Shirley's POV
I honestly tried not to listen. However, their voices were as clear as day as they floated through the walls of the pack house. Every council member's voice I recognized was discussing the same subject that had been circulating for weeks: Eric's quest for a Luna.
"Eric needs someone strong, someone who can handle the weight of leadership," one of the elders said. I could almost feel the heads nodding during the silence. "Our pack deserves a capable Luna."
My heart fell. I had a gut feeling this was real. I was neither the smartest nor the strongest. Even yet, knowing that they never even thought of me as a possibility stung. Leaning against the wall, I forced myself to be silent and unnoticed.
Eric's voice broke the muttering. Calm, steady. "I won't make this choice hastily. The pack needs a support system and someone who genuinely understands them.
A tiny glimmer of hope ignited within me. Nobody knew the pack as well as I did. Perhaps, just possibly, he would notice that as well.
With a tentative tone, one of the more senior council members spoke up once more. "Eric, do you have any candidates in mind?"
My heart pounded as Eric hesitated.
"No," he said. "Not yet."
I let out a breath, feeling torn between optimism and sorrow like a leaf in the wind. Perhaps I still have a chance. Perhaps, just possibly, he might see someone deserving in me. Holding that small glimmer of hope in my heart, I left before I could hear anything more.
The packed house was filled with a raucous, vibrant, and exuberant celebration. Everyone's mood was lifted by the music, talk, and laughing that filled the air well, everyone but me. I inhaled deeply and braced myself. I would make one final attempt to prove my abilities to Eric tonight. I was aware of the dangers. Everyone would see if he threw me out. However, I was prepared to take that risk.
Across the room, I could see Eric chatting with some of the younger pack members. Everyone was drawn to him because of his imposing presence and glowing confidence. To dispel the knot in my gut, I swallowed. Shirley, just have courage.
I took a deep breath and, despite my heart thumping against my chest, I walked over with steady feet.
"Eric?" I answered, smiling hopefully at him.
I noticed a glimmer of astonishment when he looked down at me. Then his face became icy and uninterested. "Shirley. What are you looking for?
Even though the words hurt, I persisted. "Maybe I could help," I thought. I mean, I'm well-versed in the pack
"Aid?" He interrupted me with a laugh that made me feel insignificant. You're scarcely able to manage yourself, Shirley. Why do you believe you can manage to become a Luna?
Now, several other pack members had turned to see, their amused, inquisitive gaze. His comments caused a sting that ran through me, causing my face to flush.
"I... I only reasoned that perhaps if you allowed me the chance, I could
He interrupted once more, saying, "You're just a background player, Shirley." "You're not strong. Furthermore, I have no tolerance for weakness.
I could feel everyone's eyes on me, condemning and discarding me, and my chest constricted. I averted my gaze, my eyes stinging with tears. I left the main area and moved into the shadows, walking as quickly as I could without running.
I was just about halfway down the corridor when I was interrupted by a derisive voice.
"Shirley, was that not quite the moment of glory you were hoping for?"
I could tell who it was without having to look. Elara. She spoke in a way that always had a tinge of arrogance as if she were better than everyone else. She was leaning against the wall, smiling mischievously, as I turned around.
"Elara, what do you want?" I asked, attempting to control my shaking voice.
"Oh, nothing. I just thought I'd give you some advice," she said sarcastically as she stepped forward. By now, you ought to be aware of your position. Eric needs a capable, powerful Luna by his side. And you will never be like that.
I clenched my hands, keeping from her how much her comments hurt. "You're unaware of that. Individuals are subject to change.
She made a scornful, icy chuckle. "Shirley, people like you don't change. It's in your blood to be weak. And if you believe Eric might ever think of you... "Then you're even more pathetic than I thought," she said, leaning in close and lowering her voice to a hoarse whisper.
I was unable to answer, so I didn't. My heart was a knotted jumble of hurt and rage, and my throat was constricted. I saw her stroll back toward the group, a smug smile on her face as she turned away.
I walked to the boundary of the pack's area in the chilly night air. After what had transpired, I was unable to face anyone. Eric's comments kept repeating in my head, each one penetrating farther and leaving my heart with agonizing scars.
"Weak, barely capable..."
I tried to contain the pain by putting my arms around myself. Although I was aware of my shortcomings, I had hoped that perhaps he might be able to see past them. Perhaps he might find something valuable in me.
I let the tears fall down my cheeks without bothering to wipe them away. I didn't care at the time, and no one was around to witness my vulnerability.
"Why... why is he unable to see me?" I spoke softly to the quiet trees. "Why is he blind to my feelings?"
However, I already knew the answer in my heart. I was blind to my value, therefore he was blind to it. I had been the outcast and the pack's jester for a very long time. I would have allowed myself to think I was nothing more.
The idea of Eric picking someone else someone he believed deserving, someone other than me as his Luna broke my heart. I shakily exhaled and clenched my arms around my body.
Then, like a heartbeat, I sensed the connection, little but present. My relationship with Eric. I couldn't get rid of him, no matter how much he pushed me away. It was a part of me, and the more I tried to ignore it, the stronger it became.
Regardless of his opinion of me, I knew I would always be connected to him. Pride or wounded sentiments were of little concern to the relationship. As solid as the earth beneath my feet, it was there.
However, I heard footsteps behind me as soon as that awareness set in.
With my heart racing, I turned to see Eric standing there, staring at me with a look that was impossible to read.
There was silence between us for a moment. Despite everything he had said, I nearly gave up hope once more. However, his voice was icy and decisive when he eventually spoke.
"Shirley," he remarked in a steely tone. "I won't pick you. You will never be my Luna, in my opinion.
No razor could cut as deeply as his words. My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Nothing remained to say, nothing to hold out hope for.
Eric took a step forward, his eyes fixed on him. "I require a leader to be at my side. Someone who will not be a liability and is strong. And you're not that.
I let out a tiny, fragmented sound, but he didn't recoil. He had made up his mind and was as determined as ever.
"Shirley, you must move on," he urged in a gentler but no less resolute tone. "Because I have already."
I was left standing by myself on the chilly night as he turned and left.
As he disappeared into the shadows, his last words echoed in my mind, leaving my heart in pieces. He would choose someone "worthy" to be Luna. Someone who wasn't me.