***
I would rather die a meaningful death than live a meaningless life.
Corazon Aquino
***
Jordan and Peter decide to stick around for a few days.
Jordan is thirty-seven, soon to be thirty-eight in a couple of weeks; Peter is thirty-three as of a month ago, and Jake is solidly halfway through his thirtieth year.
They cling to one another tighter and tighter as time goes by.
Everyone is still hungover the next morning when Maverick's text to meet at the beach comes in, and if Jake didn't still have something to prove about being a team player, he'd ignore it.
But he does, so he doesn't.
Javy took Fanboy and Fitch home last night and stayed to make sure they didn't die, so he's meeting Jake at the beach.
Jordan and Peter don't have to listen to Mav, so they both just mutter and go back to sleep.
Lucky bastards.
When he stumbles climbing into his truck, he knows he needs something before he tries whatever bonding experience Mav has planned, so he stops by a coffee shop that does excellent breakfast smoothies and tries not to look as pathetically hungover as he feels.
The hand on his arm surprises him. He hasn't seen Julia since their last run-in in Lemoore, and she'd mentioned she was heading to the East Coast for a new assignment. Their first meeting was years ago now, but Jake remembers most of their run-ins fondly in the interim.
Well, maybe not fondly, but he doesn't really have any negative feelings, so they stand off to the side and chat while waiting for their drinks, and Jake doesn't think much about how often she touches him. He comes from a family of touchers. It's comforting, and Julia's known him long enough that it doesn't trigger any kind of warning in his brain.
Especially because she's talking about a friend she's been talking with. They're on the verge of starting something, and she thinks he could be the one, and she's just so excited. Jake's happy for her, a bit jealous, but mostly happy.
Her man's a bit slow; she confides, not mental or anything, just careful and hesitant to jump into things. It took them a long time to start talking, but once they finally did, everything clicked. He's stationed on the carrier group out of San Diego now, and she flew out to surprise him for the long weekend.
Jake wishes her the best of luck and agrees to swap numbers when she suggests staying in touch. Maybe if she can figure out how to make things work with her cautious guy, she'll have some useful advice for Jake.
She makes him promise to get dinner before she leaves, and they part ways, with Jake running late and trying to suck down a blueberry ginger smoothie before he reaches the beach.
Dogfight football.
He should have stayed in bed.
***
Pete Mitchell is a lot of things. An excellent pilot is at the top of that list. A great wingman right below it.
Leader is not in the top five.
Especially not a leader to a handful of young and out to prove something aviators.
Pete is a pilot. Not a commander. Tom is a commander who also just happens to be a hell of a pilot.
He knows how to shape young officers. Pete's just grasping at straws because he knows Tom can't get involved in this, and something's off with him anyway. Ever since he saw Seresin and gave that little speech that he won't talk to Pete about.
He's camped out in his study, staring at that picture every night this week, and Pete's getting more and more concerned.
And annoyed. But he loves Tom, so the annoyed part never gains much traction.
Something has changed with Bradley, too. He's still so, so angry and hurt and full of rage that Pete has no idea how to face.
But it's tempered by something Pete can't see. He's relaxed, and the circles under his eyes have faded, before yesterday Pete even saw him smiling and laughing with his cohort.
And then Seresin had run his mouth, and that small peace had shattered.
An eye for an eye and all that.
Pete's familiar with that reasoning. Has dealt with a few officers in his career with that mentality. It never works out in the end if they stick with it, but Seresin doesn't seem that lost. He lashed out, and Pete doesn't blame him.
Moreover, he's relieved because it doesn't seem like Seresin has any desire to do it again.
And where the fuck had his brothers come from?
Pete hadn't heard anything about Seresin having a family. In fact, the only person Mav had heard he was close to was Machado. Tom'd had no idea. Bradley and the cohort clearly hadn't, which was odd. The military was really one big, very small town. Everyone knew everyone, and if you didn't, you knew somebody who did. Pete's entire cohort had known his story by the end of training. Had even met his mother once, at graduation. It was hard to keep secrets, even if you were trying.
You lived too deeply in one another's pockets for that.
Why had Seresin kept his family a secret?
And why did Mav care so much? He hadn't been this bothered about missing something about someone since he'd first met Tom and gotten everything wrong.
