He doesn't give up. His lips hover close, trying to connect with mine again. I turn my head slightly, my body trembling as I fight the urge to give in. How long can I resist?
Instead, he pulls me into another embrace again, holding me so tightly it feels like he never plans to let go.
"Ar...thur…" I whisper his name, my voice barely audible. I didn't mean to call him that—it just slips out. I feel his lips curve into a smile against the side of my neck.
He tightens his hold on me, and my body stiffens.
"This… this is wrong. Please… let me go. It's really wrong…" I finally manage to say, though it takes everything in me to get the words out.
"I love you," he whispers. "I really love you. Please, tell me your fears. I'll fix everything. Then we can be happy together."
"You don't understand…" My voice shakes.
"How can I understand if you won't tell me? My love, please, say it. Whatever it is, just tell me," he pleads, his tone soft yet desperate.
"You won't love me anymore if I tell you," I murmur, lowering my gaze. There's no doubt that he really won't love me after he finds out that am a boy not a girl.
"Dare me," he counters. "My feelings for you are unlike anything I've ever known. I doubt anything can change them. I've never felt like this—so strong... so certain. Tell me your worries. Please."
"I… I'm… I'm…" I stammer, trying to force the words out.
A sudden knock at the door jolts both of us back to reality. The moment shatters like glass, and I'm yanked from the strange haze that surrounded us.
"Brother, are you in? I'm coming in," a voice calls from the other side of the door.
It's Princess Amelia, his favorite sister. My heart races as panic sets in. He still hasn't released me. What if she finds us like this?!
The door opens, and she steps inside. Her eyes widen in shock as she sees us. I freeze, my body stiff against Arthur's hold.
"What is it that you want now? Can't you leave me alone?" Arthur snaps, his arm still firmly around my shoulders. I struggle to pull away, but his grip is too strong.
"My apologies," she says, turning quickly. "I'll come back another time."
"No, my princess. I was just leaving. Please, stay," I say, desperate for her presence. I hope she stays long enough for me to leave.
"No, you weren't—" Arthur begins, but I cut him off.
"Duties. I have duties," I stammer, stepping out of his hold as he finally lets me go.
I don't hesitate. I rush out the door, closing it behind me. My legs feel weak, and I lean against the wall, trying to steady myself.
Inside the room, I hear Arthur's disappointed voice. "Do you have any idea what you've just interrupted?! Goodness Amelia! What is your problem? She was going to open up to me, and you ruined that chance! You have no idea what I've gone through to get her to talk to me!"
"Are you still forcing yourself on her?" Amelia asks, surprising me.
"I'm not forcing anything! She responds to my touches—how is that forcing myself on her? I know she feels something for me, too. I just don't understand why she keeps refusing me. She was about to tell me when you barged in. What do you want?!"
"I'm sorry. If she wants to tell you, she'll tell you," Amelia says. Then her tone softens. "Brother, you really love this girl, don't you? I've never seen you this desperate."
"Exactly! If you hadn't barged in maybe now we be together arranging our marriage! What I feel for her is beyond words," Arthur replies. "I can't explain it. I don't want to force her—I want her to want me as much as I want her. I want her to accept me on her own. Do you have any idea how I can convince her? You're a woman, tell me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong."
"In her case, I don't know. Many girls would give anything just for you to look their way. But her? There must be something serious keeping her away. I mean , among all these females in our kingdom, who wouldn't want to marry you."
I can't bear to hear any more. My legs carry me down the stairs and out of the mansion, my heart heavier with each step.
Is there any magic that can change a person's gender? I wonder. If there is, I would give anything to have it.
I know where I need to go now. The only place where I might find some solace. To Michael.
"There you are! I've been waiting for you like forever," Michael says the moment he sees me. We're on a narrow, empty pathway near the knights' quarters.
"There's a way out, and it's now," he says firmly.
"What?" I ask, startled.
He leads me into an old building and hands me a knight's outfit. "Change into this. Hurry. We don't have much time."
I follow his instructions, shedding my dress, my fake hair, and the padding that created the illusion of a woman's body. I stand there, staring into the distance, lost.
Michael walks back in and freezes when he sees my face. "Why are you crying? You don't want to leave?"
"I… I love him," I whisper. My chest feels tight, and I can barely breathe through the pain.
"Madin, what are you talking about? Have you forgotten that you're a man? Just because he says he loves you—thinking you're a woman—doesn't mean you can stay! If you stay, he'll find out the truth eventually. Then what? He'll hate you. And if you marry him, what happens when the lie unravels? You can't love him. It's impossible."
"I'm not like them, Michael. He doesn't love them. He loves me!" I cry, my voice breaking.
Michael grabs my shoulders and shakes me lightly. "Come back to your senses, kid! You're not a woman! No matter how much you say you love him, no matter how much he says he loves you, it can't work. Do you understand me?"
I nod weakly. "Yes."
"Good. Now let's go."
We join a group of knights preparing to leave the palace. I wear a hat that covers most of my face, and no one pays me any attention in the crowd. Michael whispers that we'll stop at an inn, and that's where I'll separate from the group and wait for him.
As we pass through the gates, I glance back at the palace. My heart shatters all over again.
Goodbye, Arthur.
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