In the United States, even drug-dealing gangs are required to pay taxes.
It takes some finesse to coax a gaming hermit out of their house. Loki subtly probed Selwyn about his future plans, hinting that "a life spent entirely within the confines of a single house is remarkably dull."
"I've been to many places," the god of mischief said, spreading his arms wide. "Every corner of the Nine Realms: the forges of Svartalfheim, the Well of Urd beneath the World Tree, and sailing through the cloud seas of Alfheim on a spaceship. You really shouldn't waste your time in constant waiting."
The S.H.I.E.L.D. assignments could wait until they contacted Selwyn again, and as for his job as the gatekeeper of Wokmaer, with no salary and little joy to speak of, it wasn't like he had to pull a Heimdall and show up diligently every single day.
Loki's vivid description seemed to work, as Selwyn looked genuinely captivated.
"I heard you stayed there because of a prophecy," Loki said. "What kind of prophecy would trap someone in such a place, working without pay? Think about it—maybe you've been deceived."
Selwyn studied Loki's expression for a moment, then gave a brief smile.
"You make a fair point," he said. "So, in your opinion, what should I do?"
"Go on an adventure, take a journey, or embrace a rare chance to explore," Loki suggested with a dramatic raise of his eyebrow. "As a wandering sorcerer, I'm an expert in such matters."
Apparently, the dragon tamer was easy to persuade. He quickly dismissed his suspicions and nodded readily. "I haven't really left that place much. Most of what I know about cities comes from the internet. Maybe, as you said, going out is important."
Even better, Selwyn had accumulated a substantial amount of savings from his time working with S.H.I.E.L.D. Being clueless about budgeting or saving, he generously offered to share the funds during their travels.
"Well, perhaps you need some preparations for the journey?" Loki asked. "For instance, giving your dragon some parting instructions?"
"Oh, that's not necessary," Selwyn replied. "Recently, an artificial being arrived from Romania—one that can live for a long time. Like me, it has some dragon traits and has agreed to take over as the gatekeeper."
That seemed a little too convenient, Loki thought, but Selwyn's expression was so earnest and honest—like someone who had barely told a lie in his entire life. Besides, this arrangement suited Loki's interests. As for the consequences of defying a prophecy, Selwyn had said it only concerned himself… so it wasn't Loki's problem.
For now, Loki's main task was to deal with "that thing" he had brought to Earth.
Midgard had always been Odin's dumping ground. Anything that wasn't suitable to keep in Asgard or destroy outright would get tossed onto Earth. Back then, humanity's activity was so limited that you could hide it in a valley or the ocean, and it would remain undiscovered forever.
Nowadays, humans had reached the poles, leaving few truly "safe" places on Earth. Still, there were some areas humans couldn't access—deep underground or the planet's inner seas.
Finding a way to the "depths" had become increasingly difficult, but perhaps the underworld offered some opportunities. After some thought, Loki made his decision: "We could go to Britain first."
Selwyn seemed enthusiastic. "I even have some online friends in Britain."
Their decision was made cheerfully, but it left S.H.I.E.L.D. in despair. Naturally, they wanted extraterrestrials visiting Earth to stay put in one place, but these two looked ready to embark on a globe-trotting escapade at any moment.
Neither of them had passports, social security numbers, or driver's licenses. This would make every step—from boarding a plane to passing through customs—a nightmare. The Alien Repatriation Act was still a hastily drafted set of empty promises, and its practical implementation revealed problems everywhere. Loki, watching the car that had pulled up for them, thought it might be fun to adhere to some Midgardian rules just to cause trouble for them.
The driver was an unfamiliar face. Coulson introduced him, saying he would take them to the airport.
"Thank you so much," Selwyn said. "Honestly, at first, I thought your claims about hiring extraterrestrials were just empty words. I didn't expect anyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. to actually have a job."
"Of course, that's… Wait." Coulson frowned, catching something in the driver's frequent glances at the rearview mirror. "What do you mean by that?"
"That driver," Selwyn said sincerely. "Isn't he a Skrull?"
Coulson: "…"
His blood pressure spiked. "We didn't know!"
The legal clauses for extraterrestrial employment on Earth (draft version) were urgently revised.
Selwyn and Loki didn't manage to board their flight because human legal processes couldn't keep up. Meanwhile, S.H.I.E.L.D. had to divert its resources to deal with their newfound Skrull infiltration problem.
The alien in question seemed very innocent. "I just wanted to live a peaceful, secluded life here! Lots of extraterrestrials do the same—we mean no harm. Earth has been a retirement haven for millennia!"
He even sounded a little aggrieved. If not caught red-handed, how would anyone know he wasn't a regular human? After all, he had been diligently collecting a paycheck from S.H.I.E.L.D. for years—unlike Hydra agents, who were constantly spying!
Coulson: "…"
So, when you see one cockroach in your house, there are probably a thousand more hiding somewhere.
Considering Earth's many mutants with unusual appearances, the odds of thoroughly screening out all "alien visitors" were close to zero. Coulson rubbed his temples and turned to Selwyn. "You always knew there were lots of aliens on Earth?"
"Of course," Selwyn said, blinking innocently. "There's no avoiding it."
The reason Earth was called Midgard was that, in terms of mysticism, it was a crossroads of dimensions. While Asgard's official transport was the Bifrost, there were many hidden "shortcuts" available.
Heaven and hell often used Earth as a transit point. If an angel or demon wanted to explore the opposite realm, their first step would be Earth. Within Earth itself, teleportation routes like mushroom rings were even more common.
"You can't exactly send a team to search every forest and destroy all the mushroom circles," Selwyn said, smiling warmly. "I heard you haven't even cleared all the landmines left from the Vietnam War."
Coulson couldn't tell if there was sarcasm in his tone. Landmines didn't multiply underground, but mushrooms only grew more abundant over time. Fairy portals were varied; in some Nordic regions, even a pile of scattered rocks might form one.
"So really, there's no need to stress about getting me a passport," Selwyn added. "Through the mushroom circle, I can be in Sherwood or Wales in under an hour."
"At least now we know Sherwood and Wales in Britain have fairy portals," Natasha said, taking off her headset at Avengers Tower. Coulson's conversation had been fully transmitted.
"And the bad news is that unless we eradicate all mushrooms on Earth, there's no way to stop them from hopping around the planet," Barton said, throwing up his hands. "And we can't exactly wipe out a species that's been around since the Cretaceous."
"Eradicating mushrooms," Stark scoffed. "Sounds great—like some kind of hallucination from eating too many mushrooms."