***
Chapter 5: :Ki ga motarasu chie
Wisdom provided by trees
***
If fate is a millstone, then we are the grist. There is nothing we can do. So I wish for strength. If I cannot protect them from the wheel, then give me a strong blade and enough strength to shatter fate.
Kurosaki Ichigo
***
Kakashi and Iruka had been in and out of one another's lives since the beginning.
Konohagakure was only so big, and the shinobi population, while impressive in size among the nations, was even smaller.
They hadn't always known it, but they'd never been that far from one another in the popular drinking game Six Degrees of Konoha.
Fugaku and Sakumo had gone to the Academy together, served on the Hanta together, and been good friends. The team from the mission Sakumo was famous for failing, had two Uchiha members and Umino Kohari on it. She'd kept the rest alive until Sakumo had returned, and all three had testified on his behalf in front of the disciplinary council.
Kakashi's team had rescued Iruka once when he'd been kidnapped as a child.
Kakashi and Iruka had passed within feet of one another the night of the Nine-Tails attack.
The Uminos had, unknowingly, shoved Kakashi out of the way of the one fox's great tails and saved his life not long before succumbing to their wounds.
During his early tenure in ANBU, Kakashi had fallen victim to several of Iruka's pranks and had even been the one to catch him and dump him in the Sandaime's office on occasion.
They'd been on several mission teams together, Kakashi in ANBU, Iruka as a Chūnin, a few times as Hanta, before The Mission that resulted in their first conversation and Iruka's choice to become a teacher.
They passed one another in the Hokage's Tower and in the street without realizing that Kakashi's apartment was only two blocks past Iruka's, where the neighborhood became nicer and was filled with single shinobi.
They had the same grocery store, the same weapons shop, the same dango stand.
Then, they had Team 7 in common.
But even orbiting around the three lights of their lives, their interactions were limited to nods of acknowledgment in the street and brief arguments in hallways that were always interrupted because it seemed like everyone knew to keep them apart.
Iruka was a bleeding heart, and Kakashi was made of stone dedicated to the village.
Kakashi had bloody hands and a gentle heart, and sometimes Iruka was convinced his had already rotted through.
They both knew loss intimately, and they'd both turned their eyes toward the future, towards Team 7.
They shared friends, Asuma before he died, Kurenai, Gai to the extent that he kept Iruka up to date on his former students over tea, and Anko, whom Kakashi has run more than a few missions with. The first class Iruka taught at the Academy had started to fill the Chūnin ranks; a few had already made Jounin, so Kakashi was starting to see them on missions.
They tended to deal with things the same way.
Iruka had buried his first student a week after Pain's invasion, then gotten blind drunk, and Kurenai and Anko had had to carry him home.
The night after Tsunade had declared Sasuke a missing-nin, Kakashi had gotten so drunk that only Bull standing on his stomach had made him throw up enough of the alcohol to survive.
He'd done the same thing the day they'd confirmed Obito was still alive. After that, Pakkun had broken all the bottles left in the apartment and warned Kakashi he'd do it to any more he brought back.
Kakashi hadn't drank since.
Iruka had stopped after the binge he'd indulged in after feeling Itachi's chakra completely disappear. Kotetsu and Yajirobi had let him have 24 hours and then made him promise never again.
For two men running such parallel lives, they remained surprisingly ignorant of one another for an impressive period of time.
It was ironic, then, that what finally sparked an honest interest in one another was a relatively mundane argument over a student in the Academy with no importance or personal connections to either; other than that, Iruka couldn't leave well enough alone, and Kakashi didn't like realizing he'd missed something.
Some long-forgotten deity's idea of a joke.
***
Present Day
: :Umino Iruka's Apartment, Konohagakure: :
Naruto could still remember the butterflies in his stomach the first day he'd actually spoken to Sasuke.
Weeks into their first year at the Academy.
He didn't remember the meetings the years before; too young for his mind and not gifted with the ability to memorize through a dojutsu.
Sasuke had seemed so aloof, so intense, so cool.
Turns out he was just a giant fucking nerd with a chip on his shoulder.
If someone had bothered telling Naruto that sooner, maybe things would have turned out differently.
They could have been friends all that time.
They could have helped one another carry their burdens. Sasuke could have helped Naruto keep up with the other students, and Naruto could have helped him find Itachi and the truth about the Uchiha.
Sasuke wouldn't have had to leave by himself and suffer all those years alone.
And Naruto wouldn't have been alone in a village full of people who only loved him when he was useful.
He had the other Rookies, of course, but they weren't Sasuke.
They weren't someone who knew exactly how Naruto had felt those first years alone and hungry.
