Chapter 13-2
Cold Truths
Part 2
I had missed mutual which had caused Brother Niles and Bishop Lanwall to panic. Hearing them pound on the front door early Friday morning. Mom and Dad hurried to the door, while Shane and I were having a late breakfast. I could see the relief in their eyes seeing me at the table then paled seeing my ankles and arms wrapped in white bandages. Bishop Lanwall demanded to know what had happened or he was going call child services, forcing himself through the door and quickly rushing to my side. Dad said it wouldn't be necessary, that he and Mom had already visited with my caseworker and explained in long detail what had happened. My injuries were from severe sleep deprivation, causing panic attacks to happen more frequently.
Bishop Lanwall wasn't convinced until he had spoken to the Doctor himself at the hospital on our phone. Asking him if he was sure, his shoulders relaxed said that he would very much like to see the videotape to ease his mind. Dad had purchased a VCR so we could have something to watch late at night after one of my episodes. Warning Bishop Lanwall it won't be pretty while he put in a copy of the tape that I had already seen several times. Showing them what happens when I am dealing with a full-blown night-terror drugged and un-drugged.
It was like watching a caged animal climbing the walls of the hospital room having ten male nurses strap me down to the bed. While I tried several times to free myself, screaming at my parents and my brother's phantom ghost for several hours. Until they sedated me only to wake up and repeat the process. Bishop Lanwall had Dad shut it off after the third panic attack. He had already learned of the one at Brother Niles home trying to prevent the rumors. Dad explained what I had done to my arms and ankles, that I am never to be left alone at any given time during the night or day when I am supposed to be sleeping, sealed safely in my room.
Mom tried once again to excuse me from church because there was no way I could wear shoes or socks or a shirt. Bishop stopped her stating. "Mrs. Rothwell, how many times do I have to tell you God doesn't care? I will be expecting him to be there bright and early passing the sacrament with the other boys. He's not running a fever, and he's not sick unless he has a bad case of the flu. He will be there, or I will personally drive him myself and sit him on the stand next to me every Sunday, do I make myself clear?"
Mom knew better than to pick a fight with him, knowing she would lose and end up having all her boys and her husband attend church in nothing but their boxers. So she let it go saying I would be there. Mom didn't shake hands sealing the deal, but I knew she would keep it. Personally, I was praying she'd back out, and find some excuses just so I wouldn't look foolish, but the matter was closed.
Mom found me a dark blue suit coat that was light enough to put over my shoulders. Yet not wear it. Lacing a string that fits comfortably just below the neckline across my upper chest. So it would stay on without having to button it up and pin the sleeves to the side so they wouldn't flap empty. And a new pair of slacks that matched and cut and hemmed them to the knees so it wouldn't drag and have me trip when I walked barefoot in them and bunch up the bandages.
She didn't dare put a belt around my waist. Just the mere sight of one would cause an attack so we steered away from them. Telling me the suit coat was a better choice than wearing a Sherlock home overcoat and would stand out more, plus it would take time to sew me one. Time at the moment was not on our side with Sunday fast approaching.
Dad did ease up on Shawn slightly when it came to doing chores outside. Allowing him to wear boxers or shorts, but when it came to chores inside, he went without. Each day his sisters would bathe him with the course brush or Dad would. Shawn was more than angry at me and Arthur, but he didn't dare do anything but stare at us with them being so near me.
Not even Mom or Dad could be near me 24/7 or nothing around the house would ever get done. That's when he would strike growling near me telling me I would pay for what I had done, using the words "fag-it "or "mule boy" sometimes hitting me and knocking me down and trying to pin me to the floor. Only to have me bucking him off or Shane quickly throwing him off me. This only happened when Mom and Dad weren't home leaving Shane and Kerry to watch over us while Mom and Dad needed some alone time.
Like all brother and sisters, they always kept secrets from their parents to avoid getting in trouble, considering Shawn was in deep with them already, and we were really getting tired of seeing his naked butt doing chores, and that he really hadn't harmed me. We would all tell them the little white lie that everything was fine when it truly wasn't. With only three days to go before that part of the punishment would end. Shane and Kerry did warn him if he marked me, and they found out. They would all get even the next time Dad and Mom went out.
Sunday arrived having me went to bed early the following night after a warm relaxing bath and enough drugs to knock a sleeping tiger out like me. Shane and Dad had put us back into my room. Having Shawn locked in down in the basement in Arthur's old room. Sleeping on Arthur's old straw mattress placed on the dirt floor in the corner. Dad had planned to cover the floor in cement, but due to my four-day recent stay in the hospital, it didn't get done.
