All the golden trinkets had been removed from the sarcophagus and laid out on the floor. Most were orbs encrusted with rubies. Some were cubes encrusted with rubies. A few were dodecahedrons… encrusted with rubies.
"That's a lot of fucking rubies," said Bon Bao.
"I guess it's a vampire thing," said Pin Fun.
"Do we know what they do?" asked Bon Bao.
Lady Wu picked up two dodecahedrons and manipulated them skillfully in her palm. It made her look even more like an Ogre Queen than the great big beat stick she held in her other hand.
"Batteries," she said. "They suck spiritual energy out of demons and store it."
"For what?" asked Bon Bao.
"Whatever the occultist who created them had in mind."
"If the Princess is to be believed," said Pin Fun, "the occultist in question was the First Qianqiu Emperor. What he had in mind was binding the God of War."
"Do we believe the Princess?" asked Bon Bao.
"Yes," said Lady Wu.
"Now we have a problem," said Pin Fun. "A big problem."
"But we also have a lot of gold," said a starving student.
"And a lot of rubies," said another. "Won't that help solve problems?"
They looked so cute, Bon Bao wanted to pinch their cheeks.
"Even in Tianming Town," said Pin Fun, "no pawn shop has seen an occult battery crafted by the First Emperor. We won't be able to unload any of this quickly. Because we have them, however, it is theoretically possible that we could unload them. Which means diviners know there's a treasure waiting to be unloaded."
"Which means…?" asked a starving student nervously.
"Someone will hire Sorrow Woe Society to kill us," said Lady Wu.
The starving students did not take that well. Bon Bao embraced as many as he could to offer them support. He insisted thatthey would get through this if everyone worked together. Pin Fun picked up the gold broadsword encrusted with rubies and began to manipulate it. The weapon was nearly as long as the twink was tall, but he twirled it well. The students asked if the sword was a legendary weapon that could defeat the most lethal assassins in the world.
"It is a legendary weapon," said Pin Fun.
"What's its name?" asked Bon Bao.
"It's so old," said Pin Fun, "I doubt anybody remembers."
"We should have asked the Princess," said Bon Bao. "But that blade's too long and thick for one of Jian Peak Abbey's twinks."
Pin Fun tossed the sword away from himself. Students ducked for cover behind Bon Bao. Instead of falling to the floor, however, the weapon orbited Pin Fun in an undulating, hypnotic circle. Gesturing with his arms, Jian Peak Abbey's Number One Flower Knight drew elaborate patterns in the air with the weapon – and then split it into three weapons.
The students applauded.
"The spirit bound to this sword is innately talented," said Pin Fun. "Transmutation enchantments allow it to function as an array. If Sorrow Woe sent one or two assassins, I might be able to defeat them."
Bon Bao began developing suspicions bordering on apprehensions.
"Will they send more than two?" asked a starving student.
"Even two is kind of a lot," observed another.
Pin Fun was silent for a while.
"You're thinking this sword is good enough for Jian Peak Abbot," said Bon Bao.
"Then Jian Peak Abbot can buy it," said Lady Wu.
It was clear that she was also developing suspicions bordering on apprehensions.
"Ironically," said Bon Bao to Pin Fun, "you were the one opposed to coming down here."
The muscle hunk began mentally preparing for a fight. Removing a magic sword from the equation, he could bounce Pin Fun off the room's eight walls. Unfortunately, he saw no obvious way to remove the magic sword. Through his extraordinary sense of feeling, Bon Bao understood that Lady Wu was also getting ready to rumble. What he could not feel were her larger intentions. Bon Bao knew that if a battle broke out between three people on this level, the students would be helpless. He resolved to protect them. After all, the situation was in part his fault. But saving them would be more complicated than throwing punches.
"I was opposed," agreed Pin Fun. "Now, I'm sorry. I must take this sword back to Jian Peak."
"You're abandoning us?" asked a student.
"That's not very righteous," said another. "Jian Peak calls itself the most righteous righteous sect!"
"That's always been bullshit," said Lady Wu. "You have a lot of faith in that sword, punk."
"I'm sorry," repeated Pin Fun. "But I am only taking one thing and leaving all the rest."
He vanished.
An instant later, he reappeared wrapped in glowing filaments and tumbling across the floor. He had almost made it to the exit. Lady Wu snorted. The two gold dodecahedrons in her hand clanked.
"Jian Peak," scoffed the Ogre Queen. "Most pretentious of Sacred Mountain Conclave's sects is more like it. The most useless Abbey in a real fight. Except for its Abbot. You say you're only taking one thing, punk. This is one hoard. We liquidate the hoard – and divide the loot."
Pin Fun spun a dozen blades around himself – severing the strands holding him.
"You can't liquidate it," he said. "There are no buyers."
"You don't know who I am," said Lady Wu, "you worthless little dumbass."
She clenched her hand around the dodecahedrons and punched. A shockwave traveled from her fist toward Pin Fun. Astutely, he chose not to be around when the blast arrived. Even more astutely, he only translocated far enough to avoid being crushed. That motion was too quick to be caught in chains a second time.
