"Where I am?"
I looked around, trying to figure out where I was. Unfortunately for me, it was dark, and I couldn't directly see where I was, so I had to use the goddess's eyes to orient myself.
It seemed like I was inside some sort of cave. Behind me, there was a wall that I used to help myself get back on my feet. Then, I analyzed the situation to figure out what would be best to do, but it was difficult because, despite trying to stay calm, I was actually very scared, and the panic kept growing more and more. Ever since I had been separated from Gerald, I had started developing these feelings, and maybe that's why I hadn't thought of all the flaws in the plan of heading in a random direction—because I needed something to hold onto to keep myself from falling into panic.
Anyway, it didn't take me long to realize that moving forward was the best choice—also because it was the only choice. It was the only open direction; all the others were blocked by walls.
The only doubt I had left was whether or not to use fire magic to help me see better, but in the end, I decided not to use it, at least for the moment. However, I was certain that sooner or later, I would end up using it, if only to warm myself up from the cold.
"Okay, I don't think I'll be able to get out of here by tonight, so I'd better start by looking for something to eat."
And so, my desperate search for food began, lasting about two hours without me finding anything. I kept walking down the same straight corridor—there were no turns, nothing at all. Just a damn straight corridor.
"Look, there's something… nothing, it's just a rock. But I'm sure it'll be better next time."
"Another rock, hahaha… oh well, it's only been 20 minutes."
"That rock looks so delicious… I wonder if I can eat it..."
Every time I thought I had found something to eat, it turned out to be a rock. Damn it, I was so hungry that I was mistaking rocks for food.
"Isn't there something like a secret passage or something? I'll take anything, as long as I don't have to keep going through this straight corridor!"
"How long have I been walking? What if I went back and tried to climb up? Maybe another hole or something will open up again."
I was so exhausted that I started hitting the walls, using fire magic to destroy them. But to do so, I had to use a lot of power, and as a result, I ended up with a partially destroyed wall in front of me that still didn't give me a way out. My mind was drained, so drained that I even considered giving up.
Realizing this, I decided to give myself a motivational speech. I punched the wall and started talking to myself.
"Listen, don't give up. You can't do that. I'm not ready to die yet. I'm so talented—with all the great life I could have, do I really want to give up here?"
Meanwhile, my eyes started to fill with tears as I kept talking.
"So don't give up, you can do this. Yes, you can more than do this."
The speech was so pathetic that I immediately felt ashamed of it, and it was useless because, in the end, I gave up and did the one thing I'm sure 95% of people would have done in my situation: I cried in a panic.
"How am I supposed to get out of here!? I'm dead, I'm dead."
"Gerald, please, help me!"
I was having a full-blown panic attack; my hands started trembling along with my entire body.
"Okay, calm down, calm down—calm down my ass, fuck!"
I lay down while thinking about everything I had done in this life, especially the events of the day before, while in my head, I kept repeating to myself:
"Relax, it's not dangerous, everything is planned."
"Yes, that's right! Rose and Gerald did this to make you give up; they'll be here to save you soon."
"Yeah, you're so stupid. You need to trust your current parents more; after all, they're much older than you and have way more experience. How could they not have considered that something like this could happen?"
"Yes, they are—"
I stopped instantly. I could no longer speak, and the only thing I could do was breathe heavily.
"Yes, they are—I'm sure it'll be fine because it will be fine!"
"Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm... sure."
Lying means altering the truth, knowingly saying something false. That's why a person can only lie knowingly—to deceive others. But when the person lying is the only one within a 98-foot radius, they are not lying; they are fooling themselves.
Yeah, fooling themselves, just like I am now—or rather, like I have been since I was reincarnated. I kept telling myself that everything was fine, even though I knew perfectly well that nothing was fine. And where did that get me? It led me away from the Noimar family, that's where.
"Let's try to calm down and face reality."
After taking deep breaths, I sat down with my back against the wall, trying to calm myself and figure out what to do.
"If I keep going like this... I'll die."
As soon as I faced reality, I was struck by another panic attack. Apparently, I had miscalculated—I had mistakenly believed that once I calmed down, I would be able to analyze things objectively without panicking. I hadn't considered that if something makes you panic, thinking about it right after calming down isn't the best idea.
"Okay, think about happy things. Happy things. Hap—wait, do I even have things that make me happy?"
Until that moment, I had never realized that there was nothing that truly made me happy. Sure, I couldn't say I was completely unhappy, but I wasn't in a situation that made me "extremely happy" either. I was reincarnated and spent the first year of my life crying, hiding, denying reality, and toward the end, learning the language.
Now that I thought about it, I was in the same emotional state as I had been during most of my first year of life.
In the second year, there were some improvements—I started talking and walking, reading and writing, and using magic. And it was more or less the same for all the years that followed. I was slightly happy, and sometimes I even had fun, but I'm pretty sure I could have lived this life better. I really threw away a golden opportunity.