I had already had a panic attack standing in the open doorway of the basement, having to be quickly removed kicking and screaming to my room before it got beyond control, Dad had to sedate me with a needle sedative before I harmed myself more. It reminded me of the tranquilizing needle they would use on wild animals, gun included but could be used at close range. I was never aware of it being consumed by the attack. Mom and Dad mounted a metal case on the wall in each of the major rooms in the house, where they could get to it quickly.
There were only four keys Mom, Dad, Shane, and Kerry which they wore around their neck for quick access. Which required the child services to inspect it once a month and be notified anytime it became necessary to use it. When used, it would knock me out quickly but only lasted for an hour. It was strong and effective only causing a slight headache and dizziness that wore off soon after.
Mom was more nervous than I was that following Sunday after Bishop Lanwall met with me alone in his office inspecting my numerous wounds. Feeling confident that none of them were caused by the Rothwells.
Bishop Lanwall had a secret of many as we met each Sunday, he had arranged with my parents Bishop that I could talk with my brother over the phone. To assure me that Aaron was indeed alive and unharmed hoping to relieve me of some of my fears concerning him and still stay within the guidelines of no personal contact with the outside world. Without breaking the rules of complete and total confidence between bishops and the persons they are with. Not even my parents were allowed to know, by sneaking Aaron out of primary long enough to talk to me and return him without their knowledge.
Mom soon relaxed and seeing no one cared that I was a little indecent and shook hands with the other people in the ward. As if it was completely normal to see a fourteen-year-old boy padding barefoot through the church and wearing a small overcoat to keep the chill off my shoulders. Shane walked me down the aisle and sat me next to Ron smiling at him, because he too was barefoot with two of his buddies Stan and Charlie, who I had met at the pool and who would become my best friends over the next few months.
Shawn growled fag-it and mule boy to his friends, only to have Stan and Charlie laugh, making them madder by removing their shirts and putting their arms around me. The bishop smiled as if it was no big deal and proceeded to take his seat stopping long enough to speak with Brother Sakes since he was in charge of us and the sacrament and how it was passed.
Stan had blond wavy hair that curled at the top which made him noticeable because of his big ears earning him the name Dumbo or Chopper (short for a helicopter). Having Shawn and his pals tease him for them. Even though Stan was taller than Shawn and had broader shoulders than any of us standing four feet seven inches, weighing anywhere to one hundred and twenty pounds. His warm brown eyes and straight aristocratic nose held a firm jawline. Had a slight New England accent when he spoke caused them to make more fun of him.
We simply ignored him, but it was Brother Sakes that stopped it. Sitting right next to Shawn and his pals whispering in their ears, words I care not to repeat. I was then told that after the sacrament that I and my three friends were invited to sit up on the stand with the Bishop. Reaching over taking Stan' Charlie's and Ron's shirts and having me remove my suit coat and returned them to our parents behind us a few rows down and returned to sit behind Shawn and his pals to stop them from misbehaving like small children. I knew Shawn had just earned himself another beating or worse for his disruptive behavior.
Charlie was the opposite of Stan being smaller than both of us and teased a lot because of his size being barely four feet and not muscular but a little pudgy. Having yet to lose his baby fat and hadn't spent a lot of time in the sun. His skin was almost pale white, unlike like the rest of the boys over the summer. His face and shoulders are covered with small freckles. Shawn and his pals teased him with the name Little Sunflower because of his slightly pudgy belly and his freckles. His raven black hair and soft blue eyes and round curvature of his chin and button nose only added to their cruelty.
Over the months we became inseparable and known as partners in crime or the four musketeers. To Shawn and his pals, we were known as outcasts and freaks as they would ridicule us every time, they saw us together. Even though they earned the name fag-it, just for being associated with me, but that only made our friendship stronger.
Mom smiled at me, as and my partner as we passed the sacrament barefoot and shirtless like it was no big deal while the other boys, except for my three pals were the ones out of place folding my suit coat in her lap. Dad's face was angry when Shawn passed him to go to his section.
I breathed slowly closing my eyes for a brief moment as the person nudged me to bring me back out of my thoughts, as I picked up the tray and continued onto the next row. I had to believe that I had done nothing wrong, and that Dad wasn't mad at me. Repeating over the phrases "Tigers have seven stripes, Tigers have seven stripes." Taking deep breaths stopping a panic attack right there standing in the aisle.
