The sun rising over the horizon is unable to rid the heaviness in my heart. The golden rays illuminate the room showing its weathered state, reminding me that right now I am a prisoner in my own home, well, I've always been.
I've been standing here, gazing out through the window witnessing the morning sun casting its beautiful rays to the distant mountains, creating beautiful hues that contrast my emotional state. The pain that has been banging my head since last night is making my eyes lose their strength, to stay open.
Sighing, I decide to go back to bed and wait for someone to bring me coffee because I am in need of something strong to clear my mind. Every part of my body is exhausted, the lack of sleep during the night being the biggest contributor as my night was plagued with nightmares where my mother was a monster, and I was the prey.
"Enter", I say in respond to the knock at the door. My voice is hoarse from sleep, and when I try to adjust my eyes am surprised it is already passed noon, I can tell by the direction of the light from the small window.
"Her majesty ordered for you to be served the afternoon snack, your highness", a new guard different from last night enters carrying a bowl filled with fruits.
Yes afternoon, time flies.
"Did she arrange for me to be served breakfast in the morning?" I ask him just to make sure I did not miss the coffee while sleeping.
"No, my lady, this is the only food you've been served today", he answers apologetically.
"Alright, thank you. You may leave", I say to him, and he places the bowl on the table and leaves closing the door behind him.
I am so hungry right now and I am not sure if the fruits are even enough to sustain me. I am sure my mother did not forget about me being locked away in the tower, she wants to continue punishing me, to starve me and make this place memorable and for me to think twice in the future before doing anything improper.
My mind takes me back to my sister two years ago when she had gone 'missing' in the castle grounds. She had later revealed that the queen had ordered her to be locked inside a tower and from the direction she had pointed at, I am guessing that this is the exact tower she was locked in.
She had gone out with Theodore and Humphrey in the evening after dinner, something that my brothers do regularly even nowadays. And on that particular day, Laurel wanted to go to the village to see the bustling market for herself something she only hears from others. I guess being curious for once.
When they got back from the market my sister was so excited. She narrated what she had seen and the items she brought home. It is unbelievable how little freedom can bring so much joy.
She was wearing the commoners' clothes going out to avoid being recognized and when my mother who had been asking about her came to her room, she was outraged about her evening adventures. Anyone would have thought her daughter had committed a murder.
I could hear the slap and the yelling that followed after I was chased away from her room. She could not defend herself, even though she was safe in the company of our brothers because my mother's issue was not safety but rather a young woman who carries a royal title being seen outside of the gates idling around without permission.
My brothers were never punished after taking her out. They tried to explain to the queen that it was their idea to take her out but she never listens to anyone. Later that night we could not locate Laurel and all the efforts of asking the queen did not yield into anything.
We spent two days anxiously waiting and unsure of her safety, we were afraid and when she showed up, she looked unkept. Her eyes were swollen and bore dark circles signifying her lack of sleep. She had refused to tell us at first where she was, but my brothers and I insisted until she gave in, she must have been threatened by the queen not to reveal anything. And that was the last time of her going out.
I have been sniffing away the tears just thinking about what my sister has been through, being a first daughter to my mother. The pain both physical and emotional and the lack of freedom. Purely hell.
Putting the bowl aside, I walk to the window having nothing else to do. Dinner won't be long, but I am not sure if I'll get any so maybe I'll cleanup the remainder of my fruits later. The sight from the outside does not give anything interesting; the distant mountains, the trees, and few people carrying out their day's activities enjoying their freedom, breathing the freshest of air and chatting with whoever interests them.
These people think they don't have anything of value, and when they see the likes of me, they think that we have everything, yet the truth is they are the ones with everything. Their freedom is everything I want. Everything is taken away when you are locked away and right now, I feel like I don't have anything, not my voice, legs, hands, mind, eyes or even heart. My family have been taken away from me rendering me lonely.
I wonder what my siblings are doing, if they are asking about me. Do they know that I am locked up here? My heart aches, and my cheeks are wet from tears that are refusing to stop. It scares me that I'll be spending another night here with the nightmares already lacing the walls.
Going back to bed I occupy my mind with what I am going to do instead, I have all the time of nothing but self-reflection so maybe I could use it to come up with an elaborate plan of how I am going to navigate life outside of these walls.
My priority being Laurel and the upcoming marriage, it scares me that the king might not change his mind. A month is not enough to convince a king with a major decision like this, especially with the queen like my mother by his side.
Laurel's life is already bad as it is. She is living under her own shadows. All she does is do whatever she is instructed to, apparently that is the life of a proper princess as the first daughter. Losing everything within her. I don't want her life to go from bad to worse, she will be completely destroyed.
Laurel has done so much for me my entire life. Maybe it is time I at least try to show her how much I love and appreciate her, even though there is a high chance of failure and dire consequences. But if the king overturns his decision, then she might end up finding a life that allows her to reveal the free-spirited person she is in the inside, the person that has been locked away to give way to a proper princess she is now.