"I'm not going back."
"you can't make me." I spat into the face of this stupid fucking thing calling itself God.
"I'm done, I served my time, send me to hell already and let's get this over with!" I commanded without a moment's hesitation as I got even closer into his face, putting us nose to nose.
not that he cared, or even noticed.
I clicked my tongue in annoyance as he snapped his fingers and I was right back where I started, right back where I woke up after dying.
right back to hearing him say, "your next life awai-" right back to me, immediately interrupting him with, yet again, "I'm not going back!" except this time, much more forcefully.
much more, uselessly.
because, not even a second later, he snapped his fingers for a second time, and the void around the two of us vanished in a puff of color and swirling textures that eventually, after looking like the world's worst trip, settled into what could only be described as a virgin losers wet dream.
now, what do I mean by that, you wonder?
well, in no uncertain terms, there I was, hovering just out of sight, directly above something straight out of a fantasy novel, a room full of dumbass kids, in dumbass uniforms, chanting dumbass phrases in another language one after another.
phrases that, once complete, resulted in whoever'd approached a stone altar in the center of a stone stage carved to high hell in various strange symbols, smiling and jumping for joy as a weird alien looking thing materialized before them, a goofy ass grin on BOTH of their faces as the two left the room elated in whatever fuckery was going on.
I grunted in disgust at how gay this stupid shit was.
which, of course, given my luck, is when I noticed someone walking towards the altar.
or, more accurately, when I was FORCED, to notice someone walking towards the altar.
a short, scrawny kid with shaggy blonde hair that fell over meek blue eyes that anxiously darted all over the place as if he were some terrified lizard.
it was cut-
I gagged, very nearly vomited, as I caught myself before I could think whatever the FUCK that just was.
but, before I could regain composure of ANY nature, this kid, this boy, touched the altar, and instantly, before I could even scream, "WHAT THE HELL?!" I was dragged on top of it so violently, the impact almost knocked me out cold there and then.
I winced, sharply inhaled, and in a voice that sounded like I'd just crushed both of my nuts, cursed, "fuckin' hell! what'd you do that for?!"
which, surprised the shit out of absolutely everybody in the room, old lady right behind me in a weird robe included.
old lady I hadn't seen before.
or now.
I paused, shocked that I knew where she was, and what she was wearing as I whipped my head to face a middle aged, black haired, grey strand speckled, woman with sharp features, glasses, and clothes right out of a harry potter comic con, the teacher variety of course, alongside an aura of, "I'm proper, so I'm better than all of you combined, suck my dick bitches."
and before any of us could figure out what was actually going on here, myself included, the hushed whispers of everyone in the room began flooding into my ears alongside their accompanying heartbeats.
"Woah *THUMP* *THUMP* she *THUMP* *THUMP*..."
"is that..*THUMP**THUMP*.."
"can't be...*THUMP* *THUMP* can it?"
I winced as the sounds overloaded my brain and sent me grabbing for my head as I staggered off the altar and crashed to the ground, writhing in pain for what felt like hours before any relief came to the rescue.
but, when it finally fucking had, and I barely swayed to my feet, I'd instantly come to find out only a second or two at the very most had passed, and the sudden confusion, had been quelled by the very lady I looked at before.
the very lady that was now, beelining straight for me.
the lady that, way faster than someone her age had any right to move, snatched my right arm, yanked it up since she was taller than me somehow, and like a parent scolding a child, I think? I'll be honest, I've only ever heard about it from people I got bored of trying to kill and shot small talk with, and began shouting, "young lady! this isn't funny! if you had to play a prank, you could've chosen something with more decency!" at me.
now, I don't know if any of you were aware of this, but I, am in fact, NOT, a girl.
I thought very matter of factly in utter denial as I found myself staring downwards at my own body.
my own tits.
my own, very real, very noticeable now that I was looking at them, very HEAVY, tits.
I just, couldn't stop staring.
not at them.
not at the small waist.
the flat, enticing belly.
the long brown hair.
the leather jacket that, WASN'T a jacket.
the nonexistent piece of red cloth I had no choice but to call a shirt.
and the shorts that, at this point, counted as something closer to underwear than actual outer wear, A.K.A. SHORTS.
I just, did NOT have the words to continue as I looked up into this woman's eyes, and very calmly said, "ok. I'm not actually dead yet, none of this is happening, you're my brain's last attempt at escape as I suffer an overdose, yeah, that's it, I'm overdosing, my brain is misfiring, all of this is a hallucination, albeit an incredibly vivid one, but still, a hallucination." you know, like someone in denial would.
I wanted to laugh, cry, and kill myself all at the same time as this woman lost her mind at me.
as this woman absolutely had a field day on my ass as she shouted, screeched, "NO MORE OF YOUR LIES!! DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?! HOW DARE YOU MAKE UP WEIRD WORDS, ARE YOU INSULTING ME?!" in that recognizable spiteful old person tone we've all heard, or used ourselves, at some point in our lives.
that, was only quelled, when someone older than she was, someone dressed in weirder, longer, more elaborate robes than her, rushed into the room, ushered all the kids out, save for the blondie still meekly cowering right where he was when this all started, and then came right for us.
his beard swaying in a way that made me snicker audibly, and the lady to get mad at me for.
but, the old man got to us right as she tried to start yelling at me again, and he, well, he apparently had all the answers.
because the minute he stepped foot right in front of me, he said, "a blood spirit, how rare, and in humanoid form as well, I guess our prized prodigy here is going to be a master thaumaturge one day soon." like it was a completely normal sentence, on a completely normal day.
I couldn't help but cock my head to the side in confusion at this very clearly senile old man as I yanked my arm free of the lady's grip, and then subsequently gasping in shock as that single motion sent her flying into the wall in the direction I yanked so hard, she went THROUGH it.
I winced for her as I turned back to the old man and wondered, "what in the actual fuck is going on here?" in my best, "I'm trying to be nice." voice.
that, luckily, he appreciated, and with one of those grandpa smiles I only got to see at a distance, replied, "you were summoned as a familiar, my dear, I take it this isn't your world of origin."
now, that, that word at the end there.
was what really told me what was going on here.
I exhaled in utter frustration as I aimed my head at the sky, or, well, the ceiling, and shouted, "YOU FUCKER! I TOLD YOU TO JUST SEND ME TO HELL!" right at where I hoped "God" would be watching.
only to sigh, drop my head back down, and ask the old man an incredibly important question, "I'm that kids familiar, aren't I?"
"yes." he responded.
"I'm stuck here." I spoke, a statement.
"yes." he answered like it was a question, it wasn't, but I appreciated the energy.
I lied to myself as I turned away from the man, and walked over to the boy who, at this point, was cowering at my mere presence.
pathetic, yes, but, I couldn't do anything about.
I couldn't even think about hurting this kid.
and that's not me being nice, I'm being serious, my brain just simply did not allow me under any circumstance to think of bringing harm to him.
in ANY capacity.
I found myself dumbfounded as I exhaled, gently put a hand on his shoulder, and let out, "you can't unsummon me, can you?"
to which, he shook his head no.
"fuck."