The third month passed. Summer was ended, and fall was in full swing. The days were now growing shorter and more bitingly cold. Nevertheless, the Regiment continued their training. Severus continued his early morning practices with Regis, though now his breath frosted whenever he woke up. Gervasius grumbled about aching scars and throbbing bones. "It's gonna be a harsh one, Sev," he said. Severus prayed he was wrong; he hated the cold.
One morning, as they all sat around eating hot breakfast, John took to the platform. BONG!! BONG!! BONG!! They all groaned. Severus shoved a large spoonful into his mouth hurriedly, but Regis slowed him.
"Something's up," he said quietly. "It's too early." As he said this, John motioned for them to sit.
"Breakfast is not done yet, my friends," the Olander reassured them. A collective sigh of relief sounded, and John chuckled. "But we do have news; news that all of you should bear in mind." That made them stir.
"Well, dahn't keep us 'n suhspense now, yah great, floppy-eared crit!" Max shouted. They all laughed, and John motioned for quiet. His face quickly turned serious.
"Our spies have alerted us that the Wolves are readying an attack," he announced. Murmurs scattered like ants through the tables. John motioned again for quiet.
"Currently, they won't have enough troops and supplies for another two or three months. By that time, winter will be in, and neither they nor us will be able to do much more than skirmish. Our intel says they plan to attack as soon as the first thaw of spring sets in. In other words, around five months. Maybe four." Severus felt his scruff stiffen in excitement and fear. A battle! At last, a battle!! But why would John tell them now? John silenced them once more and took a deep breath before speaking.
"The Regiment has been ordered to act as the vanguard for the defenses of Olander City. Per the order of the Hero, Lord Commander Sharif, this battle is to be the Regiment's debut!"
Absolute silence.
Severus's mouth went dry. "By the Four Immortals!" he whispered. "The front lines!" Max's hand gripped his shoulder suddenly, and he fumbled for the hare's arm and squeezed it in reply. He glanced over to see Max's eyes gleaming with a ferocious light. He looked eager. Severus didn't understand it. All he really felt was dread.
"Get ready!" John's warning cut through his worry. The Olander glared fixedly at each of them in turn. "Until the battle, we are going to train even more relentlessly. Starting today, we will alternate between individual duels and mock battles against each other. You will have two more assessments before the battle. On the last, i will select your Lieutenant Commanders, and then no other rank will be given. Now...." He drew in a deep breath.
"GET TO ITH!" he bellowed. Everyone immediately jumped up and milled around. Severus hastily scooped porridge into his mouth before sprinting off for the morning run. He felt certain his life was about to get much more miserable.
Unfortunately, Severus was right: the next two weeks were grueling. Now, instead of the obstacle course and game of tag, they were split into two-sometimes three--groups to hold mock battles in the nearby woods. Equipped with pack and gear and thrown into a variety of scenarios that ranged from staged battles like the one that was now staring them down the shaft to ambushes while completely off guard. Gervasius also drafted a new watch schedule to get them used to catching a few hours of sleep to fight on. It was dull, and rough, and absolutely barbaric, but Severus stuck it out. He was even able to squeeze in some more training when he was paired with Regis or Max, who had made it his personal quest to refine Severus's brawling skills. But the nights steadily grew longer and colder, heralding the approach of winter, and Severus felt no better prepared for the coming fight.
Worst of all, the cold seemed to sour not only Severus's mood, but Silvermane's, Kris's, and Bryce's as well. The three tirelessly antagonized the lower ranks, even though Severus was technically over Bryce. They demanded preferential treatment and would threaten punishment or even expulsion from the Regiment if their tasks were completed. When they met resistance, they would counter with force, resulting in more than a few fights that left everyone battered and bleeding the next morning. John, of course, noticed and made several reminders that they were all the same rank--except for the top four--and that fighting amongst the ranks was strictly prohibited. Nonetheless, Silvermane continued his crusade against those he deemed weak, and Severus did his best to avoid notice.
