As an African, you are born with many disadvantages compared to other continents in this world . As an African girl the disadvantages increases ten fold, But as an African girl who is Neuro-divergent your disavantages increases a million fold. It has never been easy to always been seen as 'The other'.
" Vocal stimming, procrastination, disorganization" I jolted upward, sitting straight with my eyes glued to the screen of my phone as I read. Well that will explain I mumbled as I thought about all those years I spent finding answers to me always blurting out things that makes me look weird. I looked around me to see to see how unappealing my room is, clothes and others things scattered around.
My gaze returned to my phone as I continue to scroll. 'Feeling overwhelmed , depression and anxiety, memory problems, difficulty with focusing and concentration'. This points strick a chord in me, recognizing the feeling of being constantly on edge, the way I often felt like doing a billion of different things one minute and how suddenly the next minute i struggle to even start or perhaps how I easily forget the important things to do or struggle to stay focused on it.
My thoughts difted back to the article, my eyes threading downwards as I scrolled through my phone. Well, I guess I'm not crazy or lazy or too sensitive after all like my siblings would say, maybe I just have ADHD.
With a gentle tap on my phone's screen, my phone flickered and I found myself back to the previous page. I felt a sense if comfort rushing through my body as I glanced at the topic of the article I just read 'ADHD SIGNS IN WOMEN '. I couldn't help but think that this is just a small part of a larger picture. How do I deal with ADHD?,what causes it? How many are there like me? Am I even sure if it is ADHD? And most importantly, how do I help myself?
The thoughts of being different is intriguing, but the hardship of trying to conform to the society is not. I can't help but feel pity for myself, people has always seen me as lazy or stubborn but they don't know how hard it is to juggle fighting with your brain to stay on track and dealing with what life throws your way. I mean it is a very tough battle which for most part I'm loosing.
I can't help but feel jealous of the people living in the developed world. Their doctors there are so advanced so people with my conditions must be receiving optimum care. I cannot fathom the idea of me telling an African doctor about my conditions, I'm sure I will be recommended mental hospital or a deliverance. The thought of this makes me chuckle a little, African doctors are not well equipped In the care of patients. Most wealthyin my country always travel out for ordinary health check ups, not to talk of a complicated case like mine.
"Tiaraoluwa" I was jolted back to reality by the sound of my name. " Ma" I answered as I bolted downstairs, my legs moving fast like an Olympic runner. " It looks like they borrowed your ears...I have been calling you since the dawn" my mother declared. I can't help but think 'classical Nigerian mother '. They always seems to exaggerate things, how can anyone manage to stay shouting for like 10 hours.
" Why were you so rude to the neighbour?". she accused. How do I tell her that I hate people telling me what to do? It makes me confrontational even though I don't know why because I do it on impulse. Not that I don't know why exactly because the article I just finished reading said it was part of ADHD . Who am I to tell her this? She would just think I'm crazy.
" Will you answer me?" Her tone raised. I hanged my head, my eyes cast downward, as I maintained a solemn attitude. I can't tell why, because she would not understand. " You are so proud .....make sure you go back to apologize to her or else I will deal with you" she said sternly. " Yes ma " I replied,not arguing as I walked out of the sitting room towards the balcony to do as she asked me.