[Harley Greene POV]
I woke up with a massive headache.
It felt like my head was a melon and someone cracked it open every five seconds.
"Ughhhh," I groaned as I tried to sit up. For some reason, my body felt heavier than normal. My muscles were also aching and my skin felt nasty as if screaming for me to shower.
Once I finally pulled my torso off the bed and sat up, I first looked to my side and saw that Malcolm wasn't sleeping beside me. Then I looked at the rest of the room.
It wasn't the room that I had been sleeping with Malcolm in the past four days that we had been here on vacation.
It was the guest room.
'What am I doing here?' I pondered.
Then like someone stabbing a needle into the side of my head, memories from the previous night rushed into me.
Slowly, it felt like a swamp had appeared before me, and with every passing second, I was getting swallowed deeper and deeper into the murky thick water.
"..."
I couldn't breathe.
Once the last bit of memory refreshed in my mind, like a twisted joke, it began to repeat and rewind over and over and over and over, tormenting me.
A tear trickled down my face. Then two. Then three.
I really couldn't breathe. The murky water had reached past my head and it was choking me.
Disgust. Absolute disgust.
"...W-what have I done?" I whispered so quietly that the only person who could hear it was my subconsciousness.
Scanning the room, I began to take a better look, and one by one, evidence began to pop up in my view.
Each item, from my torn bikini to the soaked bedsheets — all of it was convincing me that what had occurred last night was indeed not a dream.
Immediately, I shook my head and said with a flickering smile, "I-it... it was the alcohol. It was the alcohol. Yeah. That's... that's what it was. It was the alcohol."
Before I could nod my head in conviction at what I had just told myself, I suddenly remembered:
"Whatever you do, don't blame the alcohol. Even without the alcohol, you had been having thoughts about your ex. You've had sex with him. It doesn't matter that it was a dream. They say that dreams reveal your true desires. So if you had the chance in the real world, you would've gone through with it."
That was what my affair partner had told me.
That's right. My affair partner — Otsuka Yasuo.
Now that I was sober with a massive hungover, I felt myself start to crumble mentally.
How could I have ever mistaken him for my ex? Sure, they looked somewhat similar but there were plenty of differences as well.
"A stranger. I cheated on my fiance with a stranger," I muttered so softly as if I was afraid that the world would judge me if they overheard.
"It was the alcohol. It... has to be," I said as tears poured down my face.
Sure I had dreams of my ex before and sure we did some things in them but — but all of that was just in my dreams.
None of it had happened in the real world.
I had never cheated on my fiance.
That man was wrong. Even if I had seen Venni in real life, I wouldn't have gone through with physical cheating.
It's just a fantasy in my dreams where no one gets hurt.
I'm a loyal fiancee. I love Malcolm. He's the only one for me. This — this was all a mistake.
"I was drunk. If I tell him... he'll forgive me... right?"
I shook my head profusely while tears still ran down my face without any signs of stopping.
"No no no. I can't tell him. It'll break him," I told myself. "Yeah," I nodded my head. I wasn't going to tell him for his sake. If he ever found out, it would ruin him.
It wasn't for me. It wasn't because I felt so guilty that I didn't want him to find out. It wasn't because I was worried that he would break up with me if he ever found out.
No no no.
Those weren't the reasons why.
"..."
As I sat there in silence, thousands of questions spun around my head.
Millions of possibilities for the future formed. Some good. Some okay. Most of them were bad.
Deep down, I already knew that it was over. I should've never entertained those dream versions of my ex. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have done the same in the real world which I had mistaken for another dream.
This — this was all my fault.
"I'm sorry Malcolm."
Seeing as he hadn't come crashing into the room, he was probably still asleep which was typical of him after drinking. It would take him over ten hours to wake up and nothing could wake him up. Not even thunder.
"I'm a terrible person. I... I don't deserve you."
It took another ten minutes of self-discussion but I convinced myself that I was going to break up with him.
However, I was going to keep the affair a secret from him. At least then, he'd have some sort of sanity to take back with him.
That's what I was telling myself.
But perhaps the truth was that I was scared to ruin the image he had of me as well as the sweet memories I had of us.
"...Us."
The audacity I had to say "us" considering that another person had been on the back of my mind for years.
"I'm sorry Malcolm. I'm so sorry," I cried as I got off the bed and began cleaning up the evidence before he could find out.