Our house doesn't feel like home. Everytime I walked on this quiet street, it feels so heavy. I take time watching the sunset then sigh heavily. I'm now home.

Is it supposed to be peaceful? Like after a tiring day, you'll feel the feeling that finally, I can rest. I'd witnessed how my friends always excited to go home. I'm not. But I want that. I want that feeling too. Simple yet so hard when it comes to me. Just... why?

I opened the door and a quiet yet stinky smells of alcohol welcomed me. My li'l brother using his phone while my father's asleep on the messy table. I'm tired from school but I'll still clean this.

Everything in this house is a mess. I am a mess too.

"Lex, why didn't you wash the dishes? You should cook the rice too!" I exclaimed.

" Why are you shouting Sarmien?! Can't you see that I'm sleeping here? You really don't have a respect." He said.

"What a useless daughter."

Okay, stop.

"Wash the dishes and bring me a coffee Sarmien. You're always lazy."

Just stop!

"What's the point of going to school, having those awards when you can't even respect your father?"

Why?! You can't even provide for me, for us. You're always reek with alcohol. You don't even care if we already eat or we have something to eat. Instead of buying us foods, you always buy alcohol first! You're useless too!

F*ck! I can't control my anger when I am in this house.

I left everything in mess and go to my room.

"You should sleep here, Lex. My room is clean." I told him.

" Papa is already asleep sis. Why did you shout? And now he's shouting too." He said then leave.

And now is it my fault?

" Lex, did you eat?" I still asked him.

" Not yet."

Having no choice. I cooked a dinner despite the loud noises and sharp words from my father. We ate, me, trying to not take seriously every words I heard and Lex, I don't know what's on his mind.

We did our night routine and sleep on seperate room. My room is dark and so is the thoughts running in my mind. Trying to control everything, trying not to do things that can harm me. Trying to remind myself that I can't do that.

I'm tired. When can I escape this situation? This is just so f*cked up.

Then what if, your anger, resentment and hatred become a person? When you can't even tamed yourself but you have to tamed him. Your beast is him. And you have to tame him, Sarmien.