Who understood what it was like to wonder why your family had left you before you were old enough to realize that it hadn't been by choice.
And then, to wonder why someone had hated them enough to take them away from children who couldn't even feed themselves.
They were the last of lines that went back to the founding of Konohagakure, but Naruto could admit, despite how much he loved the village, that it didn't seem like it had loved them back.
No matter how much they had given it.
And Naruto had dragged Sasuke back into the fire while the other boy had been unconscious.
He was as bad as the rest of them, giving Sasuke no choice in what happened to him.
If it hadn't been for Iruka-sensei, he had no doubt the Uchiha would have left by now.
Instead, they were stuck in Iruka's apartment while they healed and tried to figure out what to do next.
Sasuke had pointedly not said anything about how he'd ended up there, which was pretty much yelling for everyone else, and Naruto stubbornly refused to apologize until Sasuke promised not to hurt himself.
He still hadn't.
Naruto had escalated by hiding all his weapons.
Sasuke had found them while he was in the shower and hog-tied him in his sleep.
The closest they'd come to a civil conversation without Iruka or the rest of the Rookies to buffer them had been a brief question about whether or not either of them remembered where their arms had come from.
Neither of them did, and now the chilly silence was driving Naruto up the wall.
He'd tried picking a fight an hour ago and immediately been reminded that Sasuke had always been ahead of him in school.
The fucker.
Now the teme was sulking in bed, staring out the window because he refused to look at Naruto.
He had to know the guilt was eating Naruto alive.
Sasuke always had been vicious in a fight, some ingrained talent at sussing out his opponent's weaknesses.
It was practically cheating.
Well, Naruto could do that too, and he slipped into bed and latched onto him before Sasuke could escape.
"Naruto-"
"I'm sorry."
Sasuke was always painfully tense the first time someone touched him. Naruto hadn't realized there was anything weird about it until the first time Sakura had hugged him, and there'd been no awkward moment.
Iruka had once told him that Naruto had done the same thing the first time Iruka had hugged him.
Children should not be scared of hugs, he'd said, eyes dark and lost.
Iruka had hugged him for a long time after that conversation, and Naruto had never flinched from a hug again.
He'd just hug Sasuke until he got it.
Just like Iruka-sensei had hugged him.
Sasuke was too thin, they both were, according to Sakura, and she'd put them on a strict diet to gain weight.
Naruto could feel all his ribs as he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Sasuke's thankfully clean hair.
He smelled like orange blossoms and aster.
Iruka was buying fancy girl shampoo again, and Naruto snickered.
"Dobe-"
"Iruka buys girl's shampoo."
Silence.
Sasuke's shoulders shook, Naruto along with him..
It was stupid but stupid enough to be funny under the weight of everything else.
"Wonder if he and Sakura shop together?"
Sasuke stuck his face in the pillow as Naruto laughed.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I shouldn't have brought you back without asking."
"It's fine, idiot."
"It's not. I know you're not happy."
"I'm never happy, Naruto. The location doesn't matter."
Naruto's grip tightened as he felt Sasuke's fingers slip between his own.
"I'll make you happy."
"You can't make someone else happy, dobe."
"Well, then I'll give you something to be happy about so you can make yourself happy. I'll make someplace you'll be happy in. Just tell me where."
"There's nowhere. It's a lost cause."
"It's not. I'm not going to give up, Sasuke. You're too important."
"You don't need me."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you have the others. Iruka, Kakashi."
"You have them too. Kakashi-sensei will stop being stupid, eventually."
"He's going to be Hokage. He'll be honor-bound to cover it up, just like the others."
"Even Iruka-sensei doesn't believe that."
Which wasn't a hundred percent accurate, but that wasn't important now.
"He tried to kill me."
"To be fair, you tried to kill him."
"I tried to kill you. You never tried to kill me."
Which was true, in all their fights, only Sasuke had ever had killing intent. And if Naruto was willing to forgive that, then Sasuke could forgive Naruto for pushing him to come back.
"I'm not Kakashi-sensei. I never want to hurt you. He doesn't either, he just has responsibilities Shikimaru says."
"You will, too, eventually."
"And you'll be right next to me. Right?"
"It's too much."
"It's not. I'll help. Just like you'll help me. We can do it together."
"You're naive."
"You're bitter."
"What a match."
"We balance each other, I think."
"Maybe."
That was something promising, and Naruto grinned and nuzzled Sasuke's neck.
He smelled amazing.
Like the orange scones Iruka sometimes splurged on.
And now Naruto was thinking about food.
And now he was hungry.
"Dobe, did you just bite me?"
"…I'm hungry, Sasuke. Feed me."
