Guilt,
Guilt,
A sense of immorality ran up his spine and spread throughout his body.
My heart beats dangerously,
My whole body was burning hot as if I had a disease.
But curiously,
For the first time in my life,
It was thrilling.
Like winning a gamble.
"⋯."
My sister fell out of my ear.
They even looked at each other's pupils.
I didn't need to speak up.
There are things that can be conveyed even without words.
In words,
Because there are things I can't tell you.
An afternoon that has not yet been sunk,
Sitting on my bed,
Slowly closing your eyes,
So my sister and brother,
Overlapped lips.
The first bud kiss that made my heart flutter,
A dirty deep kiss that longs for the other person,
I thought I kissed you so many times that I got sick of it.
It was so awkward today,
Was a bit sad,
Thanks to that, it was sweeter.
"P-H-Ap… I kissed my brother…"
"You've already done so many that I can't count on my fingers."
"I won't count that because we didn't do it as siblings."
"⋯."
"Again, I was taken away by my brother the first time."
"I've never stolen?"
"Then… I gave it to my brother for the first time again. Hehe…"
As soon as the mucous membranes that had been intertwined for a moment were removed,
You laughed as if you were playing with my heart again.
That's so lovely
Want to have,
I wanted to run over.
"Kim Winter, loosen your ⋯legs."
"No."
"Didn't you ask for it to be dirty?"
"Not yet. I want you to stay like this with your brother."
Clinging to me and tying my legs around my waist,
As if he didn't want to fall even for a moment, he hugged her tightly with the momentum that his ribs would break.
I teased my tongue again, wondering if a little more kiss would calm me down.
The more he tortured me, the stronger the power that restrained me.
Even so, it didn't hurt that much because I was weak.
"Fuhap, ha… Oppa, I love kissing, really."
"You are begging."
"Did I not say anything?"
"Wouldn't that mean you're asking me to close my eyes while looking at you with that expression?"
"Oh, brother, do you want to kiss your sister when you see her expression like that? Are you pervert?"
"⋯I don't think why my sister is being so arrogant today. Can you teach me etiquette again?"
"There's only a 3-year age difference, so don't pretend you're older."
"Are you really going to attack me?"
"Eh, are you a real brother? Really? Are you going to attack your sister? Are you a close friend?"
Do you think I won't be able to move if you hold me?
Or would it be closer to the latter when it comes to whether he really wants to attack?
So, as I wished, I put my hand in the pajama pants and slowly pulled them down.
I left her underwear for now because I wanted to take it off while looking at it.
It was impossible to take it all off because it was hugged, but I was able to take it off without a problem to the extent of teasing my butt as much as I wanted.
⋯It's not visible, but it feels like the area of cloth is small today.
I'll turn around.
"That, brother. Really…?"
"Since you beg me to dirty it, I can't help it."
"It's okay to touch, but yet…"
"Why. Come now?"
"⋯Actually, I'm not done talking."
"Do you still have something to say?"
"Yes."
I wanted to press it right into the bed and pierce it until it made a crying sound, but
Still, I had to listen to a certain amount of foolishness.
Anyway,
Because he's my older brother
"Yes, brother."
"Tell me quickly. Before it hits you."
"Okay, wait a minute, really."
"Okay."
"You said you would tell me why I fell in love with you. Before the year is over."
"Uh."
"Can you listen now?"
"I will listen."
"It must be very long?"
"⋯If done within an hour."
"Yes."
To be honest, I doubted whether I could survive in this position for 30 minutes, but
⋯I have to be patient.
It's nothing else, I can listen to a confession.
"⋯ Actually, I didn't feel like you were my brother."
"That's a bit shocking."
"Yeah, blunt. He's also as tall as a distant man. Her face doesn't match her age."
"You're cursing me for looking old, right now."
"No no. ⋯Looked like an adult."
"⋯Uh."
"Because I don't run into oppa except when I'm eating, or when I'm out of the shower and brushing my hair. It was like everyone else."
"Because I was busy studying."
"⋯I didn't hate it though."
"You don't even care, why?"
"Because I always smelled like soap. ⋯To my brother."
Her sister put her nose on my shoulder and sniffed,
As if it wasn't enough, she took a long breath and continued the story.
"All my classmates say that their brother is dirty. Because he wasn't my brother. I don't even curse well."
"Because her grandmother raised her that way. With you."
"Huh. So I didn't hate it."
