Awareness. And to show what people like me struggle with every single day of our lives. People often say I'm just being a baby. A whiny child who never thinks about other people's problems. "We have problems, too." "It's not fair to us to listen to you jabbering nonsense." "You feel inadequate because I feel like you didn't do anything important." "The things you say is exhausting." True. My own fault is trying to use a platform not meant for awareness. It was meant to be a safe space for people who want to be happy. I was a threat to their safe space.
I wanted to write this to explore the complexity of the human condition, psychologically, mentally, physically, even spiritually. The core of this story is identity. Pursuit of purpose. Coping whenever the world try to define or even reject us.
People say I'm a narcissist, or think I'm a narcissist when I speak for myself like this. I had the audacity to speak up for myself, so people find reasons to eliminate and censor my existence. They don't want to hear sadness. They think it's unfair that they heard sadness. That I repeat words, have strange mannerisms, think depressively, said things that hurt myself, and many others. They are afraid of facing the truths of harsh reality. They fear my existence because I am perceived as something wrong. The weird things I said were moments where I tried to fit in. But they don't quite land. Because I clearly am not normal in accordance with the golden standard. But, in my world, what's wrong with me? Absolutely nothing.
I wanted to tell an unconventional love story of family, friendship, romance, and many more. One that is entirely fictional with brims of truth. I wanted to give voices to those who feel and act differently. So, I made these characters. These characters try so hard to understand and love each other even though the very bridge between them may grow walls based on pride. Blending philosophy, fantasy, and madness while processing my very emotions and inspiring others, including myself to keep fighting.