Jiang Hao had always been a magnet for disaster. He tripped on banana peels, got locked out of his own house, and once lost a job because a pigeon pooped on his résumé. But this? This was something else entirely.
He was now a monkey.
Not a majestic celestial monkey. Not a noble spirit beast or a revered animal companion to a wise sage. Nope. Just a scrappy, flea-bitten primate with a questionable IQ.
And to make things even worse, a golden screen flickered into his vision, its words burning themselves into his very soul.
> Ding! Welcome to the Testicle-Busting System!
Congratulations, Host! You are now the chosen disciple of chaos! Bust the sacred peaches of destiny to claim your rightful place as the strongest monkey in the world.
Jiang Hao froze, staring at the floating screen in disbelief. "Wait. Run that by me again?"
The system, as if delighting in his confusion, continued:
> First Mission: Bust the Sacred Peaches of the Heaven-Splitting Gorilla.
Reward: Steel Nut Kick (SSS-Rank)
Penalty for Failure: A slow and painful smashing of your peaches.
Jiang Hao's monkey jaw dropped. He squinted at the screen, hoping he'd misread it. But nope. The words were there in all their horrifying glory.
"You want me to WHAT?" he screeched.
Before he could protest further, the ground trembled beneath his feet. The trees swayed violently as birds squawked and took to the sky. A massive shadow loomed over him, blotting out the sun. It was big. It was terrifying. And worst of all? It was heading straight for him.
From the jungle emerged a mountain of fur and muscle—the Heaven-Splitting Gorilla. Its fists were the size of boulders, its legs like tree trunks. But what truly caught Jiang Hao's eye was the glowing golden peach dangling between its legs, just below the massive creature's waist.
"Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me!" Jiang Hao exclaimed, his panic setting in.
The system chimed again, its tone far too cheerful for Jiang Hao's liking:
> Hint: Aim low and strike hard.
"Aim low?! Are you trying to get me killed?!" Jiang Hao hissed through gritted teeth.
The gorilla's red eyes locked onto him with deadly precision. Its nostrils flared as it bared its teeth, and it let out a deafening roar that made the ground shake, sending leaves scattering like confetti. The jungle seemed to hold its breath as the mighty beast began charging toward him.
Jiang Hao gulped. He had two choices: fight or let his own peaches become jungle fertilizer.
The gorilla's thunderous steps sent shockwaves through the earth, shaking the very ground beneath Jiang Hao's feet. He scrambled up a nearby tree with impressive monkey agility, narrowly avoiding the massive fists of the gorilla, which slammed into the ground with the force of a landslide. His tail swished as he swung from branch to branch, zigzagging through the trees as the gorilla followed, relentless and roaring in fury.
> Achievement Unlocked: First Evasion!
Reward: +1 Agility!
"Well, at least I get points for not dying," Jiang Hao muttered to himself, his heart pounding. He swung himself onto a low-hanging vine, narrowly dodging a swipe that would've knocked him halfway across the jungle.
The gorilla, however, wasn't going to let him get away that easily. It swiped again, this time its claws brushing past Jiang Hao's tail with a thunderous whoosh. The monkey somersaulted in mid-air and landed gracefully on another branch, panting heavily. He glanced at the glowing peach once more, a plan beginning to form in his mind.
"Alright," he muttered to himself, gathering his nerve, "If this is what it takes to survive…"
He took a deep breath, clenching his tiny monkey fists. A sense of determination surged through him. His new monkey body may have been small and weak, but he wasn't about to let a giant gorilla bully him around. He had a job to do. The fate of his "peaches" depended on it.
With a sudden burst of energy, Jiang Hao launched himself from the tree, his limbs flailing as he twisted midair. His trajectory was perfect. For a brief moment, it was as if time had slowed down—his eyes fixed on the golden target between the gorilla's legs.
The world was a blur around him. All that mattered was the peach.
"FOR THE PEACHES!" Jiang Hao screamed as he propelled himself toward his target. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
The impact was earth-shattering.
Jiang Hao's feet connected with the gorilla's sacred peaches with such force that the entire jungle seemed to pause. The gorilla's eyes bulged wide, its knees buckled beneath the weight of the blow, and a strange, high-pitched squeak escaped its throat. It froze in place, trembling, as if in shock..ᕙ(☉ਊ☉)ᕗ
Then, with an agonized roar, the gorilla collapsed backward, clutching its now-throbbing peaches, its massive body hitting the ground with a heavy thud.
> Mission Complete!
Reward Unlocked: Steel Nut Kick (SSS-Rank)
Description: Your legs are now weapons of mass destruction. No peach is safe.
Jiang Hao landed smoothly on the ground, dusting off his furry hands as if the entire thing had been a walk in the park. He looked at the downed gorilla, still writhing in agony, and smirked. His job was done. The gorilla was out of commission, and he was the new ruler of the jungle.
"Guess I'm the alpha now," he said with a proud grin, admiring the chaos he'd just caused.
The system chimed, its voice far too smug for Jiang Hao's taste:
> Pro Tip: Keep busting peaches to grow stronger. Your journey to becoming the Peach-Buster King has just begun!
Jiang Hao's grin widened, his eyes gleaming with excitement. His leg muscles still tingled from the powerful kick. The feeling was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. This new strength—this Steel Nut Kick—was incredible. And it was only the beginning.
He cracked his knuckles, already itching for his next mission. "Alright," he said, his voice dripping with menace and mischief. "Who's the next unlucky bastard?"
With a newfound sense of purpose, Jiang Hao turned and disappeared into the jungle,