Chapter 31: Side Story - Homunculus Live Delivery Review
The day after Ban and Dane set out to resolve the beastfolk's declaration of independence.
Levin and Jake were whiling away their time in the barracks, aimlessly rolling around.
In particular, Levin was deep in thought, holding a flyer that was stained and smudged with some sticky liquid and dirtied with dust.
"Jake, do you have money?"
"Why do you need money?"
"Should we try ordering this?"
Jake was checking the flyer Levin handed him.
"Homunculus, delivered within 24 hours, cheaper than shoes 'handmade homunculus'?"
"What do you think, not bad, right?"
"What would we use it for? If we need a supporter who uses magic..."
"No, not the expensive ones for that purpose."
Levin made a circle with his fingers and moved his index finger in and out, showing his intention through the gesture.
"For this purpose."
"Oh!"
"So, do you have money or not?"
At the moment, Levin was out of money.
He had spent all his money buying sulfur for a succubus summoning circle last time.
Moreover, the salary of a trainee knight was meager, and he had to buy separate rations for the female knights and external training, leaving him with only about 60 gold.
"I happen to have about a thousand gold. Let's use that."
'As expected, this guy has a lot of money...'
Unlike Levin, who joined the magic knight order because it was difficult to inherit anything from his family as a younger son of a viscount, Jake was the sole heir to a baronet's family and had lived a rather comfortable life.
Of course, during the trainee knight phase, they were just classmates, and crazy guys like Ban or Dane would curse and talk dirty no matter if their peers were nobles or not.
"It turns out there's a review here, if they really only charge 200 gold for a small size to save on material costs."
"I prefer the large size..."
"I like them big too. What's the use of a small one? Let's put some extra money into physical manufacturing. Maybe add... 300 gold?"
Following a note left by someone last time, Levin began placing the order.
"And it says to definitely include artificial intelligence. Those without it are said to be fit for zombies or skeletons, and that's included as a nasty comment here."
"Hmm..."
As Jake pondered seriously, Levin quietly added the artificial intelligence option.
Levin, unlike Jake, was not aroused by the sight of undead.
"Alright, the order form is complete. So, we just submit this through the mailbox outside the training center, right? And within 12 hours, a succubus will visit to collect the semen... wait, a succubus?"
At that moment, Levin smacked his forehead.
"If we could just call them like this, there was no need to smuggle sulfur and deal with the aftermath!"
"Exactly. It was a huge hassle... We just scooped it up and threw it under the wall, and it suddenly caught fire and blew a hole right through it..."
They were the ones who had blown a hole in the wall separating the female knight training center.
Since the leftover sulfur from the last succubus summoning had caused an explosion, Levin and Jake had fled the scene, unaware of what lay on the other side of the wall.
By now, the hole was sealed and any illusions about the female knights had long been shattered.
"So, she's coming tonight?"
Levin waited for the night with a pounding heart, full of anticipation.
"Levin, switch shifts with me. I'll take your shifts twice."
"Get lost!"
Levin had missed his chance to meet a succubus last time because of duty, and he wasn't going to miss it again.
After chasing away a classmate who wanted to swap the dawn shift, Levin washed until his penis swelled and then calmly went to sleep.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
The sound of his heart beating was loud enough to disturb Jake's sleep.
She arrived beyond the moonlight.
"Excuse me, I've come for the semen."
The succubus, who seemed familiar with Barrack 2, naturally knocked on the door and entered.
She arrived in an apron stained with side dishes and liquor, but for Levin, who was already highly excited, such minor flaws were no issue.
"Uh... uh... so, a succubus?"
"Yes. Are there two clients this time? Who filled out the contract?"
"It's me, me!!"
With bloodshot eyes, Levin raised his hand, and she took out a glass bottle from her waist and handed it to him.
"Normally, I'd do it myself, but I'm a bit busy tonight. Please do it yourself. I'll come to collect it after my shift in two hours."
"Eh?"
"Make sure to close the lid tightly."
The succubus said only what she needed to say and left, leaving Levin standing there dumbfounded, holding the glass bottle.
"Hahaha! Levin, look at your face!"
"Shut up!"
It was then that Levin began to express his anger.
"This service is a mess!"
"But there's nothing we can do. After all, what we applied for wasn't a succubus summoning but homunculus fabrication."
"Damn it!"
Still, as the anticipated night with a succubus disappeared, Levin started angrily masturbating, filling the glass bottle with semen mixed with pre-ejaculate and his sweat until it was dirty.
"You've had it tough."
The succubus returned two hours later and took the bottle of thick semen from Levin grumpily, and he continued to fume until late into the night before falling asleep.
The next day, after lunch, the two cautiously waited in the barracks for the delivery.
"Your parcel."
"Finally!"
Levin and Jake rushed out to receive the cargo as if they were flying.
"What is this?"
"Why is it so big...?"
It was big.
They had expected the homunculus, shaped like a human, to be delivered in a coffin-like container, but the problem was the size of the coffin.
The coffin was so large that Levin and Jake hesitated to open it, pausing to consider.
"Screw it!"
Bang!
Levin pried out the nails and opened the lid. Inside the coffin was...
"Gasp...!"
A beautiful woman with emerald hair lay restrained inside the coffin, seemingly asleep.
Her ample breasts and developed hips were noticeable, and the skin of the newly made homunculus was so soft it almost felt criminal to touch.
If there was a slight problem, it wasn't the typically voluptuous figure one might expect; some fat remained on her body, but a truly voluptuous figure usually results from a combination of exercise, diet, and genetics.
