What even is the meaning of life, is it the drive to make money, is it family? But all this would be gone once we die, the money we once had… useless. The family we once had would move on with their own life after grieving for one or two weeks.
Everything is useless after death right?
Some people might say love is the meaning of life but I don't see it that way, love is just the primal instincts of humankind to reproduce… That doesn't show why we live.
In my days I have watched a bunch of anime and manga, where the main character gets thrown into a new world after death and in that world they are able to find the true meaning in what they live for.
Bad luck but life isn't a manga or anime, harsh reality strikes. I am just your average high school student, not good looking, not popular, but I Jin Kano is happy.
Or not.
Everyday I wake up the same, I go to school the same, I leave the same. It seems life is just infinitely cycling within the same space over and over again. But these days, it feels different.
For quite a long time I never seemed to be able to grasp the concept of human emotions no matter what others tell me, it just seemed blank, maybe because I never had feelings and kept my distance with everyone, or maybe it was because nobody really stood out to me. But ever since this new girl Kuroi-san came to my class and started sitting next to me, it felt different. I still wake up the same, go to school the same. But ever since she came it felt different, it felt new.
Being the group of students people call otakus I wasn't popular, I wasn't getting new friends every two weeks or so. But I wouldn't say I was lonely by all means. Like the protagonists of some rom-coms I had a group of very loyal friends. They were all like me, unpopular and obsessed with one thing or another.
Today I woke up and had my usual breakfast. Went out of the house and started the loop that is my life once again. Everything seems to be going the same, saying good morning to the local store-owners, putting my materials into my locker. As I went into the classroom and looked around I sensed something was off. Looking over at the students all crouched down and looking afraid, I became worried. I couldn't figure out what I was worried about until I saw the masked man with a gun pointing it at the desk next to mine.
Even though I know that I am a mere unarmed student, in other words a weakling, seeing the scenario I felt a responsibility to jump in front, like if in a video game my setting was automated to do that.
"Is that care? Is that love?" I wondered as I ran up front and knocked the handgun out of the masked man's hand.
Before becoming the anime obsessed nerd I am now, I was once taught how to defend myself, learning 6 different forms of martial arts from my granddad, from fencing to swordfighting to karate and judo. In the 8 years he teached me I mastered all of them.
I became the strongest, able to beat full grown men with ease. I have no doubt at that point in time I was one of the strongest in japan, maybe even in the world.
But does martial arts even allow one to escape from death's outstretched arms.
My gran was the strongest martial artist I knew, one that I can't confidently say I could beat.
But even him, as he got older he too became weak and died.
That was already 2 years ago. Back then I was devastated, isolating myself from all that reminds me of him including martial arts. I grew up with my Gran, I have never seen my old man ever and my ma died when I was little so I dont have much memory of her either. Grandpa was my only family I knew, he raised me since I was little.
I was always fond of gran, he always supported me no matter how unrealistic the goal is. After he died I became isolated with no one to go to for support, I felt weak and useless. And I even begged the gods for the answer to my question.
Now thinking back what even was my question.
Not getting an answer I left all of that behind and started a new life, creating a new persona. Isolated and emotionless. Having this new style of an infinitely looping life as basically an NPC got me over the grief I faced after he died.
To prevent myself from falling into the same rabbit hole ever again I distanced myself from everyone putting everyone at arm's length. In the short time of 2 years I forgot what love is, what human emotion is and what I am even living for.
But once I saw Kuroi-san at the start of the year… I felt something I have never felt before, an urge to protect her like what I couldnt do for gran.
After 2 years of not practicing, my body has become rusty and sloppy but my skills are still there. As the gun flew across the classroom and hit the wall with a clank. The students in my classroom ran out all at once, still locked in a motion of shock and fright. Kuroi-san stared blankly as the fist fight between me and the masked man began.
From my 8 years of experience I easily gained the advantage in the fist fight against the masked man. launching punch after punch and not allowing any space for the man to counter my attacks.
In our world there are only two factors that can influence true fighting prowess of a person, one is physical abilities and second is equipment. Without too many factors to consider, fighting is easy in this world.
As I grabbed a chair from one of the desks in order to knock out the masked man, as I raised the chair high above my head to gain the maximum amount of momentum, I felt a sharp pain in my guts.
My chair swings down.
Bang…
Bashing right onto the head of the man, knocking him unconscious.
Looking down at the sharp pain, I felt a gooey substance on my hand as it reached for my stomach area, A liquid bright red and glistening reflecting the beautiful sunlight from outside. Looking at the blooded hand I realised I forgot the second factor of determining fighting prowess, me being so focused on finishing off the man I exposed a vital spot and was punished by a stab to the guts.
"Was it my emptied wasted time? Was it my rusty body?" I thought to myself as I began bleeding out.
As I collapse onto the floor right in front of Kuroi-san. Before losing consciousness I saw her expression go from shock to worry as she ran up to me and held my hand.
I felt warm, a sense of home I didn't feel after gran died.
All is blank and pure white.
As I wondered to myself "Did I die?"
Putting my hand down to my guts to check if the blood was still there…
No, it wasn't, my body was healed and I felt light as if my body weight was non-existent.
I started Looking around the empty white space and I thought to myself "Is this what happens after death?"
"What happened to the masked man…? What happened to Kuroi-san… I understand it, finally I understand what is care, the true meaning of life… To protect the ones who are dear, to give your all to defend them from harm. That is love." The longing for the answer of the meaning of life, simply put there is none, the purpose of life was just to protect, care and give all to the ones you truly love, that is all life is. A short story in which you are without a true purpose or meaning.
As the words flow through my mind. A brief flash of something, unable to be described by words, something so beautiful, the closest wording I can use is that it seemed like the true essence of the universe.
For that brief moment I felt like I had space itself within the grasp of my palm. Only for that brief moment I was able to feel what true power was.
It was blurry all the sudden, like a layer of thick mist was covering my eyes.
I blinked trying to remove the blur.
As I closed my eyes, all was dark.
It seemed as if I moved spaces during the brief second of darkness. A feeling of moving so fast, like how your body feels when on a rollercoaster at the theme park.
As I opened my eyes again, I see myself in an unfamiliar place, a dimly lit alleyway, this place wasn't Kyoto…
"Where am I?"