Bon Bao encased himself and the students in a bubble of his own force – and rolled everyone to one side of the room. His force techniques were similar to Lady Wu's. Whereas he was first and foremost a boxing prodigy from Gargogryeo, however, he had no doubt Lady Wu was a bona fide member of Dragon Turtle Society – and held high rank.
Pin Fun struck back. Knowing better than to use quick, light weapon metaphors against one of Dragon Turtle's heavies, he formed his magic weapon into two longswords – and materialized his own short sword in one hand.
"By 'divide the loot,'" he said, "you mean Turtle Takes All."
The twink's short, blurring steps were nearly impossible to follow. In addition to his own speed, he materialized shadows around himself as distractions. Lady Wu was not forced to counter each strike, however. Turtles had shells. The Ogre Queen's shell was appropriately big and strong.
Bon Bao hadn't seen anything he couldn't handle yet. But he was not interested in the outcome of the match. His priority was to get the helpless students back to the normal world. The sepulcher, its entrance, and the approach to that entrance were spacious enough for him to move everyone in one bubble.
Lady Wu slammed the butt of her bronze beat stick on the floor, creating a shockwave that filled the octagonal room. Its force blasted back Pin Fun's animated weapons, scattered gold trinkets, and displaced more than a few priceless jade tiles. It would have sent the twink flying too – unless Pin Fun stepped out of reality in time.
Bon Bao was not sure if the twink succeeded, because he was bouncing down the entrance hall. His own force projection techniques were not inferior to the Ogre Queen's. That surprised him a bit, but at least his shell held. He doubted Lady Wu wanted to prevent him from abandoning the field anyway.
He wasn't carrying anything valuable – and neither were any of the students.
The spiral staircase up to the round room with a broken boulder was barely wide enough for his body, let alone his force shells. He sealed the hall behind himself, protecting everyone as they ascended. One more irony became a blessing: Pin Fun had already dealt with the traps. Once back in the mansion's ordinary cellars, Bon Bao got lost. The students knew where to go. They reached the kitchens. The Ogre Queen's helpers wanted to know what was going on.
"The boss and the twink are fighting," said Bon Bao.
"Our little mouse?" asked the cooks.
"The other twink," said Bon Bao. "Our little mouse was abducted by the little girl. In my opinion, we should get the hell out until the dust settles."
The Ogre Queen's helpers discussed how to proceed.
Bon Bao and the students raced upstairs to collect their belongings. Although he hadn't given Lady Wu any reason to hold a grudge against him, there was also no reason to stick around and take chances. Magistrate Berge's words replayed in Bon Bao's ears. An all-out battle between powerful mhoddim practitioners – right next to the Emperor's big rock – would attract heat. A lot of heat.
With his belongings gathered, Bon Bao raced for the front door.
On reflection, that was a stupid move.
No sooner had he set foot in the courtyard than a binding spell much less gentle than the ethereal whips Lady Wu used on Pin Fun slammed him to the cobblestones. Were there always cobblestones in the main courtyard? Bon Bao wasn't sure. He was sure about one thing, though.
The Mithril Guard had arrived.
They wore the kind of spooky outfits assassins and spies wore – only made from small plates of mithril woven together by thread which was also mithril. The Mithril Guard was very shiny. No member of the battalion had a mhoddim component. On the contrary, they had mhoddim antipathy. Their bodies were incapable of channeling the occult magics of the ancient titans. Unlike merely ordinary people, however, anyone with mhoddim antipathy enjoyed resistance to magical effects – particularly those related to the mind.
The Mithril Guard were responsible for putting down reckless mhoddim practitioners. Although they could not use mhoddim techniques, amulets and talismans gave them access to combat formation magic and spells. For most people, using trinkets came with risk. If the trinket was stronger than its user, the user would become the trinket's trinket. Pin Fun would have to contend with that if he relied too much on an ancient vampire king's sword. Anyone with mhoddim antipathy, however, could use even the most powerful trinkets with little to no risk.
That explained the binding spell crushing Bon Bao into cobblestones.
It wasn't so powerful he couldn't break free, however. It was true that he ran away from the fight downstairs. He wanted to save helpless people. He didn't run because he couldn't fight. If he played along with the binding, and timed everything right, he could break the restraints and escape when the Mithril Guard's attention was focused elsewhere. It was a brilliant plan. What could go wrong.
The blade of a heavy glaive lowered passed his eyes.
"Bon Bao greets Goddess of Glaives," said Bon Bao meekly.
"If you weren't my favorite brother-in-law's bubble-bottomed Bon Bao," said the Goddess of Glaives, "this would go badly for you. Because you are my favorite brother-in-law's Bubble Bottom, and for other reasons I won't go into now, if you behave – I'll let you go after a reasonable time."
"Out of curiosity," said Bon Bao, "did the Princess tip you off?"
"Princess?" asked Esmaralde. "Iba Algi? No. I've had my eye on you for a while. But there must be a reason you're asking."
"It's a long story," said Bon Bao.
"You'll have time later," said Esmaralde. "Now I'm going in to make sure this wraps up quickly."
"Bon Bao will wait," he said.
He, Lady Wu, and Pin Fun were formidable; but none of them were on any Top Twenty lists.