And then Bradley's eyes crinkled at the edges when he saw Seresin park, and they stayed like that until the other pilot was close enough to see him, and then Bradley pasted the same blank frown that he'd always used when he was mad at Tom and Pete and determined to make a point.
Son of a bitch.
How had Pete missed that?
This is why he shouldn't be in charge of impressionable young people. Pete was not made to deal with this shit.
And then, and then it got worse because an hour into their game when things were finally turning around, two more blond Seresins showed up, and Pete lost all control of the situation.
Not that he was all that upset. The entire cohort seemed to like the brothers, and the grudge match that it turned into, Seresins and Machado against everyone else, stayed relatively playful instead of bloody.
Although the SEAL only seemed to care about tackling Bradley and Reuben, Mickey, Natasha, and Bob had to team up to take down Peter.
Baby Seresin had clearly never thrown a football either because every throw went off wildly, and Harvard and Yale, who had played in college, kept cursing at him.
Machado mostly seemed like he was asleep.
Pete considered intervening exactly once, but the look he caught from Peter Seresin said he knew exactly who was training his baby brother for a suicide mission, and Pete wasn't stupid enough to think he'd win that fight.
Also, he might have to have a talk with Halo because she keeps slapping Jordan on the ass every time he does something remotely impressive.
***
Callie wanted to fly before she could walk. Her father flew helicopters but wanted something safer for his only daughter.
To date, he's still torn between pride at her accomplishments and annoyance that she chose fixed wing instead of rotary.
For a long time, all Callie thought about the future was focused on the career she wanted, icy grey against a clear blue sky.
Her mother wants her to get married. Not be alone, but Callie's never particularly felt alone, especially not since she joined the Navy. She's had a few relationships, some more serious than others, but none that she was willing to slow down for.
But for one night, she thinks Jordan Seresin could be the one that makes her want.
Handsome in an admittedly typical way; it's more how he makes everyone smile. There was so much laughter and strength, and he's got a career he's serious about, too. For a brief moment, Callie sees years around the world, adventure, and pain, and worry and joy, and it seems like Jordan might see it back.
Until she works up the courage to ask Jake about him after dogfight football is over and everyone has headed home to shower.
And really, the heartbroken look on Jake's face tells her it's never going to happen.
He had a girlfriend; Jake starts and stops and gathers himself, she died. Car accident. They were trying for a baby, and his voice breaks on that word. He's never. She was the one. He's done for life now.
And she wants to argue, they're all young still, but there is something in Jake's eyes that makes her hold her tongue.
Seresins really only love once, he explains, trying to be gentle. He still says her name in his sleep.
There's nothing she can do but cry with him as Jake talks about Tara and the bright, shining light she was for the few years they had her.
She wonders who Jake lost because no one unfamiliar with grief talks like that.
***
The Seresin brothers spend their last night in town together, with Javy keeping everyone else away.
Something is coming, and they all feel it.
They're all headed overseas in the next few weeks, and all they see ahead is darkness, even though none of them will say it out loud.
Jake hasn't even stopped to think about how his cohort is handling the revelation of his brothers, and he doesn't particularly care. He was only ever that close with Javy, so they shouldn't be surprised they didn't know.
He fumbled his way through a short apology to Bradley, but the other man was quick to accept and wave it all off. They hadn't managed to talk alone since, with Javy and his brothers sticking close and Nat and Bob latching onto Bradley.
Everyone seemed to think there was more effort required to keep the peace than there actually was.
Sometimes, Jake thinks people assume love exists where it doesn't. Or at least, they assume a grander degree than there actually is. Jake loves the uniform, and he loves the people who wear it with him, but in that abstract way where he would sacrifice for them but doesn't have any interest in sharing his life with them in any other way.
There are exceptions, of course. He'd thought his cohort was, and maybe they still would be…if he has enough time.
He doesn't think he does, and Jake is good at cutting bait and moving on. Why waste time when he's got so little of it?
Jordan's always been a live-and-let-live kind of guy. Nothing sticks, good or bad. Peter's more introspective and quieter; he thinks too much, but then he's the one with common sense.
Jake barely has any, but what he does have is Javy.
So, he thinks about days as they sit on the sand and watch the sun come up.
Another dawn, another sunset coming.
There are approximately 14600 days in forty years.
Jake's been alive for just over 11000 days. 11000 dawns that he hasn't always remembered to enjoy or celebrate, but he thinks he's doing okay overall.
