Now with my parents' story out of the way, it's time for my story.
I was able to see and understand my surroundings when I was 8 months old... in the womb.
It's a tad traumatic to see your own birth, but I always felt like it wasn't that serious, nothing really was, I felt hollow since the moment I was born, the moment I witnessed the love confession the black dragon gave to Gina, I knew that I can never relate to their feelings in anyway in my lifetime.
I was always indifferent, nothing made me smile, or cry, hence, people laughed at the irony that my name means gloomy in Japanese, China was a different country back then, and no one liked the fact my mother was a foreigner bastard and my father had hundreds of wives before her, who he only married just to get around being accused of sodomy.
My mother, Gina, kept reassuring me that the past shouldn't cloud our judgement, people change, and forgiveness is a must, but I never believed her, the black dragon doesn't seem like a person deserving of mercy, or even closure, yet she was infatuated by him like they are newlyweds, he of course loves her with equal passion if not more, but he despises me.
My mother also said that I was a miracle, the one that brought them together, and made us a happy family, yet, never once was his gaze warm, as if it was meant to ward me off, as if he knew something I didn't, that was, until it happened.
I wasn't religious, and I certainly didn't want to follow our temple, yet I still prayed and practiced the religion, because that's the only thing connecting me to my mother.
My mom is a shaman, she is really fond of the temple and one of the most devout followers, since I am not like other kids, who are lively and humorous, I do as she does, to become special in her eyes, she always flaunts around how I am the most wise and religious kid in our village, and the village folks really adored me for it as well, I loved the mask I've had on, so I turned the mask into a costume I promised to never take off, when I trip and hurt myself like the other kids, instead of crying, I'll pray, when I'm about to sleep, instead of a bedtime story, I revise some psalms, I've grown attached to my mother, and the people who were by me, admiring me, I also grew fond of them, almost every lady in the village wanted me to call her auntie or nanna, even old men wanted me to call them grandpa or uncle, everyone loved me, except the black dragon, who seemed to resent me even more.
One day, I became sick, an illness similar to no other, vomiting, coughing, stuffy nose, mental disorientation, I had strong yet irrelevant symptoms, all the village came to pray for me, except children and not so faithful people, even the crown prince came to our home,
He was known for being mean and never indulging with common people and poor villages, but he once heard of a child from a home with a bad past, who grew to be the most devout worshiper in her village, yet she was still a kid, he happened to be intrigued, so he pretended to be a commoner and put his pride aside just to fulfill his curiosity, he met her, and was fond of her, and I was the cause of his change of heart, making him indulge with commoners and talk with them like they are his people, but he must've been distraught when he heard of my illness.
He pushed everyone aside, even my own parents, just so he can be nearest to me, he held my hand, whispering prayers and wiping my face with a cold towel, he decided to speak to me.
-Poor child, can you hear me?
-Indeed my lord, what brought you to my humble abode?
-I wanted to see you, dear child, what caused you to be this ill?
-My lord, ask the lord, for I will never know as much as he does
-Indeed, poor child, you speak wisdom even in your sickness.
-My lord, do not speak of my wisdom, for it won't reach our lord's wisdom
-Indeed, poor child, do you feel your end near?
-My lord, do not ask me what the lord only knows
-Apologies, poor child.
-My lord, why apologize to a poor child like I?
-Poor child, you aren't different from I, if I could, I would take you as mine when you become of age.
-My lord, only our lord knows if I'll grow to become of age.
-Indeed, poor child, your wisdom surpasses mine, despite my age.
-Yet my lord, you are superior, it's an honor to have you visit me personally.
-Please, poor child, call me by my name.
-My lord, I shouldn't, a mere commoner like me wouldn't dare to.
-Kurai, please call me by my name, for you are my lord, you are what makes me weak.
-If you insist, sir Qinglan.
It didn't really feel like much, I did appreciate his gesture, I don't know if he did it out of pity or genuine interest, but everyone who saw it was moved to tears, well of course, except the black dragon, he asked me telepathically to tell everyone to leave, the house was too small for the rest of the village that was waiting at the door to see me, but I was weak, frail and tired, I wondered if the black dragon will ever come to terms with me being his daughter, will he ever love me even half as much as my mother, for the first time, I felt like I hated my fate, as if the god I was working for didn't like me, and gave me such a distant father, all these thoughts were wrecking my mind, I grabbed the sleeve of the crown prince, tears in my eyes, and said in a whisper like hoarse voice.
-My lord...
-I insist, call me by my name.
-Sir Qinglan.
-Yes child?
-When I become of age, I also want you to take me as yours, for you are my only refuge.
