The earth trembled beneath their feet as the Chicken Parm Titan took another step forward, its parmesan-crusted armor glistening under the sunlight. The air was thick with the overwhelming scent of marinara sauce and melted cheese, an oddly comforting yet horrifying combination.
Kazuya wiped his face. "Alright. What the hell is this? First a Holy Cow, now a giant, over-seasoned poultry nightmare?"
The Holy Cow of Lactania snorted, stepping forward. "Behold, mortals. This is the guardian of the Ultimate Dairy—an abomination created when an ancient war between the Kingdom of Cheese and the Empire of Poultry escalated too far. It is neither fully chicken nor fully parmesan… but something far worse."
Sylvara gagged, covering her nose. "I think the real threat here is the smell. It's like someone left an Italian buffet in the sun for a week."
The Chicken Parm Titan let out a deep, guttural BAWK, its voice shaking the heavens. A piece of crispy cheese flaked off its shoulder and hit the ground with a dramatic clink.
Quackleton quacked in distress, pointing to the titan's feet. "Quack quack!"
Kazuya squinted. "Wait… are those meatball land mines?"
Ravynne's eyes widened. "Oh no. Those aren't just meatballs. Those are exploding meatballs."
As if on cue, one of the meatballs detonated, sending sauce and cheese splattering across the battlefield.
Kazuya groaned. "Oh, fantastic. We're fighting a walking Italian dinner that has land mines for toes."
Battle of the Ultimate Entrée
The team sprang into action. Sylvara unleashed a volley of enchanted arrows, but they merely embedded themselves in the titan's thick, breaded hide.
Ravynne attempted a fire spell, only for the titan to absorb the flames, making its cheese armor even crispier. "Oh, great. Fire just made it tastier!"
The Holy Cow stepped forward, its golden horns glowing. "Fools! Only the power of dairy can defeat the Ultimate Dairy!"
Kazuya blinked. "So you're saying… we have to fight cheese with more cheese?"
The Holy Cow nodded solemnly. "It is the only way."
Sylvara looked at Kazuya. "Do we have any cheese-based attacks?"
Kazuya hesitated, then slowly reached into his pocket. "...I still have that emergency pack of string cheese."
The Holy Cow gasped. "That… may be enough."
Kazuya held the string cheese aloft like a divine relic. The titan's glowing red eyes locked onto it, and for a moment, the battlefield went silent.
Then, with an ear-splitting BAWK, the Chicken Parm Titan charged forward.
Kazuya's Big Brain Play
Thinking quickly, Kazuya turned to the Holy Cow. "Can you bless this cheese with holy energy?"
The cow nodded, touching its horns to the string cheese. The simple snack began to glow with divine radiance.
"Alright, you overgrown chicken cutlet!" Kazuya shouted, holding the now Divine String Cheese of Destiny. "You want this? COME GET IT!"
The Chicken Parm Titan lunged forward, mouth wide open.
Kazuya wound up like a baseball pitcher and yeeted the glowing cheese straight into the titan's gaping maw.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then—
The titan froze in place. Its eyes widened in shock.
It chewed.
And then…
Tears. Actual, giant, steaming hot tears of marinara sauce began rolling down the titan's crispy cheeks.
Sylvara gasped. "Is it… crying?"
Ravynne watched in awe. "I think… I think Kazuya just gave it the greatest cheese it's ever tasted."
The Chicken Parm Titan clutched its chest, letting out a final, emotional bawk before collapsing to its knees. Slowly, it began to crumble, its parmesan armor dissolving into golden dust.
The battle was over.
Kazuya wiped his hands. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you defeat a kaiju… with snacks."
The Aftermath: New Crisis Incoming
The Holy Cow stepped forward, nodding in approval. "You have done well, mortals. The Chicken Parm Titan has been put to rest, its hunger finally satisfied."
Kazuya sighed in relief. "Great. So that means we can—"
RUMBLE.
The ground trembled again.
Kazuya closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh, for the love of—WHAT NOW?"
Ravynne pointed toward the horizon, where a gigantic, gelatinous mass was rising from the ground. It wobbled ominously, reflecting the moonlight.
Sylvara squinted. "Is that… is that a JELLO MONSTER?"
The Holy Cow gasped. "No… It is the forbidden creation… the Pudding Leviathan."
Kazuya collapsed to his knees. "I hate my life."
To be continued…