In a couple of weeks, Jake's going to fly a mission no one expects them to come back from.
It's bothering Javy, he knows. It's bothering Jordan and Peter, too, but they understand. It bothers Jake whenever they leave because their missions are a hell of a lot more dangerous than what Jake does most days.
But they've had that argument, and there was no point in having it again.
Jake drops them both off at his apartment before he heads in, arriving just in time to see Maverick's stolen flight.
The fucker is good, Jake will give him that, but he's still doing it without a team behind him.
That seems to be Maverick's MO.
And he wonders, not that he'll ever ask if that's part of the reason Bradley doesn't like him. He and Mav are alike in how they fly, the single-minded determination, the obsessive pushing of limits. If there wasn't all this baggage hanging over the heads, Jake thinks he'd like to learn from him, at least until he surpassed him.
He's more interested in flying with Iceman, despite his welcoming stunt, because Iceman made it where Jake wants to go.
Hell, if he wasn't worried about time, he'd aim for Kazansky's job.
***
The moment Mav completes the course, Javy sees his opening.
Cyclone's pissed enough to ground Mav for the rest of his career when he catches up to him. Even his aides have run for cover, but Javy hasn't been scared of another person since his father, and after that, well, Cyclone's not that scary.
He really, really doesn't like Mav either, so it's easy for Javy to make the suggestion.
Mav's proven he can accomplish the mission. The brass hates to love him, and Cyclone just wants to be rid of him, so why not send him instead of Jake?
To his credit, it takes Cyclone a few minutes before he's willing to admit that's the way it was going. There's a very small group involved in actually choosing who goes, and Mav only gets to make recommendations. Cyclone's running the mission, so he's the one whose job will be most affected by it.
He wonders if Cyclone volunteered or was voluntold?
Why send the student when you can send the teacher?
And Javy likes Mav. He does. He's a nice guy, not a great commander but a fantastic pilot and probably a good person, not that Javy knows him well enough to say for sure.
It's just….
Javy is comfortable with his priorities.
And his priority is Jake.
He's also probably been watching too many Game of Thrones re-runs (Celia loves the show, even though she'll never admit it. Jake sleeps through it.), and he's been planning and practicing what to say to make sure Jake isn't on the mission.
Jake might never forgive him if he finds out, but Javy can live with that. Can live with anything that buys Jake a little more time.
Cyclone likes the idea of sending Mav. Sending someone they've already seen can complete the mission, but also sending someone more on their way out than just starting their career. Jake has a lot more years to give the Navy, Cyclone thinks, compared to Mav, who's coming up on mandatory retirement.
Jake has a family.
Mav has the Commander of the Pacific Fleet and a godson who won't talk to him.
Objectively, it's not a hard decision. Other people, people outside the military, could make it hard. All lives are equal, and all that, which, of course, Javy agrees, and everyone in the military agrees, but you still have to win the fight.
So, Mav's going to go, which means Rooster will be the wingman because Mav was never going to pick anyone else. Even if Jake had gotten tone on him.
That makes Jake the spare because Jake doesn't fly with a backseater.
And Javy can breathe for the first time in a while. The chances of Jake flying are nill because there's a tiny window of events that could cause them to activate the spare, and the likelihood of that happening…well, Christ, it'd be something out of a movie.
Then he goes to call Hauser because it never hurts to have someone else make the same recommendation.
Jake doesn't so much as twice when Mav makes the announcement. He knew the same thing Javy did when Mav was made team leader.
Javy catches Nat and a few of the others glancing at him during the announcement, expecting something that isn't coming, and Javy whisks him out before anyone can say anything after, calling Lily Grace and shoving the phone in Jake's hand.
Jake will see this as a failure, regardless of the fact that he knows why Mav picked Rooster, they both do, but it's still a failure to Jake.
Lily Grace will pull him through it, though. Like all teens, she has no patience for anyone too slow to keep up or who dwells on things she thinks are unnecessary, and she refuses to let her idolized father do anything like that.
Jake was behind the times when it came to apps and smartphones until Lily Grace got into them and made him learn, and now he's constantly showing Javy the newest release.
And now Javy's made sure her dad's going to be around a little bit longer.
He watches the slow smile that comes over Jake's face as Lily Grace's voice rises and falls over the line.