I don't know how long I sat there crying. It felt like hours, but in that situation, even a single moment felt like minutes, so I couldn't tell how long I had been there. And since I was trapped in this kind of cave, I couldn't look at the sky to orient myself.
I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, bringing them close to my chest. Then I closed my eyes and started humming a tune from my old world while recalling happy moments. The happier the memories, the more tears streamed from my eyes.
In the end, I was left with the kind of headache that people usually get after crying too much.
"Compared to the pain I went through because of the goddess's eyes when I wasn't used to them, this is nothing."
I stared at the palm of my right hand, where a small fire had just ignited to warm me and give me some light. I was tired of seeing only darkness.
"You know what? I might as well drink the water created by magic. Screw the risk of poisoning—I'm doomed anyway. And besides, it would be a new experience, dying from poisoning."
Sigh
"And then... who knows if I'll be reincarnated again? But even if I were, I doubt I'd have the same luck I had this time."
"!"
Looking at the mana particles within the fire in my hand, I noticed that something was off. I hadn't realized it before because I was too panicked, but now, looking at it with a clear mind, it was obvious.
I immediately extinguished the fire, but I noticed that those strange particles were still there, and they seemed to be coming from my body.
"I'm pretty sure this mana doesn't belong to me. But then, whose is it?"
At that moment, violet mana particles emerged from my body—just like the ones I had noticed in my palm earlier—and began gathering in a single point to form... a canary.
"A canary?"
Yes, a canary entirely composed of mana had just materialized in front of me. Thanks to that, I could confirm that the strange violet mana definitely didn't belong to me. But instead of feeling relieved, I grew even more worried. Because if that mana wasn't mine, then whose was it?
It didn't even seem familiar—this was the first time I had sensed it. And speaking of that: how had it entered me without me noticing? I had been very careful. One of the reasons I had deteriorated this much was due to mental exhaustion from excessive use of this power, so it was impossible that I hadn't noticed.
I quickly moved away from the canary, which didn't do anything. It remained still for a couple of minutes.
"What—Who—what."
I was trying to formulate a question, but even figuring out how to identify it was a problem.
"Who are you?"
In the end, I managed to ask the question, even if in vain, because it didn't respond, which was the most likely option, considering it was a canary.
"If you understand me, could you answer me?"
I tried once more to speak to it while slowly stepping back, trying to move away enough to gain an advantage if, hypothetically, I had to run.
Just when I thought about getting closer again, the mana particles forming the canary scattered everywhere within a range of 9 feet, then a spell was cast.
"Wait, what?! That's... earth magic!"
Earth magic, one of the four elemental magics alongside fire, water, and wind. Among these, it's the only one I have never practiced, as it's the one that interests me the least. It looked like it was creating steps, as if it were building a staircase—or rather, it was actually building a staircase.
"Great, now that I know it can use magic, the chances of it attacking me increase. I should use wind magic to escape."
"No, I can't. Wind magic takes too long to use, I should use water magic since it's the one I'm best at."
As a multitude of thoughts flooded my mind, I began retreating faster and faster. Even though I knew it was building a staircase, I didn't want to risk getting attacked by staying there. I was probably being too paranoid, maybe also because I had just had a crisis a little while ago.
I had moved so far away from the canary that it was even out of the goddess's sight range, yet despite that, I neither stopped nor slowed my retreat.
"I think I should go back and see what that canary has done."
After several minutes of retreating, when I had already moved far away from that canary, I decided that seeing what it was doing was the best choice. I was still afraid it might attack me, but I realized that even if I moved away from it, I would die of hunger or thirst.
I don't know how long a human can survive without food or water, but I'm sure I wouldn't last more than two days, so if I stay here and don't move forward, I'll die anyway. And since I have no intention of staying here starving and thirsty, and since in desperation I would eventually return to where I was before, I might as well do it now.
Returning to where the canary was, I noticed it standing still on the third step of the staircase it had created. By now, about twenty minutes had passed, maybe even thirty or perhaps ten, but anyway, if it had continued until now, the staircase should have already reached a considerable height. And indeed, it had, because with the goddess's eyes, I couldn't perceive the end of the staircase, so I was certain it reached at least beyond 98 feet.
"Should I climb?"
At a certain point, the canary started flying. Startled, I began retreating again, but it wasn't coming in my direction. On the contrary, it was heading the opposite way, where the staircase was.
"What is this, an invitation?"
The canary stopped after 50 feet and landed on a step, as if it were waiting for me.
"Should I climb? Of course, does anyone have a better idea?"
I looked around, and after a couple of seconds, I realized I was alone.
"Oh, right, I'm alone. Maybe I'm slightly losing my mind."
Fear and anxiety have been the two main emotions I've felt today, and I'm still feeling them now, but I have to climb, to see where this staircase leads.
Finally, a little hope—how long has it been since I last felt it? I don't know, as I lost track of time a while ago.
And so, I began my journey up the staircase to see where it would take me.