The room got quiet, before the crown prince suddenly pulled me in a tight embrace, weeping, the room also got filled with sounds of sobs and weeps, yet, the black dragon was still looking at me with disdain.
By sunset, everyone left, except the crown prince, who sat by my side as my mother tended to me, he would often insist that she goes to rest so he can tend to me himself, I was tired and couldn't talk to him or open my eyes, he kept telling me stories, about the wars he fought, the lives he saved, he rambled on about things that don't concern me, yet, it was endearing, I felt like I wanted him near, forever, I longed for him more than I longed for my own mother, I wanted to grant him one wish, if I was able to make him happy, I would, but all I have are some sappy prayers.
As he was wiping my face, I grabbed his hand and made it cup my cheek and whispered:
"May god bless you, and grant you your greatest wishes"
I was too tired to open my eyes, but I could hear him sniffling and holding back on crying, it was a happy moment for me, that is, until the black dragon came.
-You overstayed your welcome.
-Excuse me?
-You heard me, what, are you surprised that a poor commoner is kicking you out?
-That's fine, you don't seem too happy, maybe your daughter's illness is stressing you out.
-You want to know a secret? I couldn't care less if that bitch dies.
-I'm sorry, what!?
-You heard me, she is just trouble, ever since she was born, her mother treated her as if she was some miracle and coddled her to the extreme, I can't have some time with my wife alone.
-Ah, I see, you are the man who married a hundred women to fulfill his lust and avoid being convicted of sodomy.
-It seems that story made it to the empire.
-Well how about a compromise.
-I know what you are thinking, and I refuse.
-You don't want her, what stops you from giving her to someone who wants her, besides, I am not lusting over her, she is to brilliant to be involved in lust, I'm fond of her, that's all.
-I know, and I don't care, her mother is attached to her, if I give her away she might hate me for the rest of her life.
-What warrants such ridiculous ideology?
-I love my wife, but she loves her child more than her husband.
-What are you? a cat?
-I am the black dragon, the destined prophet of the temple.
-How can I believe you?
-I couldn't care less, but I promise, if she got in my way, her body will be discovered in the river.
-What brute would promise to kill their child?
-The black dragon.
The crown prince seemed anxious, the tension seemed thick, you could almost cut it with a blade, he caressed my hair before leaving, I could sense the black dragon staring at me with his frustrated gaze.
-Your knight in shining armor left, he didn't fight for you.
-Good for him, I know you would curse him if he did.
-To think the crown prince himself would call you his lord, you got him on a leash.
-What do you want? you would never bother to come to my room unless you have something to say
-Interesting, so, I want to tell you that what you have is just a development illness.
-I don't get it.
-It appears that you share similar powers with me, you are bound to become a dragon by tomorrow.
-Okay, is it really that simple?
-No, well, yes, but I won't allow you.
-What do you mean?
Suddenly, my heart hurts so much, I feel weak, weaker than before, I was on the verge of fainting when he suddenly grabbed me from my bed, dragging me on the floor like a cleaning rag, he opened the door and threw me out, all he said was "if you live, I'll let you live" as if it was a privilege, I kept screaming and knocking on the door, and I gave up because of the pain in my heart, it wasn't a symptom, I knew for some reason that he cursed me, but why, why was my mother so loving and affectionate, while my father was the reason I hated living.
I walked away, I knew that if I stayed at the doorstep, he would only cause me trouble, as I walked away, it started to rain heavily, it was summer, it can't possibly rain like that, I knew that he had something to do with it, but I was too weak to do anything about it, suddenly, I saw a red moon, I don't know what came over me, I was terrified, I fell to my knees, and put my hands together, and did the only thing I ever knew.
-Dear god, I don't know what's up with my life, I did good, I did better than him, but I'm in pain, aren't I your loyal servant my lord, please spare me some of your mercy.
-I guess even Kurai has some time like this when her faith shakes
I turn around to see the crown prince
-My lord! why are you here?
-I told you to call me by my name, I really was serious about it.
-Okay, sir Qinglan.
-Just Qinglan.
-Qinglan, why are you here? I thought you went home, it's raining, why are you here?
-I should go, but I felt upset about how I couldn't help you, for some reason I couldn't fight him back, I'm the crown prince for god's sake.
-Qinglan, please, go home, or even to an inn, you might get sick.
-What about you, you seem in a terrible state.
-I can manage.
Suddenly, the moment I said that, I fell on my face, passing out, I cant hear, I can't talk, all my senses are distorted, the only thing I could do was hold tightly onto what's holding me back, before losing consciousness.
