There he lies in his bed. Rotting in his room.Time passes so quickly for him. Back in the day time seemed to flow so slowly. He had all the time in the world. All the time to think, feel and do.
But now time passes so quickly. He has no time for anything. It is not his fault! Who asked time to move so quickly! All he could do now was lie in his bed, hoping that tomorow he would find a way to fix this life. Today he did not have the time. He still had to get himself out of bed after all.
Dear god, he still had to get out of bed! It is already 5 pm! As he looked outside at the already setting sun a moment of panic overtook him. Panic, stemming from the realization that today he once again did not get anything done. Today, once again, he laid in bed, only moving from bed to bathroom and back. Again he had wasted a day.
Why was he even in bed! He has not been truly tired for months! The only thing he felt when lying in bed all day was emptiness. And this emptiness was the reason he could do nothing. It all felt so useless.
His panic started subsiding as he thought of this uselessness. What does it matter that he is not tired. What does it matter that his day meant nothing from beginning to end. Not like this day would have changed his life that much. And besides, who's fault is it that he felt this emptiness. Who's fault is it that he had so little time in every day. Who's fault was it that his whole life went from normal to this.
He did have motivation enough to think about it more than he needed. And the only thing he needed to tell himself was that the one at fault was not himself. And if he was not at fault it was not his responsibility to fix it. Not today at least. Maybe he would have enough time tomorow. At least he could make a start then. Enough of this, he should be thinking about other stuff. For example, how to procure food tonight.
Takeout was an option. He had some money because of the government right now so he could order some pizza. He had enough money to splurge on this meal. After all, he ate nothing the rest of the day. Lying in bed did not take that much energy so why would he give himself energy when he did not use it anyway.
Pizza it is. The choice is made. Nice job.
For a fleeting moment he felt a small amount of fulfillment. Now he actually did make a choice today. He did do something. Maybe this moment could be a catalyst and he could work into the night! He desperately had to clean his room after all. His bed too, really needed to be changed as the smell of sweat which he was now used to was getting so intense that he was actually starting to smell it once again.
He could even shower! If he showered now and shaved his asymmetrical, uneven beard off he could even hope the delivery person was a pretty girl! He could then use this energy he found to ask her out and this would turn his life around! He would have something or someone to be motivated for once again!
The more he thought about it, the more this moment of fleeting fulfillment turned into a kind of motivation. A little bit of the drive he used to have when he was little came back. It was so easy as well! Just order a delivery, clean the room, clean the bed and shower.
Laying there in his bed he thought about what action to do first. First he should definitely turn his light on or open the curtains. It was still daytime after all!
He got up. The moment his feet touched the ground he felt like he had no energy. He should have eaten something today. A slight dizziness overcame him and he sat back down in bed. First this dizziness should go away, then I will do my chores.
As he sat back on the bed he got his phone out. Maybe some visual stimulation would help with the dizziness. He opened up a social media platform and started looking through the messages.
He remembered nothing of what he saw for the last hour of social media. Yes. It was an hour. He had laid back down again as well. It kind of happened automatically, but when he noticed the time he realized what he had done.
He was laying down again.
It was all useless.
The drive, the motivation. Something always got in his way. If it wasn't for the dizziness he would have gotten so much done! But now he would be better off giving up for today. Tomorow was another day after all. And not like a pizza delivery person would often be a pretty girl, or go out with him for that matter...