Rooster storms out of the training room, an angry Natasha and a worried posse of Bob, Reuben, and Mickey behind him.
For a heartbeat, it looks like they might stop to talk to Jake, but Javy glares them off.
Natasha glares right back, righteous fury and over-protectiveness all at once.
Bob just looks confused.
And Rooster….Rooster looks terrified.
Javy's not proud of himself, but he knows who he'd rather have around.
He doesn't want to raise Jake's kids without him.
If he could, he'd take away all the danger and the sadness and the hurt. He'd take it from all of them because his mama always said kindness counts more when you give it to a stranger.
But he can't.
All he can do is watch Jake's back as long as he's around.
Sometimes, Javy feels like a hospice nurse, trying to make a dying man's last days as comfortable and happy as possible before the inevitable end comes.
He wonders how people can do it over and over again?
***
Bradley's earliest memories are loud. Mostly noise. Laughter and off-key singing.
He doesn't do well with silence.
It makes him think and dwell and spiral into dark places where he can't hear his mother's voice anymore. Or Mav's laughter. Or Tom's steady hum.
The academy added Nat's husky laugh and Bob's steady chime.
Jake's sharp, everything.
And lately, Jake's been drowning everyone else out.
Bradley feels like an idiot for not noticing sooner.
Even when Jake brought up his dad in the training room, there was an initial burst of rage, but no hurt. A couple of hours later, Bradley had cooled off enough to talk to Jake, probably enough to invite him to spend the night, but he hadn't seen him until the next day when he'd come to apologize, and his brothers were there, and Bradley didn't want to interrupt.
Or piss them off.
They'd clearly heard about flight school. Javy, no doubt, but Jake's brothers seemed like good people, and now Bradley was curious about what other family Jake had.
Bradley had grown up with his dad dead and then his mom, Mav and Ice constantly in and out until Ice reached enough to be relatively settled.
They are his family, but Bradley doesn't have memories of a house full of people; there were never enough of them for the overwhelming family Christmas' you saw in movies and on tv.
Bradley loves what he had, but he's always been curious. Nat and Bob are from small families too, only children of only children.
The military was a revelation when he finally got in, and Bradley still had days when he needed time to himself, and he'd stop drinking and partying every night or even every weekend. This training course had been the exception, reunited with everyone, but Bradley was already getting sick of all the alcohol.
Jake hadn't seemed to mind skipping a few nights here and there to stay in with Bradley either, and what they got up to was a lot more fun than pool or darts.
A small part of Bradley had been relieved when Jake hadn't been called for the mission, but it was drowned out by his anger at Mav and the terror that had set in when he'd realized he was going.
Nat, Bob, Reuben, and Mickey had all looked spooked and then determined.
They were a lot braver than Bradley.
Now, all Bradley wanted to do was curl up under his blankets and try to sleep away the fear. Preferably with Jake wrapped up with him, but Jake had looked honestly angry in the hallway, and so had Javy.
So, Bradley had resigned himself to his last night on land, being alone in his parent's old house.
Mav had been trying to call him, but Bradley wasn't ready for that. Couldn't deal with that and what was coming.
He was just going to sit in the dark alone and not think about what was coming.
Which meant it was all he could think about.
This was not a good headspace to be in before heading on a mission like this.
In the suffocating silence, the doorbell was almost deafening, and Bradley shot up so fast he fell off the bed.
"Jake?"
"Did you fall?"
"…No."
"You totally did."
"What are you doing here?"
"Do you want to spend tonight alone?"
"No."
"So, get out of the way."
The relief was so staggering that Bradley had to lean on the door to let Jake get by, and the blond didn't even hesitate before heading upstairs.
Bradley detoured to grab bottles of water before locking everything and practically running up the stairs, wrapping them in sheets and blankets until it was more of a fort protecting them from the world.
Warm skin and soft sheets and Jake's steady breathing managed to calm Bradley's thoughts, and he pressed his forehead to Jake's chest, focused on the steady rise and fall as Jake's hand stroked his hair.
"I'm sorry you're not going."
"Not your fault."
"You're being very nice."
"I'm always nice."
"…."
"ish."
"I like your -ish."
"You're sweet tonight."
"I'm always sweet."
"Ish."
"Fucker."
"We're a match."
"Will we be a match when this is over?"
"Do you want to be?"
~tbc~