SPIRITUAL WIFE
CHAPTER 1
"You're mine and mine alone, the day you dare talk to any lady shall be your last on earth!"
My name is Michael, it all started four years ago when we went for a church camping program called Youth Week.
I made a new friend there and in the process discussions, I asked if he had interesting videos on his phone and he said yes, so I collected his phone, marked all the videos he had, and transferred all of them to my phone. Little did I know that he had many p*rn videos on his phone and I had transferred all of them to mine.
It was when the camping program came to an end and I returned home that I decided to go through the videos sent to me by my fellow brother in Christ. As I opened my Gallery app and was going through the videos, I began to see so many p*rn videos that I couldn't stop myself from watching no matter how much I tried. That was how my journey to the land of the dammed began.
It first began with an addiction to p*rn*graphy, I would watch close to 50 different p*rn videos, exhausting more than 2 GB of data every night. As minutes turned into hours and hours into days, I began to get used to p*rn*graphy, I began to wish I could also do the same thing I was watching, that was how I finally learned to m*sturbate without being taught by anyone.
When I first started, I was doing it 3 to 4 times per week but as days went on, I found myself doing it 7 days every week, sometimes I would even do 2 to 3 times per night.
A Christian who went to church every Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday. I was getting more deteriorated as days turned by, I was trying to stop but could not. After doing it this night, I would vow never to do it again but would still do it the following night.
It was obvious to me that no good lay ahead of where I was going but still couldn't stop. Gradually I began to lose interest in activities that add value to my life. I have a Facebook community where I used to post stories but this same problem stopped me from posting anything there.
It happened that whenever I brought out my phone to write in the night that I used to have time, I would just suddenly get discouraged and the next thing I would do is enter a p*rnsite which would trigger m*sturbation and after doing it, I would feel completely devastated, just as if I was the worst person on earth,
"Look at you, so-called Christian and child of God, everyone believes you're a very serious born-again Christian, not knowing you're nothing but a pollution, shame on you!"
This voice always came immediately after I finished the night routine, making me so guilty and I would even wish to end my life.
I lived in this bondage for one, two three, and four years. It was in the fourth year that I sat down one day and began to question myself,
"For the past years that I have been doing this, what value has it added to my life? What accomplishment has it helped me achieve?"
I reminisced from the very first day to that fourth year, trying to picture any good thing it helped me to get but realized there was none. All those years were full of pain, guilt, regrets, failures and badlucks. I flashed back to years before I got into it and realized that I used to be a very outspoken person. I recalled the number of books I wrote within those years and how it was wowed and hearted globally.
I realized that p*rn*graphy and m*sturbation have absolutely nothing to offer, I could not even speak to people again not to talk of making friends.
I lost interest completely in speaking with anyone, my face always motionless and fierce.
"This is not the kind of life I want to live,"
I cried bitterly. That very night day, I decided I was going to stop at all costs. The first step I took was fixing a 30-day fasting and praying exercise, from 6 am to 6 pm daily.
The first, second, third, and fourth days seemed like I was getting somewhere. I was able to stop visiting any p*rnsite for those four days. It was on the fifth day that the urge became very serious, It felt like my life depended on it, just as if I was going to die if I didn't do it and that was how I ended up doing it, throwing myself back to ocean of guilt and condemnation. I realized that fasting and prayer alone could not solve it, so I decided to seek other means.
I took my phone and began to research How to stop p*rn*graphy and m*sturbation. The most relevant result I saw was "Get a wife or a girlfriend that can be with you and talk to you always".
This idea seemed cool to me so I decided to give it a try.
I wasn't mature enough to marry, so I chose the girlfriend option. Guess what? That very night I made that decision was the day the real doom befell me.
A lady appeared to me in a dream and told me that I was going to dié if I tried to bring any girl into my life,
"You're mine and mine alone, the day you dare talk to any lady shall be your last on earth!"
To be continued