Just inserting genetic information and inflating her size without basic exercise meant fat could accumulate elsewhere.
Though called fat, it only enhanced the softness of her skin and was nearly charming enough to excite Levin even more.
While her appearance was more than satisfactory, there was one issue for Levin...
"Why is she so big...?"
The problem wasn't just the large breasts or hips.
She was quite large overall.
Levin was rather short for a knight, standing at about 168 cm, but the delivered homunculus was about a head taller than him.
"I asked for big, but not this big...?"
But typically, a woman's physique correlates with her height and weight, and the easiest way to enlarge the breasts is to increase the size of the body.
Moreover, the additional 300 gold used for rich materials resulted in her being made so large; perhaps it was a case of too much of a good thing.
"I can't put her on my bed..."
"Let's put her on Dane's bed."
Dane was the biggest among the classmates, so his bed was extra-large, and fortunately, they could comfortably place the large homunculus on it.
Gulp.
Watching the naked woman lying down, Levin realized he couldn't control his erection, and Jake also crossed his legs awkwardly, suggesting the homunculus was made to their taste.
"Lying here, she looks like Dane."
"You bastard...!"
Thinking of Dane suddenly killed Levin's erection, but he couldn't say anything harsh since Jake had paid for the homunculus.
Besides, Levin hadn't even given up his first use!
Such a slip of the tongue should be forgivable by a true knight.
"How do we turn this thing on?"
"Read the manual."
After reading the manual, Jake took out a small bead from the coffin and tried to push it into the homunculus's mouth.
"It's not going in well... hold the jaw."
"Wait, give it to me."
Levin put the bead in his mouth and then kissed the homunculus, pushing the bead into its closed mouth.
"Wow... this guy is really a pervert."
As Jake expressed his amazement, Levin enjoyed the sweet scent coming from the homunculus's lips, feeling the bead dissolve inside its mouth.
"..."
Until now, the homunculus had been no more than a breathing piece of meat, but with the installation of artificial intelligence, she began to function.
Life returned to her pale green eyes, and the homunculus, which had been just a doll of flesh and bones, sat up modestly in front of Levin and Jake and bowed her head.
"Hello, master, thank you for purchasing me. My artificial intelligence ID is AP-06S. Please command me."
"Ugh...!!"
Levin looked down at the homunculus with utmost satisfaction.
A sex doll made just for him had been created!
"Alright, what should we do first..."
There were many possibilities, but Levin first issued this command.
"Well, start by making me feel good with your hands."
"I do not understand. Please simplify the command."
"I mean... uh, masturbate me."
"Noise. Should I enter noise cancellation mode?"
"No, masturbation... I mean, give me a handjob!"
"Delivery. I will perform the delivery."
Artificial intelligence inherently involves enormous costs in manufacturing and replication.
Intelligence devices are extremely expensive because functional artificial intelligence is rare, and making them too human-like often leads to personality issues during the copying process.
But artificial intelligence copied for just 500 gold obviously wouldn't function properly.
"No, damn it! Grab my dick and rub it!"
Although Levin angrily commanded the homunculus by placing his penis in its hand, it mechanically moved its hand up and down, gradually diminishing Levin's arousal.
"Never mind, just suck it."
"Would you like to activate the laundry feature?"
"Suck it! Use your tongue to suck my dick!"
"I do not understand what 'dick' is. Would you like to search for it?"
Levin's face was so red with raised blood pressure it looked like it might burst, and Jake was on the floor, clutching his stomach from laughter.
"Forget it! Just spread your legs!"
Levin stopped the homunculus awkwardly, then after spreading her legs, he simply began to insert himself as he laid it on the bed.
"..."
But seeing her lying there unresponsive, Levin naturally felt his mood plummet.
Especially since the blood that should have been in his lower body was rushing to his head, nearly causing him to lose his erection.
"Damn it... at least make some moaning sounds!"
"Ah."
"Yes, like that... Try to cry cuter."
"Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah."
"Huh?"
Levin slowly began to feel a bad premonition.
And Levin's sad premonition was never wrong.
"Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Bah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah..."
Angry, Levin went through the procedure to deactivate the artificial intelligence in anticipation of a rebellion, pulling out the homunculus's AI.
"Hahaha! Ahahahaha!"
"Stop laughing, you bastard!"
After that incident, no trainee knight tried to order a homunculus delivery at the training center again.
* * *
"Have you seen such troublemakers!"
The alchemist was trembling with anger as he read the review that had arrived.
"I provide homunculi almost at cost, and what? 'Looks like a corpse, so 2 points'? 'AI is so stupid it infuriates me, 1 point'?"
"They enjoy it and then send a review like this? These kinds of people are killing our small businesses!"
Of course, there were various issues, but the alchemist couldn't understand them.
When the alchemist took off his hood, artificially made red eyes began to emit light.
"Can the review be deleted?"
"It is not possible without the direct permission from the one who writed it."
At the answer from the secretary homunculus, the alchemist frowned.
"Then bring him here. Let's bring him in under the guise of service... and try to persuade him properly."
Looking at the two negative reviews that had plagued his business, the alchemist pointed with his slender finger at one of them.
["Looks like a corpse, so 2 points, thanks to which I got hit by a colleague who misunderstood; oh, how thrilling."]
"Let's start with this one."
"Shall I send a letter, father?"
"In my current physical form..."
The alchemist revealed his face.
He resembled the secretary homunculus, but with a slightly more... 'new' face.
"Call me mother."
A Special Thank You!:
I want to extend my deepest gratitude to [julius jones], for supporting me on Patreon!