"I didn't hate you either. ⋯Even if I didn't know you would like it."
"⋯I didn't know I would fall in love with you either."
"How did you do that?"
"Because I've never actually liked anyone."
"⋯That's fortunate."
"I've never had a heartbeat before."
"You're talking about me, right?"
"Do I have to ask about that? You're breaking the mood, idiot."
I asked half-jokingly and half-seriously, and he slapped me on the arm.
Apologizing and stroking her hair, she calmed down again.
"I don't think much of it when I see celebrities or idols on TV."
"Uh."
"I don't know if it's because I went to a girls' middle school or high school, but ⋯, she didn't think anything of it when she saw a good-looking person."
"⋯Why?"
"Are you people you don't know? What is your personality like, what is your voice like, how do you live at home. Nothing."
"Uh."
"⋯Because my brother knew. Entire."
"So you fell in love with me?"
"Oh, not like that. It just… Means I didn't hear anything about people I didn't know."
The voice of the younger sister who confessed her feelings was calm, but
Her body temperature was a bit colder than she thought,
She could feel it tremble slightly.
To speak bluntly,
Because it was a very heavy story.
"The thing that makes me excited about my brother… Is the first time after watching my brother's college entrance exam."
"Is it because I bought you a cell phone for your birthday?"
"I wasn't excited at the time. It was just embarrassing and embarrassing."
"Why. You can buy your brother a phone."
"Someone I'm not close with suddenly says that, of course it's burdensome."
"Okay. It's my fault."
"⋯Anyway, the first time I saw you crying was when I started to be conscious."
"When did you see me cry?"
"You cried after taking the CSAT."
"⋯Did you see it?"
Ah.
At that time, I wanted to forget about things.
Looking back now, I don't understand why I cried about it.
I just watched it as usual.
"It's the next room, but I can hear everything."
"It's a bit embarrassing."
"Ah, why are you ashamed of your family?"
"If you've heard it, shouldn't you have read it a little more?"
"I was really wondering if that was the case. ⋯Because I'm shy."
"You just said what your family members are ashamed of."
"At that time, my brother wasn't a family member, he was a complete stranger. I was wondering if we could talk once a week or not."
"⋯That's right."
"I didn't think you would cry."
"I am a human too."
"Huh. So… I realized for the first time that this person is my brother."
"Why?"
"I felt bad when I saw that my brother was having a hard time. Me too."
"⋯."
"Even if we aren't close, we are family…"
"Why did someone who felt like family like me?"
"So I tried to be considerate of you too…"
The younger sister who calmly spoke one by one,
Suddenly, as if angry, he started shooting at me.
"Suddenly be nice to me. Buy me a gift When you see me, you smile I'm trying to take you all over the place keep talking ⋯What are you saying to me?"
"Can't you be nice to your brother? It's family. I was just trying to be friends with you."
"Where is the older brother who puts a headband on his younger brother at an amusement park! Seriously, ⋯silly."
"⋯Are you excited at that time?"
"Yes."
To be honest, I couldn't communicate well with her sister at the time.
There are words I heard from her mother.
I have a promise like that.
There are also times when I screwed up my connections at university, so I spent my time instead.
⋯ Although I think the biggest thing was that her sister was just cute.
I think I did everything because I wanted to become friends.
Who knew it would be taken that way.
"I was embarrassed because it was my first feeling… But I'm not bad at all, am I?"
"It's my younger brother, of course."
"I didn't want to admit it. I couldn't."
"Like what."
"I couldn't deny that I had romantic feelings for my brother. I was disgusted with myself."
"⋯Yes."
"I tried to hide it, I tried to get rid of it… But it keeps coming back to life when my brother talks to me."
"⋯."
"I thought it would be better if my brother went to the army. You have a saying like that. When the body goes down, the mind goes down."
"But isn't it?"
"Of course it is. ⋯It's not like we're going to fall apart for the rest of our lives. Because we know that blood ties don't disappear."
"⋯Are they siblings?"
"Yes."
It's already dirty to be called pure,
Torn,
It was a miserable word that had been hacked up.
It doesn't disappear
Because I can't do anything without it.
Even if you said you wanted to.
Even if you don't want to.
"So why did I cry when I went to the army?"
"Um… 10% of it was because I felt sorry for my brother. 40% because I hate falling out with my brother."
"What about the other half?"
"⋯I don't think I'll ever hate my brother. I cried."
