Interlude: Baozi's Observation Diary ๐ฑโจ
Location: Caera's Unnecessarily Large Mansion
Time: Why are humans always so noisy in the morning?
Observer: The Great and Powerful Baozi
(Currently disguised as: "just a chonky orange cat" ๐)
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[Morning Disaster Log]
8:23 AM - New Human Alert! ๐จ
Constantyn arrives looking like he walked out of a "How to be Professional" manual
โข Wire-rim glasses (trying too hard) ๐
โข Burberry coat (future nap spot identified) ๐ผ
โข Leather shoes in Shanghai humidity (amateur hour) ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
Initial Judgment: Another ENTJ, exactly what we DON'T need
Threat to Nap Spots: HIGH โ ๏ธ
8:24 AM - Smallest Goddess's Reaction
Caera pretending not to care about his arrival:
โข Fixing her hair "casually" ๐โโ๏ธ
โข Practicing her "oh, you're here" face ๐ญ
โข Failing miserably at both ๐ช
Secondhand Embarrassment Level: 888/10
8:25 AM - Eugene Being Eugene ๐ช๏ธ
โข Bouncing around like a sugar-high puppy
โข Still has that weird curse aura (note to self: investigate) ๐ป
โข Offering everyone McDonald's breakfast
โข Something dark flickers in his eyes when...
Suspicion Level: ELEVATED ๐
Need to Watch Closely: VERY YES
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[Actual Events I Was Forced to Witness]
Scene 1: The Sphere Incident ๐ฎ
Caera: *tries to activate jade sphere*
Sphere: *does nothing*
Me: *judges silently*
Constantyn: "Your technique is fundamentallyโ"
Me: (ใ _ใ ) here we go...
Entertainment Value: 9/10 ๐ฟ
Actual Conversation Overhead:
Caera: "I know what I'm doing!"
Constantyn: "Evidently not."
Me: *starts cleaning paw for dramatic effect*
Eugene: *drops boba on priceless carpet*
Lin Yu: *suspicious phone typing intensifies*
Chaos Rating: Perfect ๐ฏ
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[Spiritual Network Status](Since I'm apparently the only one who notices these things ๐)
Dragon Veins: Acting weird
โข Probably because SOMEONE (Caera) keeps poking them
โข Like watching a baby play with fireworks
โข Should I help? No. โ
โข Am I enjoying this? Yes. โ
Mansion Feng Shui:
โข Completely messed up
โข Ancestral tablets collecting dust (rude) ๐พ
โข Premium napping spots: endangered species
โข Ghost in the east wing still complaining about the renovation
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[Suspicious Behavior Log] ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ
Eugene's "Curse":
โข Claims it's from a Sichuan ghost girl
โข Actually seems legit???
โข But he's hiding something bigger
โข Keeps glancing at the sphere when others aren't looking
โข Note: He offered me premium tuna (trying to buy my silence?) ๐
Lin Yu's Secret Phone Calls:
8:30 - "Asset in position"
9:15 - "Timeline accelerated"
10:45 - "Package secure"
Me: ๐๐๐
Her CIA Acting Skills: 2/10
My Acting Skills Pretending Not to Understand: 10/10 ๐ผ
Constantyn's "Research":
โข Too interested in the sphere
โข Keeps "accidentally" ending up in restricted areas
โข Definitely has hidden agenda
โข But also might just be naturally annoying
Verdict: Need more observation (and more fur on his coat) ๐งฅ
-------------------
[Current Chaos Rankings]
1. Eugene (Chaotic Evil) ๐
2. Lin Yu (Lawful Sus) ๐ด๏ธ
3. Constantyn (Lawful Annoying) ๐
4. Caera (Chaotic Try-Hard) ๐
5. Me (Chaotic Superior) ๐
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[Overheard Conversations That Made Me Lose Faith in Humanity]
Caera: "I can control divine power!"
Sphere: *does absolutely nothing*
Me: (๏ฟข_๏ฟข)
Eugene: "Maybe if we poke it with a stick?"
Everyone: "NO!"
Me: *considers returning to temple life*
Constantyn: *lengthy explanation about spiritual resonance*
Me: *deliberately knocks over his coffee* โ
Satisfaction Level: MAXIMUM ๐
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[Urgent Action Items]
1. Monitor Eugene's suspicious activities ๐
2. Pretend to be normal cat (harder than it looks) ๐บ
3. Judge everyone's life choices ๐
4. Nap on important documents ๐
5. Maintain position as supreme being while disguised as pet ๐
6. Figure out what Lin Yu's REALLY up to ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ
7. Watch Caera fail at goddess duties (always entertaining) ๐ฟ
8. Shed strategically on Constantyn's coat ๐งฅ
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[Final Thoughts]
These humans really think they can handle Shanghai's spiritual network?
I've seen street cats with better energy control... ๐ฑ
At least I'm being entertained while the world potentially ends?
Current Mood: Judgy but amused ๐ผ
Need for Nap: CRITICAL ๐ด
Done with Everyone: โ/10
Status Update: Going to take a nap on Constantyn's Burberry coat while everyone panics about the sphere
Evil Cat Rating: Purrfection ๐
End Log.
Time for tuna. ๐
P.S. - If anyone's reading this, yes, I can write. Deal with it. ๐พ