Running a tribe of ogres wasn't as easy as I'd hoped. Sure, they'd stopped glaring at me like I was dinner and started listening (mostly) to what I said, but old habits die hard. Especially for creatures that think with their fists more than their brains.
Take this morning, for example.
"I said dig the holes two feet deep," I groaned, rubbing my temples as one of the smaller ogres stared blankly at me, holding a crude wooden shovel.
"It is two feet," he said, pointing at a pit that barely reached his knobby ankles.
"For you, maybe," I shot back. "But we're planting Glowshrooms, not toothpicks. Make it deeper."
He scratched his head, muttered something under his breath, and grudgingly started digging again.
Scarface wandered over, chuckling as he watched the scene. "You've got your work cut out for you, kid."
"Don't remind me," I said, crossing my arms. "It's like teaching toddlers how to build a castle—with sticks and rocks."
He shrugged. "You're the one who wanted to take charge."
---
Meanwhile, a group of ogres was bickering over where to plant the Glowshrooms.
"This spot gets more light," one argued, pointing to a patch near the cave entrance.
"But the spores'll spread better here," another countered, gesturing to a darker corner.
I sighed, stepping between them before the argument could escalate into a fistfight. "Enough! We'll plant half here and half there. If one spot grows better, we'll know for next time."
They grumbled but reluctantly agreed. Crisis averted—for now.
---
The Grumpy Problem
Of course, no day would be complete without Grumpy causing trouble.
"Why do I have to haul the water?" he whined, dragging a leaky bucket behind him. "It's heavy."
"Because you lost the fight," I reminded him for the hundredth time.
"But that was days ago!"
"And yet, I'm still in charge," I said, smirking. "Now hurry up. The Glowshrooms won't water themselves."
He shot me a dirty look but didn't argue further. Progress.
---
Unexpected Visitors
Just as things were starting to settle down, a loud rustling came from the forest. The ogres tensed, grabbing their clubs and makeshift weapons.
"What now?" I muttered, moving to the cave entrance.
A group of goblins emerged from the underbrush, their beady eyes scanning the area. They were smaller than ogres but just as scrappy-looking, armed with crude spears and daggers.
"Well, well," their leader sneered, stepping forward. "Looks like the Mushroom King isn't around to protect you anymore."
I frowned. "What do you want?"
"Your food," he said, gesturing to the Glowshroom caps drying near the cave. "Hand it over, and we won't cause any trouble."
The ogres growled, but I held up a hand to stop them.
"Let me get this straight," I said, stepping forward. "You're threatening us? In our own cave?"
The goblin leader smirked. "That's right. What are you gonna do about it, runt?"
---
The Art of Intimidation"ψ(｀∇´)ψ
I grinned, activating Spore Cloud. A golden mist swirled around me, making the goblins cough and stumble back.
"Here's the thing," I said, my voice calm but cold. "We're not scared of you. In fact, we're far from it, I mean, we just took down a boss monster. So unless you want to end up like the Mushroom King, I suggest you turn around and leave."
The goblins hesitated, their confidence wavering, as the other ogres glare at them, clearly not amused.
"You're bluffing," the leader said, though his voice lacked conviction.
"Am I?" I activated Spore Burst, sending a small explosion of glowing particles toward them. The goblins yelped, scrambling to avoid the blast.
"Alright, alright!" the leader said, holding up his hands. "We're leaving!"
The goblins retreated into the forest, their tails figuratively between their legs.
The ogres cheered as the goblins disappeared, thumping their chests and shouting about how great we were.
"Nice work, boss," Scarface said, clapping me on the shoulder.
"Yeah, well," I said, trying not to wince at the force of his pat. "Let's hope they don't come back with reinforcements."
He nodded. "We'll keep watch."
That night, as the tribe gathered around a small fire, I couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment.
We had food, a plan, and—for the first time—hope. Sure, we were far from a well-oiled machine, but we were learning. Growing.
And as I stared at the glowing shard in my hand, I knew this was just the beginning.
"If I can turn this bunch of misfits into something resembling a tribe," I thought, smirking, "then conquering the rest of the forest should be a piece of cake."
Or so I hoped.