However, he did notice one oddity: Maryam. Severus stared at her from across the evening campfire one evening as she chatted with Roshni. He had the strangest suspicion that he was being paired with Maryam more and more. When they made their morning run, there she was greeting him and keeping pace beside him. When they went through the obstacle course, there she was racing alongside him. When they held practice bouts, there she was across him, testing his reflexes and agility. He still didn't like hitting her, and he still could barely look her in the eye without his heart hammering and face flushing. But now he took the openings he found and tried to strike, even if most of them were blocked. He recalled the first time he had managed to actually land a solid blow through her defenses, which had knocked her off-balance and out of rhythm. She had positively beamed at him. It made the butterflies in his stomach go absolutely crazy.
"Wotcha lookin' aht, laddo?" Max peered over just as Maryam glanced over. Severus blushed and gave a small wave. She smiled and waved back, which only made him blush harder and bury his nose in his supper. Max also waved and then focused on Severus. "Why nah jus' ask 'er? Cannaw be ahny moore painful than this."
Severus shook his head. "I'm not here to find a mate," he muttered.
"Dahs tha' mean yeh cannah find one all th' same?" Max countered. Severus had to agree, but still he hesitated. Max shrugged and, stifling a yawn, bid him good night. Many of the other members were doing the same, stumbling off to their warm beds and blankets. Severus knew he wouldn't sleep, not right now, anyway. As he watched, Maryam rose and said her good-nights.
As if possessed, Severus stood up and quietly followed her. He sped up his pace to catch up with her when he noticed she wasn't going back to her barracks. In fact, she had passed them entirely, moving deeper into the rows of barracks. His desire melted to curiosity.
Where was she going? he thought. On instinct, he dropped to the halfcrouch Gervasius had been drilling into their heads to walk stealthily if the need arose. "/t never hurts to have too many weapons in one's arsenal," he had said. "Especially stealth!" Quiet as he could, Severus crept after Maryam. She snaked her way through the barracks, shying away from lit doors and windows and flitting from shadow to shadow. Though not nearly as graceful or quick as her, somehow Severus kept pace with her. Twice, she glanced back, forcing him to freeze with bated breath until she at last turned away and kept moving.
At last, she came to small house and glanced around. Severus ducked behind a nearby barracks. He held his breath and then peeked to see her slip inside. He slipped forward, looking over the unfamiliar building. It wasn't a barrack; it was built with better materials and stood away from the rest of them. Severus frowned as he sidled up to the side. Then he saw the insignia on the door: the mark of an officer.
His stomach plummeted. He knew the symbol, but for the life of him couldn't place where he knew it. What was Maryam doing here? Light caught his attention. The side window--probably to the downstairs office-was suddenly illuminated. His curiosity gnawing through his apprehension, he silently sidled up to it. Voices drifted through. Against his own judgement, he stiffened his ears and listened.
"--don't know if even half of them will make it through this first battle." Maryam's voice was tight with concern. A familiar chuckle responded.
"That is why we constantly train, even when the Centiget a break. | want even the worst, half-baked soldier we've cooked up to stand above even the elite of the Army." Severus clapped his hand over his mouth, cutting off his own gasp. Itwas John. Now he could remember the insignia: it had decorated the identification band on John's arm the day they first met.
"I'm worried about some of the bottom rankers." Maryam snapped Severus out of his revelry. She was worried about him? It made his heart both swell and deflate at the same time. There was an answering sigh.
"Lizard is more capable than the test scores suggest. He is quick, powerful, and has a unique ability that makes him nigh indestructible. Leo is fast improving his physical traits, and his magic skills are on par with some of the most powerful wizards in the whole Empire. Roshni is strong; she just needs better coordination, and | believe you have been helping her with that, correct, my dear?" Severus stiffened.
"My dear"?