When Hinata stuck her head in to check on them a few seconds later, she found Sasuke smothering Naruto with a pillow.
Satisfied all was right with the world, she left them to it.
***
We accept the love we think we deserve.
Stephen Chbosky
***
Present Day
: :Torture and Interrogation Main Office, ANBU: :
Kakashi sprawled out on the only battered couch with no bloodstains and pulled out the last volume of Icha Icha.
T&I had won the fight for possession of Asuma and the Hyuga after their injuries had been treated. Ibiki had allowed a handful to remain while his best interrogators and members of the Yamanaka clan dug into their minds and tried to find anything that might hint at where they'd come from.
Tsunade had tried sending the rest of them home to rest, but Kakashi and Kurenai had refused.
Hiashi was informing his clan elders and would likely be back within the hour. Tsunade had said she was going to grab sleep while she could, but Kakashi could pinpoint her chakra in the damaged Hokage's office.
Ibiki had put a gag order on everyone who'd been present, and Kakashi didn't know anyone stupid enough to try and break it.
The scarred interrogation expert wasn't known for being merciful.
Neither was Kakashi, and when he found whoever was responsible for this, they were never going to get the chance to try again.
One of Tsunade's assistants, number two or three, he thought, was making coffee. Sent by the Hokage to take Ibiki's report as soon as he finished. Kakashi vaguely thought his name started with a c? Maybe a k? He'd never bothered speaking to him when he worked the mission desk, but he'd seen him around with Umino on occasion.
And maybe at one of the weapons-focused training grounds?
He barely looked like he was awake as he fumbled with the coffee machine.
Kakashi was far more worried about Kurenai, who stood at the window, unseeing eyes turned towards the village.
It was the only window in the T&I complex.
She hadn't said a word since they'd disappeared with Asuma, but she'd made it clear she wasn't moving until they told her something.
Kakashi wished she would just go home. Spend time with her daughter and her family. She didn't need to be here to see this and whatever the outcome was.
"Kurenai," he didn't even get to finish before she turned a look on him that stopped Kakashi dead.
He'd never loved someone enough to look like that.
"Sorry." He didn't apologize often, and she knew it. After a moment, she relaxed and came to sit next to him on the couch.
"How are you, Kakashi?" She was just looking for a distraction, but it was still kind of her to ask.
Not many people asked Kakashi how he was anymore for any reason.
When was a legend anything but okay? But he couldn't quite bring himself to lie to her now and settled on something in between. "Still standing."
The weak smile she gave him in return made it clear she knew what he was doing, but she was kind enough to let it go.
"How is Sakura?"
"Thriving. Yours?"
"The same," there was a great deal of pride in her voice as she spoke about her students. Kiba and Shino had decided to try out for ANBU and had asked her to increase their training regimen. Hinata was worried about Naruto but had also been working with Sakura at the hospital to improve her skills as a healer. "They were all still mourning Neji. I'm not sure how the clan will handle this."
Kurenai knew more than most outsiders about the turmoil inside the Hyuga compound due to Hinata, but she'd always been careful not to speak out of turn.
Kakashi knew enough to be wary of what could be coming, but Hiashi had a strong hand and never let their problems spill out into the village.
But since Naruto had started talking about the Uchiha and his belief that there was more to their downfall than the Sandaime had ever said, whispers had started about similarities to the beginning of the end for the Uchiha and Tsunade had held a private meeting with Hiashi concerning that a few days ago.
No one had any intention of letting that tragedy happen again.
With Hiashi's youngest daughter still in the Academy, Umino probably knew something about it as well.
Which reminded him that Kurenai had worked at the Academy before she'd made Jounin.
"Did you ever work with Umino?"
She blinked, "Iruka?"
"Naruto's academy teacher."
She wasn't as good as Kakashi at hiding her feelings. Suspicion flickered across her face. "Why? You two have another fight?"
"Is that all people think we do?"
"Do you two do anything else?"
Which, point.
He gave a lazy shrug. "Just curious. No one else seems to pick fights as much as he does. Surprised he hasn't gotten into trouble."
"Iruka stands up for what he believes in."
She'd gotten defensive pretty quickly. "You seem close."
"Tread carefully."
Kakashi winced, "Not like that."
She relaxed a fraction. "He and Asuma were close, and we used to work together."
"He and Asuma?"
"They lived next door to each other when they were younger. Iruka used to play shogi with the Sandaime."
Kakashi tried to digest that. He knew Umino was supposed to have been close to Sarutobi Hiruzen. Suppose that made it possible for him to be close to Asuma. Had he lived in the Sarutobi compound before he'd started teaching? He was somewhat famous for being an orphan, but Kakashi had never heard of that clan taking anyone in.
