The cloud looks a bit like a roasted chicken.
I really want to go home and eat chicken.
As Natsuki Subaru gazed at the desolate sky, watching the clouds roll by, he couldn't help but think this.
He sat dazed on a stone coffin.
Really, he no longer wanted to move forward.
Main character? Strong man? Hero?
What nonsense.
He was just an ordinary high school student.
How could an ordinary high school student possibly defeat such a monster?
Thinking of that near-invincible, god-like, towering figure, Natsuki Subaru couldn't help but tremble all over.
"Why... is this happening...?"
He lowered his head, covering his face with his hands, curling up into a ball.
Tears flowed uncontrollably from his eyes.
"I... I'm just an ordinary person. Why do I have to go through all this...?"
Amidst his sobs, Subaru's voice grew louder.
"Why... why?!"
At last, he was on the brink of breaking down.
"I don't want to die!"
Natsuki Subaru kept slamming his forehead into the ground, blood and flesh smeared on his brow.
He lifted his head and screamed into the air, as if someone were listening to him, but in front of him was only a nameless gravestone.
"Let me go back!"
Suddenly, he stood up, drew his sword, and struck at the gravestone. Sparks flew, and the already dull sword gained a notch, but the plain gravestone remained unscathed.
"Even you are against me!"
It seemed like he wanted to vent all his frustration on the gravestone. Natsuki Subaru raised his sword again and struck with all his might.
The sword was knocked from his hands, cutting into his arm.
The gravestone remained unhurt, as if mocking his weakness.
"Die, die, die!"
Natsuki Subaru kicked the gravestone with all his strength, but the pain was so intense it made him stumble and fall to the ground.
His face hit the hard ground, blood pouring from his nose, mixing with snot and tears, staining his armor and face in a pitiful mess.
"Why! Why! Why?!"
Natsuki Subaru pounded the ground with his fists, not stopping even when his arms grew numb.
"Why me?!"
"Why this world?!"
"This world, a billion times worse than shit, this cursed, disgusting world!"
Heh... it was all so messed up.
As he screamed in hysteria, Natsuki Subaru thought he heard someone whispering in his ear.
But he didn't stop to look for them.
He knew that voice was his own.
Grabbing his sword, Natsuki Subaru howled and swung it again at the gravestone.
How ridiculous, how ugly.
— The ugly state of a loser.
That's how he saw himself.
Weak, cowardly, useless, only daring to vent his rage on a gravestone that couldn't fight back.
He — Natsuki Subaru — thought of himself this way.
But he didn't stop his actions or the curses coming from his mouth.
Because deep down, he knew he was just a coward, a worthless fool who only daydreamed and did nothing of value.
Yeah, he was just trash.
Why should a piece of trash like him have to face all this? Why should he, this garbage, end up in such a cruel world?
Why... does he have to die?
Whether it was the sensation of a blade cutting through his intestines, or a rocket searing through his eyes, or the feeling of yellowed teeth tearing the flesh from his neck, blood pouring from his arteries... he remembered them all, and could never forget.
The pain was so deep it reached his bones.
These were the deaths he experienced while fighting the living corpses.
Yes, those living corpses were slow, mindless beasts, driven only by instinct.
But they could kill him, and there were so many of them.
But none of this was the worst part.
The worst was that unbeatable "monster."
After dying ten more times, Natsuki Subaru finally lured all the living corpses from the nameless graveyard one by one, and killed them with his sword.
In the end, he reached an unknown plaza.
At the center of the plaza, a giant in silver-gray armor slowly rose, pulling the massive spear from the ground.
The next moment, the world in Natsuki Subaru's eyes was split in half,
Along with his body and that fragile, childish hope.
— Cleaved in two by that silver-gray spear.
Victory was impossible.
That was the only thought in Natsuki Subaru's mind when he revived.
What a joke.
Such power, such speed, such ferocity, such brutality, such invincibility.
How could a human ever reach such a level?
That was an opponent that no matter how many times he died, no matter how much effort he put in, he could never defeat.
If it were those living corpses from earlier, no matter how many came, Natsuki Subaru would at least have the courage to fight.
Because those living corpses were still on the human level — if he dodged faster, struck quicker, had better weapons, even fighting multiple at once, there was always a chance. At most, he'd just die a few more times.
Heh... die a few more times.
Thinking back to that excruciating pain, Natsuki Subaru's body trembled slightly.
Really, he didn't want to feel that again.
But that monster was different.
That was transcendence, that was a hero, that was a monster, an enemy only superheroes in comics and novels could deal with.
He — Natsuki Subaru, just an ordinary high school student, could do nothing.
Looking back, his former idle, carefree life now seemed so beautiful. If he could go back now, he would study hard, just to get out of this damn place!
Why was he so foolish to want to transmigrate?
Why?
Natsuki Subaru knelt on the ground, his eyes vacant as he stared at the sky.
No one was coming to save him, and no one would.
If he didn't fight his way out, he would be stuck here forever, living with the living corpses and despair, until the end of time, or become one of them.
It almost seemed like death would be a better outcome.
Gazing at the desolate sky, Natsuki Subaru had this thought.
That was why he felt even more hopeless.
There was no way forward.
Natsuki Subaru looked at the sword in his hand.
If he used it to slit his throat, he could probably leave this world, right?
His hands trembling, Natsuki Subaru slowly brought the sword up to his neck.
Just one moment, and he would be free.
He thought to himself.
But...
Why couldn't he do it?
He stared at his reflection in the puddle below, as if seeing his own blood spilling from his neck the next second.
The sword's edge pressed tighter against his carotid artery.
Natsuki Subaru swallowed, and the sword nicked his skin, a bit of blood slowly seeping out. The pain only added to the pressure on his already fraying nerves.
Do it! You coward!
He yelled at himself in his mind.
But...
He couldn't do it.
It was just a matter of pulling back a little.
One second, and he could escape this cursed world.
But he couldn't.
Even though his hands were shaking uncontrollably, he couldn't move it even a tiny bit further.
Really... couldn't do it.
Clang
The sword fell to the ground.
Natsuki Subaru pressed his hand to his neck, confirming he'd only scratched his skin, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
He laughed loudly, but as he laughed, he suddenly started coughing, coughing for a long time, then broke into loud sobs.
After a while, perhaps tired, he stopped crying and looked up at the sky, bitterly smiling as he said:
"I really am... a cowardly, life-fearing waste."
His words were a mixture of self-mockery, helplessness, pain, and perhaps even a hint of... unwillingness?
Drinking a healing elixir, exhausted Natsuki Subaru lay down on the ground and fell into a deep sleep.
But this time, even in his dreams, he gripped the hilt of his sword.
When he woke up, he knew things would be different.