They say when someone you love dies a piece of you dies along with them, buried in a cold dark box but what happens when everyone you have ever loved dies right in front of you each horrifically? What then? what must I feel when I don't know how to cope with the pain I think must I commit to death with them or should I suck it up and live for they would want me to live.
The will of the dead can be so cruel why must I live on when I feel the need to die why must I continue this meaningless thing called life when the pieces of my heart have been buried along with them? Death is an alarm I needed to see life for what it truly is it is just a race in which you are running until you can't run anymore and you just sit there watching others doing the same over and over again until you turn to dust.
Now here am i sitting in my therapist's office saying these words to her as she listens to me intently before saying "Do you blame yourself for their deaths because you were there for their last breath?" I thought for a while before answering "I do blame myself for each time someone close to me died they were with me what can you do that messes with you a lot" I took a deep breath before continuing "My mom was the first person I killed a drunk truck driver steel ran straight through her heart she put herself in harm's way knowing she won't survive she smiled saying she loved me before drawing her last breath I was 7"
Tears wielding up my eyes as I spoke "Next was my dad never blamed me for it instead he supported me through the pain of losing the woman he loved and he did everything to make me laugh but the kicker is that he too died he was at the bank to draw money to pay for a stupid toy because the store didn't take cards I remembering him smiling down at me as he waited in line then it happened"
I choked up a sob as I cried for my parents and for having a child like me that only led them to their death my therapist handed me a tissue to wipe my tears as she kneeled beside me rubbing circles in my back and soothing my nerves I finally stopped crying 3 minutes later she asked if I wanted to continue I whispered a small yes. I take another breath before continuing "Men in black with devil masks burst through the door firing in the air telling everyone to get down while giving instructions to the manager to open the safe if only I didn't cry maybe my dad would be alive one of the men turned his head to me annoyed by my crying came over to me telling my dad to shut me up before he does I remember crying hard as my dad tried to shush me because of how scared I was a gun was in my face the next second with a man shouting at me to shut the fuck up" I laughed bitterly.
I continued "My dad covered me as he opened fire at me because I annoyed him my dad kept repeating it's gonna be ok as we both bled out on the cold floor I woke up in the hospital only to be told my dad my hero died the only family I had left died I cried my heart out until the docoters had to sadate me my aunt took me in a couple of days after my dad's funeral she jumped off a bridge three day later funny isn't I couldn't cry for her because my tears are all dried up I was numb I was 13 then she died on my 14th birthday no one wanted to take me in fearing they too would die so I got sent into foster care again people who adopted me all die so I got returned like a broken toy got thrown out after the orfanage got caught on fire my fault it was so I was kicked out lived on the streets for 5 years did drugs fought for my life while begging for death got my life together after I got taken in my an old man that is like a father to me he died of old age I was happy he died that way actually"
"Why is that"? My therapist asked "Because everyone I have loved died a painful death he died in peace well he life me a lot of money with a note shining bright like a star untouched and unbroken by comets live your life like that willow that is my wish for you I still have that note with me to this day"
The sound of my phone ring caught my attention taking it out of my pocket and seeing my captain call me I excused myself to take the call. "you have a new case be on site in 30 minutes" he said before hanging up. I guess our session is over now my therapist said before I could get a word out nodding my head yes I picked up my coat "See you next week same time Mary" I said. I walk out the door tilting my head to the receptionist gaining a smile in return walk to my car open it get in start the car and go on my merry way tapping my fingers on the wheel to Lana del Ray's Born to Die describes my life to a tea. about 20 minutes later I arrived at the crime scene while getting out of the car was greeted by my partner of two years Anthony "How you are doing sunshine" Every time I heard that line I wanted to beat him near to death and drag him behind a car going 80 miles per hour he has been flirting with me from the moment I joined the police force saying some bullshit about me being his soulmate so he got drunk one time grabbed my ass need up with a broken nose along with a fractured wrist never tried that shit with me again.
"Do you wanna end up in the morgue this time Anthony?" holding up his hand in death while backing away because he knows I wasn't playing, after all, he saw me beat a rapist and a pedophile an inch in his life because he raped his daughter and son for six years. "so what kind of grotesque scene do you have for me today" he answered " the victims are a family of three parents and their son tortured before they had their head cut off by a dull blade" walking into the house I saw the heads of the victims head lined up neatly no blood splatters. The killer cleaned all of the blood from the scene Frankie walked over to me "It looks like our killer has OCD a sick one at that too" he commented on the scene before him.
"he does have OCD for sure nothing is out of place but what is that sticking out of the father's head hand me a glove reaching my hand down the father's decapitated head i found a note that read.