go on with their lives.
During the month of October, someone informed us that our new home was almost complete. It was the best news we had gotten in a very long time. Pa was dancing a jig in the wide-open space of Ma's new dining room, trying to find a way to surprise Ma. It wasn't a hard decision, mind you.
Pa and us boys have been working hard out in the barn, building her a new dining room table and chairs. Pa built it out of walnut and was roughly the scale or had the potential of becoming the scale as the one we used at the sheep ranch, but Pa wasn't about to tell her that. Some secrets or best kept under a tight lip, but Ma was always good about finding secrets. This table could easily seat twenty-five to thirty people and still have elbow room.
Even though we had very little furniture, it still seemed like home to us. Sure, the walls needed painting, and the windows were bare, and the house echoed loudly in our screams and footsteps as we ran up and down the stairs to slide down on the new banister. What more could we ask for? As we danced until we dropped staring up at the bare ceiling. It was home, our home as I looked across the room at Pa and my brothers as he tells us to go up and pick out our rooms. It was weird having to pick instead of having something already picked out for you, taking the first room off to the left and right across the hall from Will, with Robert right next to him.
We would share an enormous bathroom with three guests' rooms and a large nursery and playroom. On the main floor contained Ma and Pa's master bedroom, complete with walk-in closet and enormous bathroom for them to share. Turning right around the corner three more bedrooms and laundry room with another enormous bathroom. Ma's kitchen was double the size of her old one with a large island counter in the middle, complete with sink and stove; with another against the wall. Leaving space for a double refrigerator waiting to be unpacked and placed in its new home.
Pa built the cabinets out of red cherry, giving Ma lots of room for all her many new pots and pans and gadgets. Robert, Will and I built Ma a new cabinet to hold her new fine China while Pa built some smaller pieces besides the new dining table. Pa spared no expense about things for the house.
Instead of spending time and labor on things he couldn't make, Pa used the money where his family needed it the most. Plus, he sprung for central air that would keep us warm during the winter month and cool during the summer. It was the newest thing since sliced bread, according to Mr. Stringham, and would save money in the long run by not having to have an electric fan in every room.
Pa called Ma, telling her not to prepare dinner ordering ten large pizzas and several orders of our favorite breadsticks. Handing the money to Mr. Whitmore and his boys, and whispered in Mr. Whitmore's ear about two dozen long stem roses before they run out the door. Our job was to set the table with Ma's fine China for us and the Whitmore family; making a call to Aunt Mary and Aunt Lizzy asking them to bring each a salad and a dessert.
Within two hours, everything and everyone was ready to spring the surprise on Ma as he quickly went after the rest of our family. It was hard waiting as or tummies grumbled while the hot fresh pizza and breadsticks begged us to eat them. Ma and the rest of our family soon arrived as Pa placed a blindfold over Ma's eyes while my sisters carefully guided her into the house.
As soon as Pa took off the blindfold, handing her the two dozen roses… Ma gasped, placing her right hand over her mouth. She was speechless for about ten seconds. That's Ma. Before the tears started to flow seeing her new dining room table and chairs; her eyes roamed the room and until they fell on each one of us. Running over to give us each a hug and lots of kisses as we came up for air.
Pa calmly pulled out Ma's chair, sliding her neatly in place and taking his seat at the other end of the table. Placing the roses in a vase and set them on the table. It was cozy and warm as we watched the fire dance in the fireplace in the living room. Its shadows were rough and dark in a strange dance; two large chandeliers draped with clear glass crystals, as the lights radiated a warm glow.
Ma still wiping tears as she looked down the table at each of us and around the room. Pa standing to raise a toast to our new home as he welcomed each of us home, sitting down and taking a large bite of Pizza, adding salad and breadsticks to his plate. It was a long while before Ma could speak before getting choked up while she fingered the table, saying thank you over and over.
It was a hard thing to say goodbye to our home as we returned back to our borrowed home. Since all our belongings and beds were there, waiting for us. Plus, we had to wait until Mr. Stringham and his boys painted our rooms before we could actually use them; so, with a heavy sigh and one maybe two more nights as we snuggle deep inside our borrowed beds beneath or borrowed home. We dreamed of all the things good and wonderful that we can do in our new home.