Mom smiled at me as I took a seat next to the Bishop having him place his suit jacket over my shoulders while my new friends sat next to me. Mom and Dad smiled at me Mom scooted closer to Dad having everyone move over, Shane and Shawn slid in… Shawn took the outside closer to the aisle in hopes of avoiding Dads anger, but Dad made him trade places with Arthur and having Shane sit near the aisle with Arthur next to him.
I knew Dad was angry having me repeat my phrase over and over as I watched Dad firmly put his arms over Shawn's shoulders and leaned in and whispered in his ear. Shawn's eyes popped as I watched both of them tense, causing me to say the phrase just barely under a whisper closing my eyes tighter so I couldn't see Shawn and Dad.
I was so consumed by it I flinched, as the Bishop put his arms around me, asking me if I was alright. He took my hand, told me that I was ice cold and rubbed my hands and arms to get the circulation going. I whispered I was fine squeezing the coat around me as if was a warm blanket and proceeded to pay attention and began to take my notes for my oral report tonight.
I smiled trying to imagine Shawn standing in the buff giving his. After the sacrament meeting, Mom placed my coat over my shoulders as she watched my new best friends put on their shirts and left them unbuttoned, and came over to walk Shane and me too class. I introduced them to Mom finding them still barefoot. Mom smiled shaking their hands and introduced them to Dad.
Dad shook their hands noticing each of their bare feet and their unbuttoned shirt un-tucked, but didn't say a word as if it was completely normal, and shook hands and invited them and their parents to have supper with us tomorrow and invited them to family home evening so they could get to know them. Shawn gave them a hateful glare whispering under his breath "fag-it" just loud enough for Dad to hear. I waited for the monster to come out. But Dad played it cool and said Shawn had elected to join him and his mother for Sunday school and priesthood so he could have some "private time" with him.
I knew and feared what "private time" entailed. Mom told me to be good and sent me with my new friends and Shane entrusted me to his care. Placing her arm around Shawn and waved like we were one big happy family. Yet I knew we were anything but. I kept whispering my phrases to keep me calm and took my seat next to Shane and my three friends joined me. Brother Sakes smiled closing the door and removed his shoes at the door gave the lesson in stocking feet and removed his tie. Shane and the others did the same sliding them under their seats some added their socks as well making themselves comfortable.
After class was over, they carried their shoes or put them back on while we went to opening priesthood exercises having their fathers order them to put them back on and tuck their shirts in. While some just took their shoes adding their socks so they wouldn't get holes in them. Dad's face and Shawn's face were in shock as more and more started to join the trend of going barefoot in church.
That each week it continued it became nothing more than passing friends. Breaking into groups of boys that always came to church barefoot. Leaving their shoes at home and it was growing each week. While other boys like Shawn's friends became the outcasts and wouldn't even associate with the boys that decided to retaliate against the norm. It only made the group of his friends madder that we would be seen this way in church or at scouts and even at mutual.
Mom and Dad became less concerned and passed it off as nothing. Allowing Jared and Jason to join the other boys who elected to go barefoot, while Shawn distances himself more and more, watching his pals over the next few months join the dark side. It soon became known that our ward became known as the Huckleberry Ninth Ward and we were proud of that name, having tee-shirts with that across our chest and pictures of foot soles on the front and the back of the shirt and on our Basketball jersey and Baseball shirts. So people could wear them during the game.
The girl's Beehives (ages 12-13), Mia Maids (ages 14-15), and Laurels (ages 16- 17). Would sell these tee-shirts and game items with the logo on it during the games with their baked goods. To raise money for our activities. I am sure I mentioned that Dad insisted I join both teams regardless of whether I cared for sports or not. It just made Shawn madder because everyone started to go barefoot crazy when they came to our games, Dad, Mom, Shane, and my sisters wearing the tee-shirt, cheering my team on joining the crowd as they stumped and cheered barefoot, waving foam feet in the air every time we scored.
It seemed I had created a new trend by accident, even after I was completely healed. It would begin right before summer when the spring thaw was finally introduced to warmer weather and lasted until late fall. I seldom wore shoes and socks or would come home from school with my friends barefoot with our shirts over our shoulders and our shoes in our hands. Opening the front door smelling fresh cookies and fresh cold lemonade, Having my friends leave their shoes by the door and hang their shirts in the washroom to keep them clean and off the furniture.