ALEXANDER'S POV :
"You promised our children will outnumber the stars"
The door was open, the lights were turned off, signifying the return of Ethan. He should be dead asleep by now, considering the fact that he drank a lot. I entered the sitting room taking off my shoes. The tiles were cold. It was a nice feeling. "Linda?" I heard Ethan's voice. I was startled, I won't lie. Linda, I remember that name. I came out of the shadows. "Hey," I said, coming close. "I called Linda, I don't want you," he said, turning away. Ouch!! I moved back.
"Who's Linda," I asked, my feet begging to run up and cry, my heart not prepared for the answer but my mind needed the answer. "None of your fucking business," he took a full swing of his beer. My heart needed its pillow. My mind needed an answer. I pulled more strings. "A whore?" I asked, mentally preparing myself for an answer. A sob left my mouth. I felt myself shudder. "Don't fucking call Linda a whore," he threw the bottle at me, missing by an inch, fear gripped me. I felt my lips wobble. He stood up, coming for me. I yelped and ran upstairs hot on my heels, I felt him behind me. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, screaming above and beyond what my lungs could bear. I quickly entered the room and shut the door behind me. "You can't stay in there forever," he screamed behind the door. "Open the damn door Alexandra," I scrunch my nose in disgust. "Don't you dare call me Alexandra you prick," the other end was quiet. "You fucking whore, did you just call me a prick?" he sounded irritated. I ignored him. "Open the fucking door," he screamed, "I'm going to kill you," he screamed again, banging the door. I cried, my bag was downstairs, my phone was inside. I don't want to die, I cried more. The house was quiet apart from my disturbing sobs. I thought he left. "You know ..," he started, I rolled my eyes at his persistence. "You can't fake a happy life, your past will always haunt you." I closed my eyes trying to shut his voice out. "You can't simply ignore the fact that you are a whore," he continued. I sobbed, hating myself more for not being able to defend myself, hating myself for accepting the fact that I'm a whore. "And your mother a fucking coward." Unable to hold back the tears, I screamed. He chuckled. "And you will never be loved by anyone because you are a whore," he said. I heard his footsteps fade away. I'm a whore, the thought always had a place at the back of my mind dominating my brain. I cried, using my hands to stifle my cries. I screamed to the back of my hands, unable to hold it in, I cried. I screamed but it did nothing to ease the pain. My father's words coming back, "You are not worth a dime," my heart cracking at the fact that my mother was at the door frame, she watched it happen, every moment of it. I cried, my voice echoing through the room. It scared me, needing another form of pain, I bit my hand so hard that I drew blood, I tasted the blood. My hand hurts like hell, distracting me from the pain inflicted on my heart. I know self harm is not a good way to forget pains but I can't help it, like smokers addicted to cigarettes, I'm addicted to pain. I watched the blood trickle down my arms, I felt nothing, I was numb again. The heart ache gone, replaced with nothing. A dark night indeed.
It was a happy home, we used to be happy. I remember the warm smiles, the beautiful atmosphere and memories. Remembering now, it seems like they were all made up like a memory planted but never created. The happy family died when Tina was diagnosed with cancer. Tina was my older sister. Everyone loved Tina, she was a perfect sister and daughter. Her death caused me my family. After Tina, I was forced to live her life as Lexi but it never happened. I was never loved, the warm smile was never thrown my way. I never heard the "I love you" word from my parents. It was a sad childhood. My mother never looked me in the eyes. I tried to make her smile, she would look past me and say "Ok Lexi." I can swear I hear Tina sometimes. I did everything to fill her space, worked extra hard in school and did all the extracurricular activities that I could. I lost hope when I figured that I could never replace Tina no matter how hard I tried. Then the torment increased after a night when my father lost his job. I was blamed for it. His reasons I recalled were being so perfect. I cried myself to sleep. The next day, I was blamed for Tina's death. He blamed me for my mother's pain and attitude and made me do the mother's job including satisfying his sexual desires. He would force himself on me, hitting me if I refuse him, New bruises after every night. My mother watched us, we made eye contact twice or so but she looked away quickly. It tore me, I cried so hard. I have cried all my life. My mother had an outburst once, she finally opened up and she told me she wished I died instead of Tina and I wondered why I can't be Tina or why I can't be loved like her. I had enough one day and decided to run away, my father caught me and he tried to kill me, he said I was better off dead cause the world was at loss having me in it. He was too drunk to pin me down. I fought him off and ran away. I kept running till I passed out. I woke up in Ethan's house, he took me in, so I owe it to Ethan. I owe him my body.