The competition was officially in full swing. If you could even call it that. There was something almost poetic about watching beings of such immense power tripping over inflatable walls or getting trapped in pits of jello lava. But then again, I'd never been one for poetry. Chaos was where the fun was, and I was getting a front-row seat to it all.
Barry was still struggling with the first obstacle, having somehow found his way into an uncomfortably sticky pit of marshmallow goo. The poor guy had no idea what was going on, but he was clearly in it for the ride, slapping at the goo with desperation.
"Come on, come on!" Barry yelled, somehow managing to keep a positive attitude. "It's just marshmallow, right? Right?"
His attempts to free himself only made things worse. Every time he pulled a hand free, another chunk of goo attached itself to his arm like some sort of clingy monster. It was almost impressive how quickly he was getting covered.
"Hang in there, Barry!" I cheered, because why not? The poor guy had to be having the weirdest day of his life. "You're almost free!"
Nyra, meanwhile, was currently losing her mind in the trampoline zone. One second, she was zapping through it like the thunder goddess she was, and the next, the trampoline bounced her high into the air—way higher than she anticipated. Her storm cloud started spinning out of control, causing lightning to crackle randomly in all directions. The platforms around her shook as if the very fabric of space was bending under the pressure of her fury.
"You can't just throw me around like this!" Nyra shouted, as the trampoline shot her backwards, causing her to land in a giant inflatable pool full of whipped cream.
"Just embrace it!" I called out to her. "This is the Cosmic Challenge—where nothing makes sense, not even the physics!"
She glared at me from the whipped cream pit, muttering something about how this wasn't a "worthy challenge," but I could tell her pride was taking a serious blow. The whipped cream wasn't helping her image either. She was now covered in gooey white fluff and definitely not looking as intimidating as she probably hoped.
As for Zephorax—the cosmic entity who thought he was too good for this—he had made it past the rubber duck pit, only to find himself tangled in the next obstacle: a giant, floating net made of spaghetti. I couldn't help but laugh. The guy had an entire universe of power, and yet he was struggling with pasta.
"This is beneath me," Zephorax grumbled, trying to untangle himself from the mess of noodles. Each time he tried to tear a strand, another one seemed to wrap around him.
I watched as he furiously blasted at the spaghetti net with cosmic energy, only to have the pasta reassemble itself like it was made of elastic. It was beautiful, in a chaotic kind of way. The spaghetti wasn't even real spaghetti. I had made it just for this moment, just to mess with him. As if being a cosmic being meant you couldn't be reduced to noodle frustration.
"Zephorax, buddy," I said casually, "I gotta admit, watching you struggle with carbs is one of the highlights of my day."
He shot me a look that could've melted stars. "You've got some nerve. Just wait until I—"
And then, of course, the spaghetti net exploded into a thousand tiny meatballs, each of which now began chasing him.
"Seriously?" Zephorax screamed, as meatballs rained down on him.
He tried to blast them with energy, but they just bounced off, their tiny forms impossibly elastic. The meatballs had a mind of their own.
"I'm not even mad anymore," I said, grinning. "This is just amazing."
The contestants were all in varying states of distress, but none of them had even made it to the halfway point of the course. I had to admit, the plan was working. No one was having a good time—except me, of course.
Barry had finally freed himself from the marshmallow pit, but he was now covered in sticky goo from head to toe. He trudged forward, dragging his feet in defeat. "Okay, this is... this is a lot. Are we sure there's a toaster at the end?"
"Yep!" I called back to him. "You're doing great. Just keep going, you're only, like, 90% covered in marshmallow goo."
Nyra, now shaking off the whipped cream, gave up on the trampoline zone entirely and decided to just fly over it, generating a small electrical pulse to propel herself forward. She was zipping ahead, but she wasn't out of the woods yet. The next obstacle was a giant pit of... confetti. Confetti that exploded if you made any loud noises.
"Are you kidding me?" Nyra muttered, clearly aggravated. "Why does it have to explode?"
"Sound-based explosions are my thing," I replied, leaning back in my seat. "Just don't scream too loudly."
But of course, she couldn't help herself. As she flew over the pit, a stray bolt of lightning shot out of her hand, causing the entire confetti pit to burst in a massive explosion of color. Glitter rained down on her, and she landed face-first in a giant pool of jellybeans.
"I am done with this!" Nyra shrieked, but she wasn't exactly in any position to quit. Jellybeans stuck to her hair as she glared at the camera I had placed just for dramatic effect.
Zephorax, now covered in meatballs, was trying to crawl his way past the spaghetti pit, which, I would like to remind everyone, was still going strong. He was not having a good day. At this rate, I was certain the meatballs would win before he did.
"Please," he begged, trying to peel a meatball off of his face. "This... this is embarrassing."
"Well, I'm entertained," I said. "And that's what really matters."
In the meantime, Barry had made it to the next section—he was now running through a jungle of giant rubber chickens. These chickens weren't just any chickens; they were alive, each one with the ability to squawk at the top of their lungs and run in erratic circles.
Barry looked around wildly as one chicken collided with him, sending him sprawling. "Okay, okay, I can't take this anymore! What are these chickens made of?"
"They're divine chickens," I explained, enjoying the sight of him flailing about. "Also, they're super fast and they have excellent memory."
As Barry tried to avoid the chickens, I decided it was time to shake things up even further. I snapped my fingers, and the entire arena shifted—platforms started rotating, obstacles changed position, and the rubber ducks, now a little too eager, started waddling toward the contestants as if they'd been personally offended.
"Alright, folks!" I called, "Round two. The rules just got weirder."
Zephorax stopped and groaned. "Can't you just end this already?"
I smiled. "Where's the fun in that?"