Very few clans did; none were willing to risk their kekkei genkai or family jutsu being stolen.
No one in the shinobi world was very trusting.
"He was close with the Third?"
Kurenai shifted. Most people wouldn't have noticed, but Kakashi wasn't most people, and he'd been watching for it. "Yes."
So she wasn't lying outright, but there was definitely something she wasn't saying.
She seemed to sense that Kakashi wasn't going to drop it because her face softened into something almost like grief. "Relationships are complicated."
"Relationships with teachers always are," he agreed. So many blurred lines and difficult to find boundaries.
And so often, feelings left unresolved because of an unplanned death.
"All relationships are complicated, Kakashi." She murmured, something like sympathy crossing her face. "Because people are complicated. And crazy."
That made him smile, and he knew she could tell despite the mask.
"You know the Seven Years of Tribulation?"
"The pranks?"
"That was Iruka."
"Bullshit."
"Every last one of them. He lost his parents to the Nine-Tails. A lot of kids did. He had a hard time dealing with it."
"So he took it out on the village?"
"The village left him on the streets to starve."
"I thought the Third helped him?"
"Not enough."
"But something. More than others did."
"Kakashi, if the child is living by themselves with no one making sure they're not going to bed hungry, no one gets credit for helping them."
Fair point.
"I didn't realize it had been that bad."
"Did you know that there are no orphanages in Konoha?"
He hadn't.
People talked about the Sandaime's efforts to help the orphans created by the fox, but now that he thought back, he didn't remember the details beyond allowances and barracks for those old enough to become working shinobi.
And payouts to civilian families.
"Naruto was on the street, too. Before Iruka took him in. I'm surprised you never made the connection."
Ouch.
"I wasn't-"
"I'm sorry." She waved him silent. "None of it's your fault. You were a child yourself. It's just a painful subject."
"It's okay. It's fair."
And then he said something he'd never said to another living person.
"I wanted to take Naruto in. The Third didn't think I was ready. He was probably right."
"Maybe." She had an odd look on her face. Something that was closer to anger than understanding. "I've found over the years, Kakashi, that if you worry too much about being ready for something, you'll never actually be ready, and you'll sure as hell never actually do anything."
"Asuma tell you that?"
"What gave it away?"
"He may have told me something similar once when I was being a stubborn fool, and he had to knock some sense into me."
"I think he had to do that for a lot of us."
There were tears in her eyes, and Kakashi was not the person to go to for comfort. He hadn't even been good at it for his students, and they were children.
He should be out investigating Root.
Or the Hanta. He still hadn't turned up anything about Konoha's rumored hunters, and Tsunade needed information as soon as possible.
He needed to look into Hitsugaya now, too.
He knew why Tsunade was tasking him with all of it, but between managing the village's shinobi and trying to figure out what was going wrong with his Sharingan, he didn't have much energy to spare.
He'd started taking soldier pills to get him through the day and sleeping pills to get him through the night. But he knew it wouldn't last. He'd tried something similar after Minato-sensei's death when everything Kakashi had believed in seemed to be gone, and he hadn't had the will to go on. He'd only lasted a few months before the Sandaime had stepped in and made him stop.
The old man had saved his life. Nursed him back to health and put him in a job that had given Kakashi renewed purpose.
It was oddly painful to realize he hadn't afforded that effort to others.
Was Kakashi supposed to feel bad that he'd been helped when others hadn't? That he was special? Worth the effort?
Or was his judgment that lacking concerning the people he'd cared about?
He sure as shit couldn't say anything about Iruka if that was the case.
And then, almost peacefully, he was back in the Hatake compound, in the East training room where Sakumo had loved to meditate.
There were jewel-toned flowers in the vase on the table and candles burning.
The moon was bright and full despite the storm raging, and Kakashi was six years old and filled with rage.
The tanto blade was in his hand.
The family blade.
It stayed in his hand as he crossed the room.
"Kakashi, my son, someday….."
It stayed in his hand as he approached his father, and Sakumo looked away from the storm.
There was blood spreading across his stomach.
The blade was in Kakashi's hand.
"Someday, you are going to be very important to a very broken little boy."
When he finally turned, looked at Kakashi it was with dead eyes.
The blade was in Kakashi's hand.
And then it was in his father's gut.
Then Kakashi was back in T&I, paralyzed and unable to look away as his father slumped to the floor.
The Sharingan spun freely, and Kakashi could feel his chakra fading away as the blood began to pool.
***
Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
Neil Gaiman
***
Present Day
: :Hokage's Office, Hokage's Tower: :
Tsunade collapsed at her desk with a groan.
