The room was dull, filled with an awkward silence that seemed to hang heavier with each passing second. Anna sat on the edge of the bed, her fingers absently running through her hair as she stared out the window.
She exhaled slowly, the weight of the upcoming day pressing down on her chest. It wasn't just the first day of the new session that had her on edge. The funeral she had to attend today, the funeral of her bestfriend/schoolmate, lingered heavily in her mind. What had happened last summer had rocked everyone to their core, but for Anna, it was even more complicated. She couldn't escape the fact that, in some way, she had played a role in it all. It felt like a weight she could never shake.
"New year, new me", she thought bitterly. The words felt meaningless now. Jesse was dead, and one of her schoolmates—someone she had shared hallways and secrets with—had killed him.
Her thoughts shifted, pulling her back to the pact she had made with her best friend, Claire.
"Let's not end the year as virgins," Claire had said, her voice teasing but filled with determination.
Anna had hesitated at first, unsure if she was ready for something like that. But Claire had always been the one who made life seem so effortless—the one who captured everyone's attention, with her bright smile, her confidence, and her undeniable beauty. Anna, on the other hand, had always lived in her shadow. Always a little quieter, a little less noticed.
Claire was the kind of girl who could light up a room with a single glance, the one everyone wanted to be around. Anna, though—she was the kind who blended into the background, who quietly admired from the sidelines. That's why, when Claire had made the pact, Anna had agreed, even though a part of her felt unsure. At the time, the pact had felt like a simple act of rebellion—something to prove she wasn't just the sidekick in Claire's world. It was supposed to make her better, more like Claire—more confident, more daring. But now, looking back, Anna realized how naïve she had been. The pact was more than just a promise to lose her virginity; it was a pact to become someone she wasn't. It was about escaping the shadow she'd lived in her whole life; it had seemed innocent at the time. But now, looking back, Anna realized it was more than that. It was a promise to change, to step out of her comfort zone, and to become someone different—someone worthy of her own attention. But it had ended up being more complicated than she ever imagined.
A knock on the door jolted Anna back to reality, her thoughts scattering. She blinked, still heavy with the fog of grief, before hearing her mother's voice from the other side."Are you ready for school?"Anna's mother stepped inside, pausing when she saw her daughter's expression. The sadness in Anna's eyes was unmistakable, and her concern deepened.
Anna… ''it's your boyfriend's funeral today , sweetheart," her mother said gently, choosing the words carefully. "I'd understand if you're not feeling well enough to go to school today."
Anna winced, the sharpness of her mother's words cutting through her. She couldn't remember the last time her mom referred to Jesse as "her boyfriend." It didn't feel right. Jesse had never been her boyfriend—not in the way that word was meant to be used. He'd been her best friend.
"He was not my boyfriend, Mom," Anna replied, her voice wavering as she pushed back the flood of emotions that threatened to spill over. She hadn't seen him that way, not then. It had been... a fling. A late-night kiss that turned into more, but nothing serious. That's what she told herself. But Jesse had wanted more. He had wanted her, in a way she couldn't give him.
''He was my best friend," Anna said again, this time with more force, as if trying to convince herself as much as her mother.
The words stung, sharper than she expected. Jesse had been her rock, someone who always understood her, always made her feel like she was enough—even when she couldn't quite say what she needed. She thought about their late-night talks, the way he would laugh at her terrible jokes, the way he had kissed her one summer evening. It hadn't been anything big—at least, that's how Anna had seen it at the time. Just a spontaneous moment, nothing more. But Jesse had always wanted more. And now, thinking back, Anna realized just how much that had hurt him.
She had never truly acknowledged what they had been to each other, what that kiss had meant. But it meant something to him.
A wave of guilt washed over Anna, the weight of her own ignorance suffocating her. He had been there for her in ways no one else had. He had opened up to her in ways that had made her feel special. But in the end, she hadn't been able to offer him anything more than friendship.
Tears welled up in her eyes, her chest tight with emotion. The realization was suffocating, and before she knew it, the tears were falling, unstoppable now.
Her mother was by her side in an instant, wrapping her in a warm embrace. "It's okay, sweetheart," she whispered, holding Anna tightly as the tears poured. "You don't have to be strong all the time."
Anna clung to her mother, her sobs shaking her entire body. She hadn't meant to hurt Jesse. She hadn't meant to leave him wanting more. But now it was too late. He was gone.
As her mother gently released her, Anna wiped her face, her chest still heavy. She glanced out the window, watching the pale morning light stretch over the neighborhood. Somewhere out there was the person who killed Jesse—someone who had shared the same hallways, the same secrets.
Anna inhaled deeply, her fists clenching. She couldn't change the past, but she could make sure Jesse wasn't forgotten and his murderer brought to justice.
She stood, her grief giving way to determination. "I need to go," she said, her voice steady now.
Her mother looked at her, confused."To school?"
Anna nodded, but it wasn't just about school. It was about answers. Jesse's memory deserved nothing less.