But can you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me...From today was a fairy tale.
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I've always found crowds overwhelming, akin to the weight of a crown. The attention they bring feels aimless, like an endless, hollow laugh. My comfort used to lie in the company of my two friends and the one who shattered my heart.
But he never did like me hanging around his comrades. What a perfect fit, wasn't it?
Yet, I often pondered his reasons; he claimed I was too precious to share, coloring my cheeks with feelings of being cherished. And now it makes me wonder if I was really that treasured or just an embarrassment to be paraded among his cool friends.
Being among the crowd now has me going bipolar with my emotions. I had too many colorful feelings, one of which was a kaleidoscope of excitement followed by sudden deflation, like a balloon losing its air.
It was a constant roller coaster of highs and lows, leaving me unsure of what I was truly feeling. I wished to fit in with them. Have fun like it was my last. I once thought the masses were the problem—too many pretenses, much like the green-haired girl who seems to relish her devilish schemes against me.
And then she spoke…
"Okay, Angel…" Her words drip with venom, commanding the room's attention—a devil indeed.
"If you are her angel, then what is she to you?" and there it was again. My emotions, taking the color gray like my nerves and my state.
It was one thing for me to answer the question because I had the reigns and could not allow it to rain on my parade. I had control over my own feelings and could choose how to react. But it was another thing entirely for him to answer. That would mean that I would lose control, and I couldn't afford that.
The mere thought set off alarms in my mind—a brief spark that ignited internal chaos. 'Stay calm,' I chanted internally, seeking refuge from the turmoil within.
I AM the archer of my life; control is MY anchor, my shield, and my knife. But now I feel like prey—so vulnerable, exposed, hunted, and afraid. My control seemed to be sipping; unknowingly, I had given him the power to unravel me.
What will he say? What will his response be? Whatever the answer, it was not going to be comfortable at all.
I tried to calm down, but it was a fight with a vociferous opponent. How on earth can you fight a battle within? When will my feelings prove to be my nemesis? So I did one thing I could: I wonder far, meditate my mind to nullity, to perceive no thoughts but acuity, much safer in the laconism.
Numbness—the perfect salve for heart, soul, body, and mind—shields me from turmoil and unstable emotions.
"She…" He started, and I tried to maintain the numbness—the iciness around my heart.
"She is my favorite person—my lavender." and the ice melted and thawed like it was never there.