I woke up in a dark damp place, I was wrapped in a wet blanket, no, a wet towel of sorts, it's cozy, but I feel slippery, what's going on, I feel different.
I open my eyes and look up, I'm in the crown prince's lap, why? but more importantly, why does he look giant, he was asleep, my body feels different, yet it felt like I always knew how to navigate through it, I slipped away from his gentle grasp, only to see a mirror.
What I saw wasn't something I really expected, I was a small dragon, the size of a cat, but I didn't look like my father, more like a Chinese dragon, what's going on? I knew the black dragon was serious when he said it, but why am I different?
Suddenly, I felt something pet me, it's the crown prince, instead of being scared, he was smiling warmly at me.
-Kurai, are you alright? you passed out and shifted into this form.
-Qinglan, why did you take me in?
-The question is, why wouldn't I? I adore you more than anyone else.
-Qinglan, why aren't you scared? I am no longer human?
-But you are still Kurai, my Kurai, and I will never be scared of you, or hate you, instead, I'll grow to love you even more.
-Qinglan, Thank you.
He held me in his embrace once more, it was warm, he bathed me, fed me, talked to me, these things only made me grow to appreciate him even more, he might be my soul, the one to make me free of feeling hollow, I'm happy, so happy.
At night, I turned back into a human form, it felt unfortunate that I wasn't a human, can I ever bear human children? would he still love me if I'm useless? I brushed my feelings aside, and decided to leave.
He was still sleeping in the room I was at, I didn't know where I was, when I opened the door and saw the corridor, I knew I was in the palace at the empire, everything was just too luxurious.
I was about to step out when some familiar hands wrapped around my waist, embracing me.
-Did I wake you up?
-Do you plan on going back to your parents?
-Since father is the black dragon, he might have things to teach me.
-I can find someone else to teach you, I'll give you everything you would ever wish for, just, please, stay here, with me.
-I'm not one to break a promise and you know it, I promise to marry you when I grow of age.
-I know, but it's not about that.
-I know, Qinglan, you are worried about me.
-He said that he might kill you.
-But I won't get in his way, I don't care about being a prophet, I want peace.
-But Kurai, you are the prophet.
-What do you mean?
-When you became the dragon and got better, word came that our prophet died, you are the most faithful in this empire, you are best suited to be our scholar.
-But if I became the prophet, you know what would happen, do you?
-That's why I want you to stay with me, I'll protect you.
-Did the shamans decide if it was me?
-They are certain that you are the prophet, no one is debating it.
-But what if I don't want it?
-Are you scared of death?
-No, I'm scared that I'll die before marrying you.
-But at least we know that our feelings are mutual.
-Please, Qinglan, if I die, move on.
-Never! I will never love anyone until we meet again!
-But what if we don't meet again?
-I don't care, even if I get reincarnated, I will never love anyone else, I'd rather die than love someone else
My heart was worn out, I couldn't say nothing else, that hollowness in my soul ached, begging to be filled, but my mind knew that it wasn't right.
I hugged him before leaving the palace, he tried chasing after me but he stopped when he realized that I wasn't budging.
I walked home, it took me a month, I didn't feel tired, or hungry, since I was no longer bound by my human form, I passed by a few villages, and somehow, they knew of me, they celebrated my visit as if I am their empress, I didn't want that much attention, but I had to appreciate the effort they all put into celebrating me.
The trip was supposed to last a week, but I didn't want to go home, I don't want to face the black dragon again, but I was not of age, I can protect myself, but people still prey on the young like me no matter how divine I am.
I went from village to village, until I reached my village, I wasn't in the best state, my hair was disheveled and my clothes were torn and dirty, I expected the people to be repulsed by me, yet, the moment I walked in, people started cheering and celebrating my return, admiring me despite my horrible state.
When I asked around, it seems that the black dragon said that I was devoured by wolves, I felt nothing, I gave up on appealing to him that his lies don't matter to me anymore.
I went home, and my mother rushed to me, hugging me as she sobbed.
After my transformation, I awakened my abilities, I can see their auras, my mother had an aura that reminds me of a dove on a cherry blossom branch, meanwhile, the black dragon's aura felt dirty, and dense, like some smoke from burning trash, in that moment I knew, he wasn't a father, he was just the black dragon, and he wasn't of justice, he was not that far from being the devil.
I pushed my mother away and went to my room, I did love her, but I don't want to talk to her, I sat there quietly, watching the sun and moon switch places around for a while, since when did time get go this quick, I lost a lot of time thinking about Qinglan, because through it all, in the end, he was the only one who was actually by my side.
