"Tell me, Sora. Do you want to die?"
I have never been good with telling if someone is joking or not, but I think he is being serious in this situation.
I don't know how to respond, neither do I know if he is upset at something or perhaps mad at me, but the only thing I could come up with is answering his question truthfully.
"Not yet."
"Not yet?"
He laughs a little at my answer as if he was mocking me, but I could tell that he wasn't actually making fun of me. He wasn't laughing like usually. It sounded a bit odd, even though I could not explain why.
"Do you?"
I ask, since I didn't exactly know how to respond to his laughter. Maybe he was just awkward talking to me about such things.
"What would you do if I say yes?"
He smiles awkwardly for a second but then stops. His eyes were filled with expectations of what I might say and his gaze is filled with impatience.
I sigh and look at the ground, not being able to keep up the eye contact. This whole situation was so awkward. I don't really want to talk about those kind of things.
"I don't know. I think I wouldn't do much if you told me you wanted to die. What could I change anyway? I think it doesn't make that much of a difference if you wanted to die or not."
He doesn't look as surprised, but still he laughs. I raise one eyebrow to question his behavior, but he just smiles slightly and changes the topic.
"Why did you say 'not yet' when I asked you if you wanted to die?"
I let out a deep sigh before I answer. I hoped he wouldn't ask.
"I don't feel like dying yet. Maybe one day I will take my life, but that day hasn't come yet.
Maybe I'm just desperately holding on to find a purpose in life."
I look at him.
"What about you?"
He looks up at the sky, the smile on his face is gone and his expression changes from a slightly playful look to a rather serious one.
"Tell me when you want to die.
I don't want to die alone."
I am not planning on taking my life any soon, especially not with someone by my side. But I understand his thoughts. Imagine you're at your lowest point in life, wanting to end it all, but having no one by your side who understands all your thoughts and your will to not keep going. I get him.
"What if you don't want to die anymore when I tell you I'm done with life?"
I ask, but he just looks at me slightly surprised. He chuckles as if I made a joke.
"What is that for a question? You're so ridiculous, Sora."
He laughs it off, but he didn't answer my question. Maybe he doesn't know himself what he would do. Not everyone knows the answer to a question and I guess that's fine.
Still I was slightly disappointed.
We continue to sit at the river in silence, until someone calls out our names.
"Sora? Ciel?? Where are you?!"
A girl from our class approaches us and sighs in relief as soon as she sees us.
I didn't know that she knows my name, yet I don't remember hers.
"Ah, Nori. What are you doing here?"
Ciel looks at her and smiles but she looks kind of mad?
"How dare you guys just disappear during our classes speech? Everyone was looking for you! Now let's go back to the festival, the others are already waiting."
She looks at us impatiently and I stand up after Ciel was already walking in the direction of the people. I walk behind the two of them until the girl grabs my arm to drag me behind her. I guess she doesn't want me trying to sneak away again.
"Come on it's not that hard to be with people from time to time. Also aren't we all classmates? You should really get used to a bunch of people, Sora."
She wasn't really mad anymore, but I still didn't really want to listen to her complaining about my behavior. I don't even know her that much.
The only thing I know about her is that she often hangs around Ciel.
She probably thinks I'm annoying.
As we arrive at the gathering Ciel goes to his friends and I stay in the background.
I can't be asked to talk to people especially because I don't exactly know any of them well. I'm not upset about not having friends I like it way better to be alone.
The moment I thought this a girl from my class comes up to me. I think he name is Mira? Or Mizi? Mizumi maybe? Everyone calls her Mimi so it must be a name with Mi.
"Heyy…! What are you doing in the background? Come talk to us more!"
She says but I don't respond. She often comes up to me and talks about random topics. I'm not really sure why, since most of the time it's a one sided conversation where she just talks to me. I don't even know why she does it maybe she is bored or wants everyone to like her.
"Come on, Sora. I'm sure if you just talked with the others more they would start to like you as well. After all you aren't a bad person. Just not exactly… talkative."
She is pretty persistent but I really have no idea how she would know that. I personally think I'm pretty boring.
"Just go to your friends you don't have to waste your time by talking to me.
Also I'm pretty sure that Ciel's speech is soon. Don't think you would want to miss that, right?"
I answer, but instead of going she just smiles. I'm sure that I have a good point, so why can't she just go…?
"If you come with me I'll let you be in peace for the rest of the festival. Just come and listen to the speech I'm sure some things to talk about will come up during the speech. You should socialize with the others more."
She is a bit like the nice teacher that wants your best. Kinda annoying to be honest, but if I can get rid of her for the rest of the day I might as well listen to the speech.
And I mean I am kind of curious about it either way.
"Alright I'll come with you. But only if you keep your promise."
I say and she immediately starts smiling as if her biggest wish just came true. I really don't get this girl, she is so weird. Who gets excited over something like that?
"What are you waiting for? Come it's gonna start soon!!"
She grabs my arm and drags me with her to the stage, which isn't that far away but she seems to be in a hurry, so I let myself drag along with her.