FREE WRITING

It comes to me that I love people who had substance and depth. I never expect to love a filipina celevrity, toni gonzaga. It came out of nowhere. I hate watching filipino rom-coms because I think it's cheesy. Yes, I am judgemental and lack open-mindedness to see it for myself. The universe has a funny way on surprising you some lessons to be learned or a person to look up to. Toni G has been given to me by the universe to see that we share the same similarities in terms of our personality and interests. When I am obsessed to a certain person, I study and learn about the person thru astrology and psychology. That's my thing. If you share the same similarities and hobbies, once it clicked, it gave you a sense of high of "Oh my god, I'm not alone in this world" or "finally a someone to look up and idolize into". That's how I feel about toni G. Actually, we were both an introvert with extrovert qualities when needed to be. I remember her interviews, saying that whe she figured it out she's an introvert. She became much more self-aware and confident on owning who she is. Most of her videos, when she speaks, it is full of wisdom. You will listen to her intently and there's depth to it. You're yearning to know more. I would say very rare to have a celebrity who is both talented, intelligent and spirtual. This is the traits that I would like to embody within myself. I just adore her and respect her. Whenever I needed a motivation and discpline to motivate myself. I always replay her interviews. There's wisdom in there where you can apply it to yourself and you'll see the changes within yourself. Nobody would be like toni g. She's only her. What I loved about them she and her sister mirror the exact personality of my brother. The changes are my brother is an extrovert and myself is an introvert. I remember the time where I am so jealous of my brother's success. This is the time I' m not that fully healed with myself. I envy the life that he has (he's happy with his work at small clothing line business). Here I am, just stucked here at the bpo world not knowing what my purpose really is. I knew within myself, I need to change things. The only problem is what are the systems that I need to do? Do I have specific role models to copy/intimitate? As INFJs, we're the rarest personality type with a total of 2%. The world can be really lonely. What I learned about so far towards personal growth is it's a matter of perspective. It's how you look at things. We always have a free-will. It is our choice if we choose being negative or positive. This applies on how we see ourselves as an introvert. Because the society itself feed us negative biases such as we are depressed, anti-social, unusually different and shy. Our society loves the extroverted ones in terms of their social skills, high energy, fun to be with. They quickly gathered with their thought "this person will truly succeed in life" "he/she so amazing". I am not discriminating them. We are uniquely perfect in our own way. We have different strengths and weaknesses. I am not saying the other one is better than the other. It's just we were designed to be unique...not the same. I just realized instead of comparing myself to others, I filled my energy cup prioririzing what matters to me. I slowly but surely reducing the need to people please. I way more a people pleaser than my whole life. In the end, I was the one who suffers and build resentment to others. Which is an unhealthy. I took advices from an infj life coach. Her name is wenzes. Im not the type of person who usually listen to podcasts. Because it makes me sleepy. But there's a part of me, want it to try. Upon listening, i feel so good hearing it. I feel powerful and confident. Which is rare to feel.