"And Severus?" Maryam asked, ignoring John's praise. "And Bryce?" Severus's heart pounded. There was silence.
"Both have great potential," John said quietly. "Bryce needs control. He has strength, skill, everything; all he needs is to be able to harness it. Like Silvermane learned to."
"Silvermane has control?" Maryam retorted scathingly.
"Mary, Mary," John sighed. "| know he still has issues, but he is both loyal and strong. The other issues can be dealt with in time." There was another long pause. "and what about Severus?" More silence.
"He is good," John said. "So close to very good, even greatness. But he lacks something, and, until he figures out what, he will simply struggle. Once he figures it out, however, he could be the best out there."
"If he figures it out," Maryam scoffed. "If he doesn't figure it out before the battle, he'll most likely--."
"Enough." There was the creak of furniture and the sound of footsteps. "Did you come here as my probationary Lieutenant Commander Maryam, or as Mary?" Silence. "Mary," Severus barely heard. She had whispered it.
"Then there's no need to pretend there's another reason to see me," John said gently. "These are good things to discuss, but we can discuss them later. Right now, let's just be Joe and Mary." There was a noise that Severus couldn't identify. Joe? Mary?! What's going on?! Spurred on to greater recklessness, Severus craned his neck and snuck a peek inside.
The office was well-furnished, tasteful yet simple. The walls were a comfortable cream color, and the floor was gleaming oak planks. Contrary to the one at John's family home, this one was neat and well-kept. There was a desk with a chair behind it, a couple of easy chairs before it, and two couches facing each other with a low table between them. A crimson rug with white designs printed on it was under the table.
And in the middle of the room was John and Maryam, holding tight to one another, their faces pressed together.
Severus dropped down instantly. His mind was a complete blank. Spots blossomed before his eyes. He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. Thena single thought: Maryam likes John. No, that was wrong.
Maryam loves John.
Silently, he stumbled away, feeling his heart ache. /t was just a silly crush, he chided himself. A stupid, childish crush! You should have either acted on it or forgotten it. It means nothing. But his thoughts stopped neither the pain in his chest nor the tears that flowed down his cheeks when he slipped into his bunk, under his covers, and into a dreamless, inky sleep.
Severus awoke to the sound of the first bell. He'd slept through his morning practice, but he didn't care. A black melancholy had gripped him, and bad thoughts swirled through his head like dirty water down a drain. He staggered to the showers and let the icy water pour over his head until his skin was numb. He barely registered it. The sting on his skin now matched the sting in his heart. He tried to set it aside, tried to think of training and the upcoming battle. It didn't work. He walked to the kitchen and picked up a bowl of berries. He plopped down in his usual seat and picked at his food. It was tasteless to him. He felt a slap on his shoulder.
"Mahrnin', laddo!!" Max said cheerfully. Severus grunted, which threw Max off his groove. The Hare stared at Severus. "Yeh alright, bucko?"
"Fine," Severus mumbled. There was a loud clatter as a new bowl slammed
into the table. Severus glanced up. "You missed practice this morning," Regis snapped.
"Sorry,' Severus replied, popping a blueberry into his mouth. "Couldn't even wake up till the morning bell. It's fine."
Regis struck the table with his fist, upsetting all their bowls. "You don't get to say it's fine," he said fiercely. "You asked me to help you. You did. If you aren't going to put in the time, then forget it."
"Thanks for your help," Severus replied sarcastically. "I miss one, and you cut me? Forget it, then." He shoved his bowl away even as Regis stiffened, his eyes narrowing. Severus stood, still feeling foul. "I guess you don't have to waste your time with a deadbeat like me then. Good luck taking the top spots."
Regis's and Max's mouths dropped open as Severus strode away and began the morning's run, even before John had rung the bell for it. He didn't care. After all, what was the point? What had really changed for him in the last few months?
And for the first time since he met John, Severus felt the old, comforting, and familiar knife-twist of self-loathing plunge into his gut.