The Council had finally left after arguing with her for six goddamn hours about Asuma and Neji.
Hiashi had not backed down in the face of the Council's wrath, had only agreed to allow ANBU to post guards outside the compound as additional security.
Tsunade had been struck by the odd thought that a Uchiha would have been perfect for this situation. She could still remember the Military Police Force they'd led and the faith Hiruzen had had in their ability to handle anything from missing-nin to traitors to mental breakdowns.
No one had ever escaped their hold.
They might have also helped Kakashi. He wouldn't admit something was wrong yet, but Tsunade knew.
There was still a chance Sasuke would return with Naruto, apologetic and remorseful, and he could help Kakashi with the Sharingan as part of his rehabilitation.
But until then, any answers were beyond her and beyond Kakashi.
There was a library sealed deep within the Uchiha Compound, but no one could get inside. Even Jiraiya had tried and failed.
She grabbed the sake she'd hidden in the potted plant next to her desk and took a long drink, only to discover the bottle was empty.
Of all the times.
She slammed it onto the desk in frustration, and the jarring jolt of pain in her wrist made her howl.
What the hell?
Her wrist was broken. Fractured.
When had that happened?
She hadn't been in a fight since the final battle.
Except….
Umino.
That son of a bitch.
He'd broken her wrist when she'd broken his, and she hadn't even noticed.
She healed it quickly enough, angrier that he'd slipped by her guard than that he'd injured her at all.
It was almost impressive.
Enough to make her curious.
Where was his file?
***
Moro had ruled the earth once.
One of the old gods who'd helped form it into what had eventually given birth to what it was today.
She roamed freely, taken and given at will. There was not one inch of the land that she didn't know, from the thick forests to the East, the deserts in the center, the mountains through the North and the islands to the South, and everything in between.
Her pack had been unchallenged, free to run and hunt whenever and wherever they pleased.
And then the humans came.
The pale-eyed ones who preached but did not follow.
And their tree.
The sickness it had brought with it.
When Kaguya had eaten the God fruit Moro had known the infection was too deep to cut out entirely.
It was the way of life that, eventually, all things ended.
Moro had led her pack into the Pure Land to await a new world.
They had waited.
And waited.
But this tainted world had held on.
The humans refused to let go. Refused to accept that sometimes things ended and new things began.
They clung like children to their parents.
Like her teeth to her enemy's neck.
And they had dragged the world along while the old gods watched, amused and intrigued enough that a few, including Moro, had eventually ventured out of the in-between to study these graceless creatures.
Moro had found a young human woman with spiraling red eyes and blood-soaked hands.
She came from a line of warriors, she said. Preferred to be alone than part of the larger groups that depended on one another for survival.
Strength was best cultivated alone.
But it was best spent together, Moro had challenged and had found that they were not so dissimilar in their beliefs.
She'd watched that human's family grow through the years. As more and more of them developed the spiral eyes that seemed to see through everything.
Humans claimed to value truth above most things. Chased it to the detriment of their survival.
She watched them flourish and then nearly die out, their determination to stand alone almost doing them in before they finally found another worth standing beside.
A line of healers and wood masters.
Like the pale eyes, they preached, but unlike the pale eyes, they seemed to follow their words with action.
They struggled through unification, through foundation, through war, but somehow they stuck together.
And when the young woman who wasn't that young anymore and the healer who fought more than he healed decided to form a force to protect their soldiers, Moro had been intrigued.
She was not the first of the old gods to become attached to a human.
She would not be the last.
But perhaps she would be the most dedicated. Following the line of red-eyed humans from its very beginning to its very end.
They were only somewhere in the middle now, and there were great and terrible things to come, but somehow, the blood held on.
The line survived.
Clung like those first humans had to the world that was supposed to die.
It was a defiance, a stubbornness that she could not help but admire.
Humans cared more for sentimentality than sense, it seemed.
It made them unpredictable.
And interesting.
Most of them feared her true form. The great white wolf with three tails, but the red-eyes embraced the terror she inspired and took her own mark as theirs.
A fan.
And gave her their eyes in exchange.
A gift, they'd said, for one worthy.
And she had said, I am a god. There is none more worthy than I.
They had laughed.
Such fearlessness was delicious.
They had not called on her in some time now.
But they would soon.
And Moro looked forward to seeing how the world had changed again.
***
Present Day
: :Hattori Gates, Konohagakure: :
The first time Itachi had seen the gates in years.
The first time Shisui had seen them in almost a decade.
And there was a small child hanging from them.
***
You cannot conquer a free man. The most you can do is kill him.
Robert Heinlein
***
~tbc~