Kazuya sat at the head of an extravagant table inside the Temple of the Cougar Goddess, his palms sweating as he stared across at the radiant deity who had summoned him. Her golden locks shimmered like sunlight, and her eyes sparkled with endless mischief.
The Cougar Goddess smirked, leaning forward in her throne-like chair. "So, Kazuya. Are you ready for the Dinner Date Trial?"
Before he could answer, Cluckbeard slammed his tankard down on the table.
"Arrr! If this be a trial o' charm and flirtin', then I'll not sit idly by! I'll join the competition!"
Kazuya's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me."
Lady Ravynne sipped her wine, a smug grin on her face. "This is about to get interesting."
The Feast of Flirting
The table groaned under the weight of lavish dishes: roasted pheasant, crystal goblets filled with glowing nectar, and a cheesecake so decadent it looked like it could solve world hunger.
"Your task," the Cougar Goddess said with a playful smile, "is to impress me during this dinner. Points will be awarded for flattery, flirting, and your ability to handle the heat."
"Handle the heat?" Kazuya echoed nervously.
A servant entered carrying a tray of flaming chili peppers, and Kazuya's heart sank.
Round 1: Flirt Fest
Kazuya started off cautiously.
"You know, Cougar Goddess, your beauty could probably make the stars jealous. Ever consider dimming it a little for the sake of astronomy?"
The goddess chuckled, clearly amused. "Not bad, mortal."
Cluckbeard, however, leaned in with a roguish grin.
"Arrr, fair goddess, if ye be a treasure map, I'd follow ye to the ends o' the earth—and into uncharted waters!"
The Cougar Goddess blushed. "Bold. I like it."
Kazuya scowled. "Did you just flirt with her using pirate metaphors?"
"It be me specialty," Cluckbeard said, smirking.
Round 2: Handle the Heat
Next, the participants were each handed a spicy chili pepper that glowed ominously. The Cougar Goddess watched with keen interest as they bit into the fiery fruit.
Kazuya's face turned red almost instantly, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Spicy… is good," he croaked, his voice barely audible.
Cluckbeard, on the other hand, popped the whole pepper into his mouth and roared.
"Arrr, this be nothin' compared to the fiery breath o' a dragon!"
The Cougar Goddess clapped her hands, delighted.
Sylvara, watching from the sidelines, leaned toward Ravynne. "Do you think Kazuya has any chance of winning this?"
Ravynne swirled her wine glass. "Not unless he pulls out something truly spectacular."
Round 3: The Surprise Talent Show
For the final round, the Cougar Goddess declared a surprise twist: each competitor had to showcase a unique talent to impress her.
Cluckbeard went first, pulling out a lute and belting out a raunchy sea shanty about forbidden love between a pirate and a mermaid. The goddess was laughing so hard she had to wipe tears from her eyes.
When it was Kazuya's turn, he hesitated, then stood up.
"I… I'll do impressions."
The Cougar Goddess raised an eyebrow. "Impressions?"
Kazuya nodded. He cleared his throat and launched into a series of uncanny imitations:
Lady Ravynne's sultry sarcasm Sylvara's exasperated quips Cluckbeard's pirate bluster
By the time he mimicked the Cougar Goddess herself, complete with a dramatic hair flip and mock-flirtatious tone, she was doubled over with laughter.
The Winner Is…
After the dinner concluded, the Cougar Goddess rose from her seat, her eyes twinkling. "This was the most fun I've had in centuries. As for the winner…"
Kazuya and Cluckbeard leaned forward, holding their breath.
She smiled mischievously. "You're both winners in my book."
Kazuya blinked. "Wait, what?"
The goddess snapped her fingers, and two golden medallions appeared, one for each of them.
"Now, go forth with my blessing—and try not to burn down the mountain on your way out."