Suddenly, someone barged into my room, it's the black dragon, he claimed that someone wanted to see me, when I went out, it was a bunch of knights with the crown prince, Qinglan approached me, his smile warm and welcoming, as if he was taking me home, to our home that we never had, he didn't have to say anything, I went to change my clothes, they were waiting outside, I changed my clothes and got out to wear my shoes, but suddenly, I realized that all of my shoes were gone.
I turned to the black dragon just to see him summon a flame in his hand mockingly, he burned my shoes, but I couldn't care less, I was getting rid of him.
I followed the knights, they all got on their horses, but of course, I had no horse to ride, so I just walked, I walked beside the crown prince's horse, ever since I became no longer a human, I developed an intense pain tolerance, but it was still uncomfortable to walk barefoot on a rocky road.
The palace is a week away, of course, that's because of occasional rests, not that I need them, but I don't want the crown prince to be exhausted and injure himself.
By the third day, my leg was full of cuts and bruises, any more and my skin might actually fall off, of course, ever since we left, the crown prince kept insisting that I ride the horse with him, I refused for the sake of his dignity, but today, he had enough, in the middle of our walk, he grabbed me from my arm and sat me behind him on the horse, I wanted to protest but he kept ignoring me.
When we reached the palace, he held me in his arms like we are newlyweds, he took me to the same room as last time and took it upon himself to treat my feet, it was embarrassing, I can heal myself, so why is he doing that?
-You know, I am a dragon, I can heal myself, so why are you treating my wounds?
-Well, it's reassuring, I want to soothe you, it's nice to have someone care about you enough to tend to your wounds.
-But you are the crown prince, why touch my filthy feet with your bare hands?
-Kurai, you are perfect, no matter how bloody and filthy you are, I'd love to be the only one to tend to your wounds
He held my foot in his hand and kissed the top of it, it was embarrassing, and yet, it warmed my heart.
Almost two years have passed, and I was by Qinglan's side all the time, I am supposed to become of legal age in a week, but he couldn't wait, he proposed to me, and I accepted, we grew even closer and closer.
I used my dragon abilities for good, I healed people, and prayed for them, I also helped spirits move on, and find their origin, all was good, until it happened.
I was at a nearby fish pond, admiring the fish in it, I sensed someone behind me, when I turned around, I saw him, the black dragon
-So I guess you never gave up on the idea.
-If I became the prophet, it would've mad dear Gina happy.
-But you didn't deserve it.
-Ever since you left, our love got stronger, you might even have a sibling soon.
-She will miscarry
-...What did you say?
-I sense future grief, a spirit that will never be born.
-Don't say it...
-I sense a fatality spirit, this time, it's not meant to be.
-Shut it, you think you are something special because you are the crown prince's fiancee?
-Don't bring Qinglan into this!
-Oh, what a lovebird, it's no use arguing, just give me your soul, I don't want you to reincarnate.
-As if, I will never succumb to the likes of you.
-You asked for it!
I didn't have a chance to react, he grabbed a handful of my hair and shoved my head into the water, usually, I could push him away, because only suicide can kill a dragon, but something was off, his claws penetrated my neck, I could feel some warm liquid contrasting the cold water, seep into my body, I felt weak, I couldn't control my powers, and I didn't want to give him my soul, I have one last resort, I shifted out of my body, I left using my spirit form, and I can't return, since the moment the black dragon saw my spirit form, he clawed my heart out of my chest.
He killed me, now I became a wandering spirit, the grin on his face, it burned in my memory, I hate him, but when he left, Qinglan suddenly came up to check on me, he saw my body, it hurts to see the love of your life cry over you, I couldn't take it, I wanted to hug him, to soothe him, to kiss him, I wanted to tell him that I'm here, I'm by his side, but it's no use, spirits can't talk to humans.
I witnessed my own funeral, my mother was sobbing, everyone I knew and didn't know was sobbing, but Qinglan was the one to shed the most tears, my poor Qinglan, I wish that I married him sooner, his lover died before a week of their wedding.
I became a wandering spirit, but I didn't wander, I just watched over Qinglan, protecting him, until the day he died, depressed and unmarried, he kept his promise of not moving on, but it broke me even more, his last words were "I will reunite with you, my Kurai"
I was also the one who shed the most tears at his funeral, but no one knew that.
I roamed around the city, until I realized something was following me, it's a white nine tailed fox, it was a spirit.
-And who are you?
-I am the nine tailed fox, also, your older sister.
-Are you dead?
-No, I was born a spirit, come on, sister, it's time to go.
-Will I be with Qinglan?
-No, you are a dragon, you will be reincarnated.
-Will I ever be with him?
-I promise you, my little sister, you will reunite eventually.
-Alright, I'll take your word for it....