"⋯."
Long if long,
Never too short a time.
I guess it's been about 3 years.
Unanswered,
While harboring feelings that should not be reciprocated.
How worried my brother was,
Were you writhing in pain,
I couldn't know for sure.
But what I can sympathize with as much as possible is also,
I was the only one who took the same path.
"It was fixed from then on. ⋯I want my brother to like me."
"Is that why you call me when you're bored?"
"Huh. Oh, I don't mean that. It's not the same as men and women. Just because he's good as a younger brother. I wished you liked me more."
"How much did you want?"
"Even if I had a girlfriend, if I said I was sick, would she come running right away even during a date?"
"Then that's the difference."
"Because it would be better for me if I had a difference with my brother. ⋯That much."
"⋯."
"Because it's okay to look at me as a younger sister, ⋯I wanted to."
"⋯."
"I was so happy to hear all the things I wanted to hear, and to see my brother obsess over me that much…"
"⋯."
"I wanted to give, I wanted to have. My first time, my brother's first time, everything. Because I don't want to do something that didn't exist. Because even memories are good. ⋯I wanted to."
In no time, the trembling of the body has stopped,
Breathing is stable,
He wasn't blunt, but he was confessing his feelings without hesitation.
As if a burden had been lifted off her shoulders.
It hangs over me as if I have arrived at my destination,
Comfortably.
"⋯But, it didn't work that way."
"What."
"After kissing and having sex with my brother. Because I keep getting greedy I don't think so. No way."
"⋯It can't be helped. We are of the same mind."
"If it weren't for brother and sister, she would have lost her feelings, but she even thought about it."
"Why?"
"That's right, oppa's personality is really bad? Do I have a bad personality? They're both selfish and they're both very proud. If she wasn't brother and sister, even if we dated, we would have fought all the time."
"⋯."
"Because we are siblings. It's so hard that we don't even think about fighting among ourselves…"
"⋯That's right."
When we were young, we weren't close enough to fight.
After growing up to a certain extent, we didn't fight because we didn't have enough time to get to know each other.
There is no place left to make friends,
After having feelings I shouldn't have,
Couldn't fight
There were already too many obstacles the two of us had to overcome together.
"It was nice when we were lovers, but it was a bit scary."
"Are you afraid you'll get caught?"
"There are things like that. ⋯What if my brother gets tired of me someday?"
"Do I look like trash?"
"You're trash because you touched your younger brother."
"⋯."
"⋯ I was worried about what he would do if he stopped being trash. If you suddenly come to your senses and ask not to do this… You shouldn't."
"Am I fine?"
"Huh. ⋯So I thought of what to do when I'm fine."
"⋯Is that it?"
"Do that so that my brother can't even refute or run away. ⋯I want to hold onto it firmly."
"You already have enough. ⋯There is a lot of evidence."
"That's right, but… Actually, it's only half a joke. I just liked my brother."
"I?"
"I like seeing me with those ⋯ eyes often, even though she treats me like her little sister."
"⋯Dangerous kid, really."
"But it can't be helped. Secretly holding hands after arguing with my brother, secretly going out together. Going out and kissing secretly. Because everything is fine."
"⋯Like now?"
"Yes."
"What if I get caught?"
"It's fine if you don't notice. ⋯If you don't get caught as you say, it won't happen."
"Okay. ⋯ Let's not get caught. As brother and sister, because we are brother and sister… We love each other."
"Yes."
"Are you done talking?"
"Actually, I still have one left…"
"What."
Even after finishing a long story,
It seemed that the younger sister still had something to say.
He hesitated, unable to meet my eyes,
I barely opened my mouth.
"I'm really sorry about your brother. Not today."
"⋯What?"
"Because it's such a day."
"⋯Didn't you say that last week?"
"So… No."
"Why."
"You really can't do that."
"Why."
"I know I can't if I can't! You should be doing this so that it doesn't happen."
"Let go."
"No. You're going to attack your brother."
"If that's the case, why are you wearing these panties?"
"I'll do something else, ⋯really, that's not possible."
"⋯Could it be that kind of day?"
"⋯."
She was my sister who held on to me with all her might, as if trying to keep me from running over, but
To my question, she answered with a nod.
⋯.
Wake up with her sister clinging to me like a cicada,
I just pressed myself to the bed.
Her limbs, which were hugging me with all their might,
With a little bit of her strength, she was able to remove all of them without difficulty.