I was seated at a low table facing the window reluctantly writing a letter.
I had been called to Matsumoto City to attend a meeting on local taxation, which I didn't feel like spending two days on. So I was composing a tasteful request to the daimyo to relieve me of this duty. Matsumoto City felt so far away, it felt like the end of the world now, with Hana here, and Yukiko expecting, and the peaceful tranquility of my compound.
I tried to write, but I kept getting distracted by the pleasant day outside.
Looking out the window, I caught a glimpse of two people near the house. A child was playing with her mother. The little girl laughed as she practiced hitting a colorful shuttlecock with a wooden paddle. Hagoita was a popular game among those Edo kids, a bit like a modern badminton.
I got up and leaned against the shutters, watching the two of them with a smile, until the woman noticed me and turned to bow – only then I realized that it was Kazuko.
I nodded, surprised to discover that she was the cheerful mother playing with the happy child.
Kazuko's daughter bowed as well and then resumed playing, while Kazuko approached my window with a little smile. She tilted her sun umbrella so that only I was able to see her face.
"It's a beautiful day, Taro-dono," she said, pausing right outside my window.
"Yes."
"You have to step outside to enjoy the gentle wind and gorgeous sunshine," she grinned. "It's a great exercise."
I nodded. "I'll try once I finish writing my letters."
"Writing letters…" she uttered. "It sounds quite tedious. Well, master, if you don't get enough exercise during daytime, I have a vigorous exercise prepared for you tonight." Her lips curved up and she playfully cocked her head. "According to Takumi, tonight is my turn."
"Ah," I said. This happy mother looked devilishly appetizing. "Then I'm looking forward to it."
She bowed and lowered her voice. "May I request the honor of your visit to my room? I was thinking we could share my toy with more freedom now."
"Indeed?"
"Yes," she giggled. "I've got a perfect mask for you to make sure you do as you please freely." She bowed. "I wish you to finish your writing soon, master."
Her slender bottom swayed seductively as she walked away… I glanced at her daughter, still batting the shuttlecock, and sat back down… Damn those letters…
Takumi surfaced, almost silently, brining me another cup of tea.
"Do you ever think about duality in life?" I asked him.
Takumi paused, looking somewhat puzzled. "A man must contemplate complexity of being," he replied cautiously. "Do you have a particular aspect in mind, master?"
I sighed. "A number of things. To start with, take Madam Kazuko," I said, pointing at the window. "She seems to be as tender and dotting a mother as one can imagine."
"She is indeed an exemplary mother," nodded Takumi.
"And yet – I'm not going to mince words, because you of all people know exactly how many times I've filled her cup – and yet, she is the dirtiest bitch between the sheets. Unbridled, lustful, and vicious." I looked at Takumi. "Isn't that a paradox?"
The chamberlain inclined his head, his brow furrowed in thought. "The true nature of another person Is an enigma, master. No wonder, there is an old saying: The heart of a person is unknowable."
"That I understand," I sighed. "But when we know there is both beautiful and filthy inside the same person… Can such things truly coexist? Can one be innocent and corrupt at the same time? Can the same person be partly pure and partly filthy? Or is beauty just a façade, and there is only darkness inside?"
Takumi gazed at me, patiently awaiting the end of my musings.
"Is it worth comparing a person's behavior in such important relationships as with their children with the times when he or she is only guided by desire?" he asked. "Are people meant to behave the same way in matters of heart and matters of flesh?"
I raised my index finger. "You speak the wisdom itself, my honorable Takumi!" I exclaimed. "I've been thinking about myself as well. At times, I want to surrender to my basest desires, the lowest of my instincts. Does it make me a terrible person?"
"No, master," Takumi interjected.
I nodded and continued. "If so, does it follow that one can possess equal parts of good and bad? Does that mean that I'm not a terrible person, after all?"
Takumi bowed. "You're not at all a terrible person, master."
"I'm weak… Always desiring more… But not a terrible person." I thought of what Kazuko said earlier. "Sometimes, it's as if I'm wearing a mask, engaging in a game. And then, when the mask is gone and the game is over, I'm back to who I truly am – a thoughtful master of the household, firm but fair, a dutiful husband, and a thinker."
I sighed deeply. Now it all made perfect sense. Like day and night, I was complex and variable, but ultimately good.
"Thank you for your helpful and impartial contribution, Takumi," I said. "You're not only my trusted chamberlain, but also quite a philosopher."
"You're too kind, master," he replied.
"What would you like as a reward for all your loyalty and wisdom? I feel like a generous recompense is in order!"
Takumi bowed deeply. "Master, our conversations are rewarding to me in their own right. I cherish your openness and trust in me."
"Fine," I said, shaking my head slightly, "if you don't want a material reward, I'll give you a spiritual one." I thought for a moment. "I'm appointing you Chief Philosopher of Matsuda Hall and will instruct Matsuo to enter your name in the official codex of this household, so that future generations may honor and revere you."
His eyes flickered. "Oh… master…" he bowed deeply again. "I'm speechless."
I smiled a satisfied smile. If Takumi was speechless, my mission in life was accomplished.
"Please send in Tsubasa," I instructed him. "I need to get ready for my evening…"
After washing and changing clothes, I was standing at Kazuko's door, eager and excited.
She slid it open and handed me a mask representing Kappa, a mythical water creature known for its playful and mischievous nature.
"Put this on, Kappa," she murmured, "and we're going to have lots of fun tonight."