The Downings have always been early risers, with chores to do like feeding the chickens and our new cows. Clementine and Rose and our other barnyard animals scattered far and wide. We boys took care of the ones here at our borrowed home, while Pa and Aunty M took care of the ones back at our farm. Ma and my sisters prepared breakfast as we boys took turns with our sisters, either in the kitchen helping Ma or doing chores outside. The work was fair, as we all did our part. That's what makes a farm run smoothly with lots of love and kindness. I looked forward to each new day as I gave my Pa and Ma a hug and tell them how much I truly loved them before going to school each day.
While we were in school, Ma completed the colors she had chosen for each room, Plus the color choices of our new bedrooms. I had chosen a light blue with rich green curtains for my room. Will had chosen a lime green with dark blue curtains. Robert couldn't decide and chose to mix our two colors together, having two walls one color and the other two another color adding white stripes along the wall. Mr. Stringham laughed; we all did. Yet, when we finished it, the room became the coolest ever. Ma found a large checkerboard pattern that seemed to fit the room's mood for his curtains.
It didn't take long for us to move, considering we didn't have much to begin with. Aunty M and Pa had decided to sell some cattle and sheep's wool and some of Ma's and Pa's working capital from the lumber mill and Mas cotton and fabric mill; reminding her that they still needed to close the deal in the near future. Perhaps after the baby is born, I will come back to that part of the story. So, I will quickly give the highlights of our trip to Salt Lake City, Utah.
Pa and Aunty M had many contacts to purchase orders about homemade furniture sales and newly required sales of items such as beef cattle, fabric and cotton, and wool. It was true enough to say that Pa was good at business from across the States. as I have said early on; we weren't rich. Yet, it was true that if he had to, Pa could have ordered everything by catalog or by phone since the internet hadn't been invented yet.
It would be at least another eight years for the World Wide Web. Computers were still in their DOS stage. People at the time commented that the government would only need to run five computers, but that statement later became a source of laughter, as it now takes several government buildings filled with computers to run our nation. It even surpassed the thought that each American home would have a computer in their home. Later, stating at least five or more would soon take their place and be common knowledge. This became known as the computer age.
So, while we waited for the finishing touches, we played hooky from school and left an extra day early to do some shopping for the home and also do some Christmas shopping while we visited one of the biggest cities near us, in other words, paint the town.
We invited the Whitmore family to join us as they have done so much for us, plus it just seemed wrong not to spend this time without our very close friends. It took four cars for all of us as Aunty M made a quick phone call to a car rental place in Provo, reserving our transportation as our parents quickly picked up the cars while our sisters each packed us a quick sack lunch to tide us over. Pa quickly packed our overnight bags into the cars with quick once over at our new home we were on our way.
(Again, cliff notes).
When we arrived, Aunty M insisted we stay at the Marriott Hotel, with its fancy décor and red carpet, that made you feel like we were royalty. With a quick swipe of her credit card, we lived in the style of the rich and famous. We did lots of fun things like riding the trolley and the younger boys Sam and Ted visited the zoo and the carousel with their Aunty M. The rest of us quickly devoted ourselves to buying pre-Christmas gifts with the money we had earned doing chores and working for Mr. Stringham after school and our allowance.
Ma wanted a large family picture to hang above the fireplace in the living room and a bunch of individual ones as well. Pa treated the ladies to a beauty treatment while he got all the boys' haircuts, so we all would look nice for the pictures.
We were lucky having Aunty M knowing so many friends, as we painted the town from one side and down the other. As we each had a new tux and sweaters for the younger boys and fancy ball gowns for the ladies. I tell you we looked smart. We had arrived just when Salt Lake City was holding their annual fall ball sponsored by the Marriott Hotel. It was a magical night as we arrived in horse and carriage; the lights glittering brightly in the trees as we rode down the street with the sound of clip-clop from the horses.
We danced the night away amongst our friends and family. Yes, it was like the world stopped as we danced and laughed the night away. We needed a distraction from life and all the bad things that had happened to us during the year. Yet it was soon time to go home, but even that was exciting while we waited for all our new furniture to arrive and the presents that we had wrapped with brown paper and string. We didn't mind sleeping on the floor in our newly painted rooms as we snuggled warmly in our sleeping bags. All that mattered was that we were home, and that was good enough for us.